I don't know where I stand with her?

[Anonymous]

Dated a girl for a while and then she broke things off because she had some legitimate issues going on that meant she wasn't really ready to carry on as it wasn't fair on me.

Anyway, we've started chatting again but now i'm anxious to even try flirt/meet up etc because i don't want to smother her and i'm not sure how much has changed for her, it's only been a month... we've been texting daily again but just generally catching up, while i initiate mostly - she seems interested and writes detailed replies.

Things is... I can't be friends with her... it's too much for me. so i'm thinking of texting her soon saying that i've enjoyed catching up but i'm gonna be unavailable for a few days and tell her to get in touch, we should go for a coffee/drink if she's up for it but it's upto her.

Any advice? i pretty much just want to find out where she's at so i can go from there.. i. e trying to woo her again or just pull away because i can't handle being friends and nothing more.

[QuestioningChick]

Ask her for coffee and then explain where you’re coming from. Since you know you can’t handle a friendship only with her, if she is not ready to date, it’s not really rejection. It’s just you stating your boundaries/standards.

If the only reason you broke up was because she had legitimate stuff going on, it’s highly likely she still cares/likes you. Which is why being direct is your best approach.

To hide out now would be just that - hiding. And to a girl, that’s confusing. She may just need a friend and miss you, she may be wondering if she blew it with you.

Since you already know your feelings, be the strong one she needs and let her know where you stand.

[Guy13]

Take it slow but if she puts you in Friendzone basically disappear

[Asker]

Thing is i don't want to act like i was before (flirting etc) because i don't want to scare her off/over whelm her.

So I'm almost putting myself there, how do i avoid that whilst still not being too pushy? It's all very awkward to manoeuvre I feel.

[Guy13]

Ask her out⁉️

[Asker]

Well given that we left things with her not being ready and it's only been a month, i can't help but feel like that guaranteed to get a negative result.. unless i just put it on her? "I'd love to carry on catching up next week if you want to get a coffee or something?"