Calling introverted people — Is it a big deal when someone confesses to be an introvert?

[Anonymous]

There is a guy I like and we talk all the time, we laugh and have fun, we always glance and look at each other, essentially we have what I feel is good chemistry.

The last time we spoke, he opened up and told me he was very introverted and that socializing is draining on him and he hates “small talk,” but he made it a point to tell me that he never feels that way when he chats with me.

I guess the question is, to all the introverts out there, is it a big deal / significant when you explain your introverted-ness to someone?

Updates

+1 y

I guess a better way to word my question is is it a good sign that he felt compelled to explain his introverted-ness to me not necessarily that it’s a big deal in general. Thanks for all the answers.

[Bethany22]

When a guy confesses that, it's not a big deal. I remember initially being shocked and disarmed by a guy who apologized to me about his social anxiety. But then I realized that my shock came from the fact that while I'm an introverted girl, I never feel like I can openly apologize for my social anxiety interfering with small talk. I realized that this is probably because of the emphasis placed on girls to be masters at social interaction, and so to use that as an excuse might be met with insensitivity from those around them, as if to say that that's not a legitimate excuse, because you need to forget about yourself and think of the other person's needs ahead of your own fears. But with men, I don't think that there is the same pressure to be good at small talk. So after thinking about all of that, I then started to feel resentful towards this guy, as him admitting his social anxiety wasn't probably meant to be as revealing of his weaknesses as I initially assumed.

[Asker]

Hmmm interesting. I am much more extroverted, so it felt like it came off as a “hey, if it ever seems I am not engaging with you, it’s really not you because I like talking to you.” I do not know how guarded introverts are with openly admitting what to many seems like a “weakness” (I don’t think that, just a common assumption unfortunately).

[Bethany22]

Yes, that's definitely what he was trying to tell you. Despite the fact that he doesn't talk much, he likes interacting with you

[kylee2437]

Yes. He is trying to explain to you that he is on the independent side and doesn’t necessarily enjoy what most of the world enjoys. If you are extroverted - it’s extremely difficult to get to understand an introvert. Introverts like spending time alone, aren’t big planners, will literally do anything with you, I mean anything as long as it’s with someone they connect with, they don’t connect to people that easily but when they do it’s because they genuinely like you, they aren’t big on parties /crowds.

[Asker]

Well…since I already said I’m crushing on him, lol, my response was that I completely understand and that if he ever did not feel like chatting he would not hurt my feelings. I understand needing decompression time or just time away from socializing. Hope this was the right response to that lol.

[kylee2437]

@asker definitely is lol but most people have a little alone time. Us introverts mostly like being on our own or with people we love. We carry small friend groups but everyone in our lives has meaning to us

[Cynicaldreamer]

No, lol...
It's not like we're revealing a big secret or "coming out of the closet."

If anything that means we want you to know, "Hey, for the most part I'm a quiet person, but I'm comfortable enough being myself or talking to you."
In his case, it's a huge compliment: you should be flattered!

[Asker]

That’s what I was trying to figure out. I guess I worded it in a wrong way. I just meant was it pretty important that he felt inclined to explain that to me without being prompted. Thanks for the answer!

[Anonymous]

Personally? No. Overall? Yes. An introvert is more likely to be a narcissist. You have to look out for that. Otherwise it's OK.

[Danny_dan92]

Nope