My boyfriend told me he wasn’t sure I was “the one” for him until after we broke up? is this normal?

[Anonymous]

We were together for about 8 months and prior to that, we had been friends for a good four months or so. But I knew he loved me and he showed it. However, we broke up because he said some mean things and I told him I was done with him and now it’s been three months since we’ve broken up and everyday he’s been trying to get me back and he says he is absolutely sure of me now and knows that I’m the one for him. Is this normal?

[SamIam96]

It's completely normal to analyze and have concerns about any relationship. With some luck, this is the relationship you'll enjoy for the remainder of your life.

Before you decided to post a question on the internet, did you discuss your concern with him? I ask because, if I were him and knew you were posting here instead of talking to me, it would be a red-flag. I'd want my woman to talk and work to find common ground.

The plethora of "is this normal" questions on GAG are hopes for simple answers to difficult questions. I'm sure nothing good comes from our answers. Please, discuss your worry with your boyfriend. A happy update would be nice to see.

[Asker]

The things he said though were pretty bad though. He said I had done little to nothing he’s ever cared about, said that I wasn’t what he was “hoping to find”, said that he regretted ever getting with me. All of that! That’s the reason we broke up. But it’s been three months since then and everyday he’s been blowing me up saying he didn’t mean that and said that he communicated his feelings all wrong and said that he knows I’m the one for him and that I am everything he was hoping to find.

[Jamie05rhs]

Yes, it's 100% normal.

[Asker]

How though?

[Jamie05rhs]

He loved you the whole time. You guys just had an argument; that's all. It happens.

[Asker]

Yeah, but when we were arguing, he said “I was hoping to find someone who is real, someone who is this and that” and then afterwards he said that he didn’t mean that. And that he communicated it all wrong. But then when we talked about it, he said that maybe he said that because he was unsure, but that he is definitely sure now. How can a breakup make him realize that he is sure?

[Jamie05rhs]

Are you real? Or are you fake? What do you think about yourself? Be honest? Think deep and do a self-assessment.

[Asker]

I truly believe I’m real. I showed genuine love to him always even when he wasn’t treating me right. I was always there for him through everything.

[Asker]

Now he says he knows I was always a real one. And that he’s sure of me now

[Jamie05rhs]

Aww. That's great! 🥰

[Asker]

Why so? I feel like he’s using me as a backup plan.

[Jamie05rhs]

Why would you think that?

[Anonymous]

You're just a back up plan...

[Asker]

Why do you say that?

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry I can't explain everything here openly.

[Asker]

Why not?

[Asker]

Message me then.

[Asker]

What’s the issue with explaining this

[Opinion Owner]

You can pm me