Why can't I settle down?

[Anonymous]

everytime i start getting with a girl, i always lose interest at some point. so we only fuck and never date and within I don't know a month or so i move on to the next. why can i not just date the girl

Updates

+1 y

ik this sounds dumb but i am genuinely concerned about my ability to form attachments

[242plusInfinity]

I think @NotTacocaT6969 has a great point. You must learn, perhaps, how to build a meaningful relationship. Sex or no sex has nothing to do with it.

I think you could also be lacking of vision. Life is boring without vision. If you're not headed toward a higher vision, then life gets boring after a while.

People don't lose weight and then gain it back because they want to gain it all back... The cause isn't on the surface. To truly be attached to something new, one has to be in harmony with it. It has to become apart of oneself, literally. Proverbs 23:7 "as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he"

@NotTacocaT6969 is giving you really sound advice. She is saying you aren't building a deep enough connection with the person. But not only that, you're not building a deep connection with the vision of being with that person. You should be able to feel it in your bones! Ask yourself why do you want to be in a relationship with someone? Figure out why and then focus on that. For me it's because I LOVE romance. I just love love love it.

[Asker]

I don't know man i really don't

[Berethor]

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? and you might lost the ability to form attachments after fucking and dumping so many hos, girls sure lose the ability at that point.

[NotTacocaT6969]

Your problem is that you fuck before forming any kind of meaningful relationship or connection.


Sex alone can not create a relationship and sex without a relationship is basically just jerking off with help…


If you don’t find someone who actually means something to you, it’s just going to keep repeating.

[Asker]

even if we don't fuck right away i just lose interest anyway, i think i have an issue or something I don't know

[NotTacocaT6969]

Could be that you have an issue.

Or it could be you still haven’t met the right one.

[Asker]

I don't know some of these girls i have met have been really good people and i still can't so probably an issue lol

[NotTacocaT6969]

Well, maybe more details would help.

What is it about them that you like in the beginning.

And what about them do you lose interest in?

[Asker]

personality, looks, interest and I don't know after a while i just don't feel attracted anymore, like obviously if they have big boobs ima still get excited seeing them but it becomes more of a horny love and not a genuine interest

[NotTacocaT6969]

Yeah, this sounds like the problem my best friend and I both experienced.

It happened to him first, he actually explained it to me and made me feel dumb…

Human bodies change constantly.

Who lives inside of them does not.

Attraction to the features of someone’s body will always lead to disappointment and there will ALWAYS be a better body somewhere.

Take a note from the demisexuals.

If you get turned on by your lover’s personality, you will never lose interest.

[NotTacocaT6969]

If you’re not sure, try this.

Find a potential partner who likes all or most of the same things you do.(even if they don’t look attractive to you.)

Hang out with them and share the activities you both enjoy.

See how you feel after a while of that.

Worst case scenario, you got yourself a new friend.

[itsalyssaagain]

I feel the same way. It's because you haven't met the right person for yourself. There could be more than one right person who comes along in your life by the way... it's just that the connection a person needs for a relationship is missing. And those things just happen naturally.

[Asker]

yea but i have been dating for years now lol it is becoming concerning, and i don't wanna date all the girls i hook up with cause if my heart isn't in it then they will just get hurt

[itsalyssaagain]

You're still very young. And it's not your responsibility if someone gets hurt as long as you make your intentions and feelings clear. People are responsible for getting themselves in a situation. Trust me, a person can tell if someone's heart isn't in it.

[Asker]

yea but i am man enough to know my actions have consequences, i'm not gonna hurt a nice girl because i have issues, i am just concerned if i should work on myself or therapy or what

[itsalyssaagain]

Try therapy... I am lol and I have the same issue as you.

[BarryLiverstone]

Regarding forming attachments have you been able to make friends and keep them for a few years?

[Asker]

yea just can't stay attached to girls i am with, i can stay friends with them just not date

[BarryLiverstone]

It could in part be how you are planning dates with new people. For example on the first couple of dates are you taking her out and spending the time mostly in public or are you hanging out in private?

[Asker]

mostly in private sometimes a double date with friends then we go back to one of our places

[BarryLiverstone]

So that’s a change you have the ability to make. You can decide for the first 3 dates to only see her in public and spend time actively doing things rather than in private that could lead to sexual activities. On those dates it’s a good opportunity to share a part of your life and show her what you are passionate about. Are you usually planning the dates or how does that work?

[Asker]

usually just whatever we are feeling at the moment

[BarryLiverstone]

Right. So change that. You don’t like the pattern you are in so do something about that. Start to establish boundaries and start to plan dates prior to seeing her. You have an opportunity to build a relationship with someone new rather than just feel her out in the moment and drift randomly. You can decide to go on real dates and Over time become more intimate rather than jumping into sex early on.

In college I did lots of hooking up and one night stands. Sure it was fun and a party but like you it was one girl to the next. I’ve had to learn to step back and be less a creature of the moment. I’d rather build a year long or more relationship with one person than have random encounters with 7.

What’s the longest relationship you have had?

[Asker]

6 months

[BarryLiverstone]

So you didn’t lose interest in her, why is that?

[Asker]

it was my second relationship ever lol i was like 14, i wasn't too happy i just refused to leave

[BarryLiverstone]

Ya it’s time to work on yourself. Have you been in therapy?

[Asker]

thinking about it

[BarryLiverstone]

That’s a no. Better to rip the bandaid and just enter therapy soon. You could be thinking about it for another 5 years and be 30 and in the same spot

[Asker]

true then yea i will