I continued to hang out with her a lot and got closer to her family and we finally brought up the conversation one more time after going out to dinner. She told me she's scared she will never get over her ex. She said she didn't want to have the conversation about that again because it's just too hard right now and she would feel she would have to push me away if I couldn't just accept the fact that we are friends. I felt that I needed to respect her for that and all she needs is a friend. I did have to ask her, what do you feel for me? She said "you know, you are the perfect guy," "everything about you is what I would want in 'the one'" but she said she's still in love with her ex, he was her first love, and doesn't want to rebound with me. What I don't understand is, why would she flirt with me and tell me she just wants to be friends. She also said she compares her ex to me a lot and realizes all the things that make me a good person. She just can't explain why she can't move on just yet.
I want to wait around. I'm not just a young kid who thinks he's in love. I have thought I was in love a million times but what I feel for this girl has no comparison to anyone in the past. I think about her constantly and when I think about moving on all I realize is that I don't want to move on because I only have eyes for her. But its hard to wait around if she is simply NEVER going to get over her ex.
What I really need advice about it how to be a friend. I texted her the other day and said how I really missed her and wanted to be with her and she wrote back "please stop that, you know the conversation we had, it's not appropriate." "you know how hard it is for me."
What should I do? I hope someone has good advice because this is tormenting me.
Most Helpful Opinions
My friend, this half-in, half-out business is bullsh*t. If she flirts with you and goes out on dates with you, she wants you. She may not really understand what that means, or even know it, but she wants you. Never never ever discuss ex-es at length with someone you are romantically interested in. Never never ever discuss being in a relationship with someone you are romantically interested in unless possibly if you are already sleeping together and/or definitively committed in some less-physical way. Do not EVER tell a woman that you miss her unless you are 300+ miles away and have not seen her for at least a month. Platonic or romantic, they often tend to get the wrong idea. You say: "I miss you." Meaning: "I care about you and I want to spend time with you." Their biology frequently hears: "I am weak, and wimpy, and I need your mothering attentions to survive, and therefore I am a liability and definitely not romantically attractive."
In fact, it sounds like the two of you do way too much talking, period. And as for spending time together? Sometimes less is more. Absence can lend clarity to both emotion and thought. Totally disappearing off the face of the earth is not particularly advisable.
What you need is not advice on how to be a friend. That is BS. Don't be silly. Keep that line of thought, and friends is definitely all you will ever be (which is fine, by the way). You want her and you know it. Her idea that she "is getting over her ex" by not being involved with you or whatever? That is likewise BS. It is understandable that she might think that, and understandable that you might feel like you need to be a friend, but you both probably need to get laid more than anything. Jacking off is a great first step in that direction, by the way. And you definitely both need a dose of realism.
Believe me, you are doing OK. Eddie Rabbitt's song is not famous for no reason:
First step, Ask her out and treat her like a lady. Check.
Second step, Tell her she's the one you're dreaming of. Check, or close enough.
Third step, Take her in your arms and never let her go... you apparently need to work on this one.
If she's sort pushing you away right now, tell her you are not romantically interested in her after all, that you just thought you were, and that there is another girl that you are interested in. Tell her gently and politely that she should really try to get back with her ex, since she is in love with him still. But make sure she knows that you do want to be friends. Then don't talk to her for three days. Then tell her that you and friends are going on a camping trip in the mountains or some other secluded activity with some friends, and tell her you'd like her to come. Then don't invite any friends. OK, honestly, you don't need to do any of this devious crap. But that is the mentality to adapt. Sometimes the most direct way to fight a battle is not the wisest. And don't "wait," friend. Time waits for no one!