Is it normal that my boyfriend says that I’m the most beautiful girl but he seems to be unsure that other people would think that I'm pretty too?

[xJayleenx]

To explain this better, when I asked my boyfriend why he used to add “to me” at the end of the sentence (like when he called me pretty he would say “you’re so pretty” and then say “to me”) he recently told me that he added a “to me” because he doesn’t know what other people think. So this implies that maybe he doesn’t know if other people would find me pretty? Which is really weird because he’s always telling me that I’m so beautiful. What do you guys think? I just find this weird and kind of contradicting.

Updates

1 y

Like does he not expect other people to find me attractive?

[Still-alive]

I do find it odd that he explained it that way to you... but i think you're also overthinking this. he should have just not said anything about it because now you're second guessing him.

he finds you pretty and going by your many questions on here asking people about your looks many many other people find you pretty too. i think he was just trying to be... practical. like not everyone is gonna find him handsome for instance and not everyone will find sayyy Salma Hayek attractive looking either... but its just not a good idea to say that to your partner lol...

[xJayleenx]

Yeah he said the same thing as you but used Anne Hathway as a comparison (he does not find her attractive lmao)

[xJayleenx]

I deleted all my messages not to annoy him but I am honestly so confused.

[xJayleenx]

In his head am I not attractive to others? That’s what I’m wondering like that’s hella weird. Im also wondering if his friends and family tell them that im ugly or something

[Still-alive]

no you are attractive to others.. like i said he was trying to be practical about it even though he didn't need to be lol. he probably should also say 'a lot of people will find you attractive too like i do'

[xJayleenx]

Also he refuses to post me saying it’s cringy :(

[xJayleenx]

Now im just asking what his friends and family say about me to him

[Still-alive]

is your boyfriend autistic by any chance? or on the spectrum? lol just sounds like a 'socially unaware' moment by him to me lol

[xJayleenx]

No he is definitely not and he is very charismatic im the super shy one. He is also more experienced than me in relationships has slept with more people ( just white women though) and he has more friends than me. He is better socially than me in all aspects because I am very shy:

[Still-alive]

i dunno just seems like something he should have known not to say if thats the case lol

[xJayleenx]

I’m very confused now… like am I actually attractive to him? He’s always saying that I’m so pretty. Or am I just a girl that he has settled for?

[Still-alive]

yes you are attractive to him

[NathanDavis]

you are pretty, yes... everyone can see that

your eyes are certainly very beautiful, that is true

but... are you the "most beautiful girl" in this world or life... nobody is that, because that's not a thing, that just doesn't exist... the definition and also the appreciation of beauty is different from everyone so that's why it will never be just one

except for Monica Bellucci of course... there's her, and then the rest of the world... lol

[xJayleenx]

I mean that’s not what I was asking but thank you and i agree with the monica bellucci thing 😂😂😂

[NathanDavis]

the answer is still there...

he is just being more honest, sincere and genuine about it...

which is a good thing

[VIVANT]

lol I disagree. She never asked him if she was the most beautiful and he didn’t say she was the most beautiful. He said she was very pretty —- to him. I understand he nuance of your point but it is Avery far reach from the incident and question at hand.

If he said you are the most beautiful woman in the world to me it would be better but still unnecessary. There’s literally no reason to say to me bc obviously it is his opinion.

Now he may not be intentionally trying to cut her tit can be son entirely other thing like he’s awakes but it’s nothing to do with being technically accurate to avoid saying she the most bc he did not even say that.

what he did is just weird even if it wasn’t out if malice it’s idiotic. Especially if he knows her family lol she’s not walking around assuming she’s the most beautiful person in the world. If he felt lurk she is to him that great and he should take advantage of that and make her feel to. Not qualify it lol

Partners Hesiod build each other up he does low key stuff that is cutting and I don’t know if he still that obtuse after all this time or not, in the beginning it’s more understandable.

[NathanDavis]

@VIVANT the nuance in my point was there only because the premise is in the tile of the question

and I will quote it directly

this is literally a copy paste of it

" my boyfriend says that I’m the most beautiful girl "

[VIVANT]

I understand the confusion. I was going off the post which is differnt then the titis which made it seem like what happened in the post is more realistic and the tithe was a best case scenario. What she quoted in the specific incident was yours so pretty— to me. It’s messed up and I think the fact she feels weird about it probably has more to do with than just the words. There are things communicated that can’t be seen in text.

Anyhow I’m inclined to trust a person feeling strange in an interpersonal situation rather then simply assuming it’s just superfluous worry, due to the intonate connection we are not a part of as onlookers. In addition omitting necessary info is sketchy as is adding unnecessary info. Both are not healthy behaviors. Hopefully it’s what you says but I think he needs to stop qualifying his compliments it stopped being cute snd hapless a long time ago.

[NathanDavis]

@VIVANT yes, I know...

sometimes the question does not fit the description... and because of that, I just try to cover as much options and territory as possible, just in case they meant one of the other or both... who knows? lol

[VIVANT]

Yeah I understand truth be told, if I remembered what was said in the title - actually I don’t think I saw the title till after I responded. I only saw “is it weird” then I went directly to the post bc I already know Jay and I figured it there a real question about a worry- I would not have responded here bc in that context whether I agree or not, your comment was completely relevant and thought out 😊😊

[saffoler]

Unless you were unsure of your looks and told him as much when he started adding the "to me". It means that he doesn't really find you attractive; that or he is trying to undermine your own self esteem. The only legitimate reason to add that is after you tell someone that they are pretty and they say that they aren't or they say don't lie (minimum 5 times).

[Infinity12]

It's passive aggressive behavior. It's actually an insult disguised as a compliment. He doesn't need to point out he is possibly the only person that finds you attractive. Totally unnecessary. So you should be grateful there is ONE person that sees that? He is secretly putting you down. I would call him on that.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

He probably looks at the world a little differently than most people. A lot of smart people have a certain type of fear of being challenged on a statement which cannot be objectively argued. You are pretty to him, but he is smart enough to acknowledge that what is pretty to him isn't pretty to some people.

I did the same thing when I was 17 because when you're young, guys are super critical of how hot your girlfriend is.

[xJayleenx]

But he is 25. He also refuses to post me on social media saying that he doesn’t like to post yet today he made a post complaining about a restaurant.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Ohhh, so is he a socialable person? What can you say about what type of guy he is? He sounds kinda shy.

[xJayleenx]

Yeah he’s sociable he has friends and not shy like me he is introverted but more assertive.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

How assertive? Like he has no problem introducing himself to someone but he's not good at telling someone important bad news?

[xJayleenx]

He is charismatic and he would openly tell someone if he didn’t want to do something meanwhile I’d stay silent

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Something doesn't add up, he's charismatic and unafraid of being judged, but he doesn't want to include you on his social media which he actively posts to.

Has he done or said other things that throw you for a loop like this or have an ultimate effect of making you feel bad even if you don't think he realises he's doing it?

[xJayleenx]

He has a few times in the past but he didn’t mean it that way. And he has posted me on his social media but a while ago. But sometimes he posted me just because I told him to now even if i tell him to he isn’t posting me because he claims that he doesn’t like posting.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

How often do you see eachother?

[xJayleenx]

Twice a week

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

This seems to be something that bothers you with him, seriously you need to sit down face to face with him and let him know that this stuff bothers you and have a long talk you know that you are very attractive and there's not a thing wrong with the way you look.

[RealMarek]

I don’t know what he does, but he sounds like a lot of young scientists, engineers, and tech guys I’ve known. The types who worry about being accurate or the limits or their knowledge. It can get in the way of romance.

[xJayleenx]

He is very smart. He has a rare personality type shared with many successful people INTJ lol and apparently Issac Newton had the same personality and Elon Musk and just very smart people

[Still-alive]

even the smartest people in the world can have very irrational moments. they are still human too after all lol

[xJayleenx]

@Still-alive i have low self esteem he should be more careful lol

[RealMarek]

@xjayleenx I think this would be a good topic of communication for you to have with him. I’m going to assume he was not being mean. In that case, if he understands how it seemed from your perspective, which is less analytical and more emotional, he has a chance of calibrating his approach in the future. He probably wants you to feel beautiful, he just needs to understand how to communicate that to you without worrying about whether beauty is subjective, etc.

[RealMarek]

And I have that same tendency he does, so I get it. I once told a girl she was “almost perfect.” But I’ve learned that in romance it is best to dispense with reservations and qualifications.

[Twalli]

Maybe he's worried that you think you can do better. In other words find a guy who is richer, more attractive, etc. Yet if they don't find you attractive then you just lost this guy for nothing. So his "to me", is just his insecurity of not feeling like he deserves you.

[dolemite89]

he just means not everybody is everyone’s type, u may be cute to some people but just meh to others 🤷‍♂️

[xJayleenx]

Isn’t that weird though? Is that how all guys think of their boyfriend? That’s kind of what he explained too

[xJayleenx]

Girlfriend *

[dolemite89]

weird that people have preferences? no

[xJayleenx]

I meant do all guys think that that about their girlfriends?

[dolemite89]

ur overthinking this way too much 😂

[xJayleenx]

Shit other women seem to be feeling this way too about this comment I think men and women think differently 😂

[dolemite89]

maybe ur just not that pretty 🤷‍♂️😂

[xJayleenx]

What do you mean?

[dolemite89]

did i stutter? 🤣

[xJayleenx]

I know but I just wonder if im actually pretty to him because of his comment

[xJayleenx]

It contradicted what he said

[xJayleenx]

To him I should be at least

[dolemite89]

maybe he’s saying a backhanded compliment so u don’t get carried away with an inflated ego if he does call u pretty 😅

[xJayleenx]

I have no idea how weird. He certainly is smarter than me though that’s for sure so I do know if he’s backhanded like that.

[xJayleenx]

I also don’t know why he never posts me and I don’t know if his friends besides his best friend know who I am or what I look like.

[dolemite89]

he’s hiding how hideous u are 😜

[xJayleenx]

Lmao you’re such a troll

[ChiTown33]

I think you're overthinking a couple of words. What's important is how he treats you. Guys, especially young guys generally say the wrongs things. It's how we learn to say the right things. 🤣

[SnowedIn]

Weird, sure, but it may be his unique way of speaking. I would not read too much into it.

[FilmGuy93]

Do you care about anyone’s opinion but his? Just take the compliment

[hafinjun]

Ask him, "why do you always add to me " it seems a little odd, but I can think of a couple reasons for it.

[TroyDT]

Yeah, it's fine. A lot of the girls I find attractive my friends think are just okay, and vice versa.

[Avatar74]

If I thought a woman was beautiful, it doesn't matter what others would think.

As long as a woman is beautiful in my eyes thats the important thing.

[exitseven]

If this is the worst thing he does, you are way ahead of the gsme,.

[pizzalovershouse]

Nope that's a cut down to you an he wants you to feel you can't fi d better

[Zolly99999]

It doesn't matter what other people think.. as long as you 2 love each other. I wouldn't worry about it.

[FckY0u998]

You're right that is kind of fucked up, but also beauty is in the eye of the beholder

[jimmy2]

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and love is blind too

[Jamie05rhs]

You're overthinking again! 🙄

[VIVANT]

I don’t think in this case she is plus we dk what his affect is like when he says this she can be picking up on stuff not reflected in text.

[xJayleenx]

I think this is another case of men and women thinking differently because the answers here are also different between men and women.

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT I'm just trying to help her. People who aren't necessarily beauty queens aren't going to be
attractive to every single guy in the world. So he's trying to be a gentleman and let her know that HE is attracted to her, no matter what anyone else thinks. She needs to accept that and stop making an issue out of it. Because nothing good can ever come of that. She needs to stop spazzing.

[Jamie05rhs]

Now, granted, your boyfriend could just drop those two words at the end. It would probably make things easier.
@xJayleenx.

[Jamie05rhs]

But @xjayleenx I think you're absolutely right as far as it being a difference between men and women. It must be. Because I'm reading some of these comments from the girls and I'm just like "what? 🤨"

[VIVANT]

There’s no reason to add anything. It’s irrational. Women & men are answering differently bc this was something said to a woman.

Telling someone they are overthinking tends to not be helpful unless that person isn’t really serious about what they are talking about. So I have no idea. I would not find it helpful at all if I was trying to dirt something out for real. But that’s me & maybe jay deep down isn’t really concerned & just wanted to hear it’s not a big deal. I don't know. I don’t ask about stuff unless I’m actually concerned so I left open the possibility rusted mire here than we are able to see.

If someone is acting sketchy then it isn’t helpful to shove things under the rug is all I’m saying.

The stuff d sone women are saying is based on stuff sone people will calculatingly do intentionally. It’s great if that isn’t what is happening here but to just say you’re over thinking without discussing it as if there’s no way anything that you haven’t thought of can be happening, it’s premature and dismissive.

I prefer to take questions seriously. Hey should be the one to come to the conclusion on her own that it is or is not a big deal. We should ask questions not tell her how to think or feel. But again I don’t ask things if I don’t really think it matters, maybe jay just wanted to be told to not worry. Jay I’m sorry I really don’t know what you want here. But I’m glad you’re not really worried.

[xJayleenx]

I’ve always been told that I’m wrong all my life by my parents. That’s why I ask these questions because of doubt.

[xJayleenx]

@VIVANT I still am worried lol

[VIVANT]

😭 😭😭😂😅🤣 🥺🙏🏼

[VIVANT]

Ok here’s the thing. I don’t think he’s evil I Audi don’t think you are crazy. I am confident there was something going on that didn’t sit right and that is why you chose to talk about it

You can feel odd without reality being the worst but I don’t think it’s helpful to dismiss people either bc you know your relationship better than anyone you ask advice from and I just wanted to take you seriously, I wasn’t trying to be a downer. 💜

I have three questions. I want you to share without thinking. Be 💯 honest. 💯 don’t fix it with positivity or negativity.

1 what to the best of your memory did you think/ feel in the moment. When he said it.

2 what is the best possible outcome you can envision of why he said what he said.

3 what is the worst possible outcome as to why he said what he said.

Which one #2 or #3 is closer to #1?

After you answer, I’ll tell you why I asked.

[xJayleenx]

@VIVANT 1) I thought why is he saying that? Does he bot think that I’m pretty to other people too? I’m so confused (basically what I wrote on here). 2) The best outcome? I’m not sure. I guess me not asking him so many questions about why he said that. 3) If I reacted harshly or cried.

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT I was just putting myself in his shoes. I can understand where he's coming from. His statement sounds logically rational to me.

[Jamie05rhs]

"I’ve always been told that I’m wrong all my life by my parents. That’s why I ask these questions because of doubt."
@xjayleenx I'm sorry. 🧡

[Jamie05rhs]

"I prefer to take questions seriously. Hey should be the one to come to the conclusion on her own that it is or is not a big deal. We should ask questions not tell her how to think or feel."
Good point, @VIVANT; that is good advice. I will try to think about that in the future.

[VIVANT]

I’m actually surprised. I was going to say whichever sloths just with your thoughts during shahid give you insight into why it bothered you. If it was an exact replica then that indicates you are not really present had already made your decision.

But your abs sees really are not at all in love with what you were thinking at the tine which is helpful bc it really shines a light into hue you are experiencing things which isn’t the same as prejudicial thought.

I did ask outcome to push you a bit out of your own mind but I still expected sone connection to the situation. But in both outcomes both positive and negative it’s negative and completely form on yourself. 😢 it’s like watching someone trapped in a grey fog when it’s light it’s grey when it’s dark it’s grey. I’m not puttying you I’m just looking at the situation it was surprising to me.

Jay, you shouldn’t feel like your hope is to not have to ask questions. There should be some kind of reliable part you can depend on. You’re asking questions bc you’re never getting satisfactory free beck. I don’t Jean about your looks we tell you you are pretty @ breakfast lunch dinner & @ midnight snack 😂 I don’t mean in this specifically but in general. Relationships don’t need to be magical but they should be dependable & uplifting not filing with doubt & despair. I know too nothing we can say will ever be as good as him giving you direct communication.

When you are unsure about something just ask him. Just plainly no leading up to it just straight. If his answer confuses you tell him that. If that response confused you keep asking.

People should not get frustrated explaining the

[VIVANT]

words they choose to use and you should not feel ashamed wanting to know what is meant by what someone else says. Someone once taught me you just keep asking until things make sense. Either bc they were able to be clear or they hide from their own words. If a person can jot stand by what they says, that is a problem. Doesn’t mean they deny changed their minds jut they gotta own it.

My impression is you are very sweet sjd he is lazy about being clear or bothering to even know why he is saying something bc you are so understanding. Sure it might feel weird for him to reflect on stuff he says but it is super weird for you to be confused by your own partner.

The goal isn’t magic just charity snd muttsl understanding. You’re not being annoying bc you want clarity. If people want chaos they canjust go around grunting. We have language for a reason if he’s going to say things he does not mean he needs to be made aware of it. & if he means it he should be able to tell you. We’re just talking about basic humanity… and maybe he really is just kind of oblivious— that’s ok it can be fixed with awareness. 🙂🙂

[xJayleenx]

@VIVANT I asked and he said to stop overthinking and he said “you find Anne Hathway pretty but I don’t the same goes with everyone” that’s what he said to me

[VIVANT]

That’s a terrible answer 😒

. No one asked him if other people think you are pretty and there’s no need for him to comment. He’s telling you you are over thinking bc he said something unnecessary and you wanted to know why. He could have answered without shifting accountability.

I guess I’d have asked him given it’s obvious that not everyone is attracted to the same people, why did he feel the need to remind you mid “compliment”

Does he need you to tell him you don’t find his or his funny looking even tho many other people might. There’s no good reason to say that and instead of acknowledging he said a dumb thing he doubles down.

Jay you should tell him that next time you all have sex 😂 🤣 let me know if he says yeah I understand not everyone has the sane taste 🙄

[xJayleenx]

@VIVANT lol I’m just so done with people in general. Thank you for your answer :)

[xJayleenx]

Really thank you so much.

[VIVANT]

I hear you

Hey you jay not care about it in the morning. Just don’t accept people close to you telling you you are over thinking. It’s dismissive & You have a right to your thoughts and that shouldn’t be threatening to anyone who has nothing to hide.

[Jamie05rhs]

I'm sorry, but I genuinely do disagree with @VIVANT. That is just my opinion. Not disregarding hers; I'm just stating where I stand for the record.
I thought the point about Anne Hathaway was a valid one.

[VIVANT]

I tbh k he can stop saying “ to me” he has said it several times already. We get it. At this point it’s just dumb and it makes him seem manipulative. He can just stop & then it stops being a subject of conversation. It obviously makes her uncomfortable how hard is it to just hit add anything. If my boyfriend was bothered by something I wouldn’t say he shouldn’t be bothered, I’d stop doing it. This may just be poor ibheroersonal skills and not calculating but still he can stop & he should. it’s weird to keep saying it when it’s disturbing and unnecessary. Lol just don’t 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Jamie05rhs]

Okay; fair enough.

[VIVANT]

I probably could’ve just said that. Took a while to realize the basic point. It doesn’t cost anything to be kind to our partners. 💜

[Jamie05rhs]

That is true. 🙂

[Guardian45]

HAHAHA!!!😳🙄😵‍💫😖😁😄😆😅😂🤣🤪😍🥰💜

[SayCheez03]

you are special to him :)

[Debbie14217]

yes it is