He said he would never marry me because I don't know his mother tongue. What did I do wrong?

[Anonymous]

So this Indian guy I was talking to for a while said he would never marry me. I asked why and he said it's a big thing for him that the person he marries knows his mother tongue. Being a diaspora, I only speak English due to other factors. I asked him if I tried to learn and if he would consider it. He said no. I asked him what other than the language barrier made him say that. He said I don't know. I told him that I have a past of being branded the "Fun girl" and not being taken seriously and am tired of it and that I'm so angry at him. I told him I'd like to know his reason so I could improve in the future but he said there was nothing else. He constantly apologized but I don't know where to go from here what did I do wrong?

Updates

1 y

We are both Hindu. He Indian and I am of full Indian decent. I am decedent of indentured labourers.

[Vesuvius87]

The day my ex boyfriend said ''You're not ready for marriage'' with a mocking tone and then tried to changed the subject to worthless sex talks about his past sexual relationship was the day I found out who he really was (a monster) and it's been nearly a year since he's been blocked permanently.

He's giving you excuses. I'm surprised he's still your boyfriend. Seriously? Do you have any self-esteem, dignity?

[Asker]

Hence the world TALKING. It's only been a week chill. It's not a full blown relationship. I did move but it's hurts because he is not the first to say it to me so in my head the problems lies with me. That why I want to know where I when wrong.

[Vesuvius87]

It still hurts as a woman being told that. We talk that stuff serious and if a man commits, it's like a dream come true. When a man doesn't commit (refuses marriage), for me it's the equivalent of telling him he'll never be a real man and he'll always be a cowardly little girl, denying his abilities as strength and provider skills. It's like a directly blow to your heart, to your ego. Women have egos and pride too. Honestly, I would feel too insulted and hurt to continue the relationship.

How long have you guys been dating?

[Vesuvius87]

''We take that stuff serious''

[Asker]

A week. We met off of bumble and where like casual friends until one day I asked him again if he was sure he just wanted to be friends and all of a sudden everything went 180 all to hear him say what he said and be like don't worry it's not like I'm going to marry you and I said why not and you guess the rest

[Asker]

by the way things also got physical real quick too. We are both virgins.

[Liliesxoxo]

May I ask why are you still with him? You already told you he's never going to marry you, one of the biggest insult and ultimate rejection.

Are you happy being just a girlfriend and getting denied full commitment?

[Asker]

Hence the world TALKING. It's only been a week chill. It's not a full blown relationship. I did move but it's hurts because he is not the first to say it to me so in my head the problems lies with me. That why I want to know where I when wrong.

[Liliesxoxo]

If you guys have only been dating for a week then it's too early for him to even say he'll never marry you.

[nawtee_me]

Leave him alone, it is not your fault but no means no in any language... Some cultures only marry in their own culture. Religion has a lot to do with it too and also you would not be able to talk to any of his family that does not speak English. Family also has to do with it as his may have already told him he could not marry outside of his own kind.

[Asker]

But the thing is we are both Hindu.

[FilmGuy93]

It sounds like your personalities just didn't mesh very well.

[Asker]

Oh, we did. Chemistry was there, and we both enjoy being with one another.

[Asker]

Also, Conversations never ran dry

[FilmGuy93]

Then maybe it was your reputation or a cultural problem with his family.

[Asker]

He said no to both of that

[FilmGuy93]

Well... assuming that he isn't lying, it sounds like he just got tired of having a romantic relationship with you and realized that he doesn't see a longer term future with you. Sometimes people make great lovers, but poor partners.

[Asker]

then what can I do in the future to be a good partner?

[FilmGuy93]

It's tough to say without knowing more about your relationship. Generally, the ways women can be better partners; communicate more clearly, be emotionally supportive, stop talking shit about your partner to my friends, don't be argumentative.

[In_Trance]

you didn't learn his mother tongue

[Asker]

I offered to but he said even if I learnt it his still won't consider. READ