Is it weird I dont date someone unless I see myself marrying them?

[Anonymous]

Like if I can’t see myself being with them for a long time I won’t go out on a date with them?

Yes

No

[Tenebrae_mentis]

Kind of. You know whether or not you'll marry someone before you even know anything about them? I don't feel like I really know someone until I've spent months in a relationship with them. Until they let their guard down and stop specifically trying to impress me and just... be themselves. I want to see them sad, pissed off, happy, bored, and sick. I want to see stress from work and family piled up on their shoulders and crushing their soul. Until I do, I don't feel like I even really know who they are, let alone whether or not I'd want to marry or spend the rest of my life with them.

[Asker]

I responded to someone below with more context

[Tenebrae_mentis]

I feel like only dating people you've met before, without trying to meet new people, is severely limiting. I would also argue that you aren't getting an accurate representation of that person based on your described qualifications. Everyone puts on their best mask in public, but that's all it is. A mask. That's all very surface-level stuff to base marriage on. I prefer to dig deeper, but maybe that's just me. I want to see someone at their worst before I decide if I want to marry them and you'll never see that until you're already very close.

[FunnyGiy]

Sure. Some people do that. But other people would just prefer not to.

[Asker]

So would you agree to date someone who you either:
1. Don’t find attractive
2. Doesn’t seem to fit the kind of personality you look for?
3. Doesn’t seem to share the same values as you

[FunnyGiy]

Asker, I know you’re not asking me but.

If I knew we were not compatible probably not. I wouldn’t waste my time or their time.

But many times you don’t know these things (except maybe attraction) before you go on your first date or even a few dates.

But I would probably stop dating her if that was the case.

[UniquelyBasic]

Then how do you get to know someone without going on a date or whatever you want to call it? No problem with not doing anything long term with someone who doesn't have the same values of marriage as you but I dont understand how you would vent out people without seeing them in person and at least going out on a date once. I would think you would need to be with someone for a while to see the real them.

[Asker]

well I only date someone who I know previously. So if you are thinking I met a guy on an app that’s out of the realm of possibility here. If I know them already, I know if 1. I find them attractive. 2. If they are ambitious and some of the other superficial qualities 3. They are kind and some of the other personality traits I look for. Usually guys don’t meet 1 or more of the above so why would I go out with them? If they meet at least these qualities I would go out with them because I can see myself marrying them. Make sense?

[irifebeck]

Dating is a great way to find yourself and understand what you truly want in a relationship and partner. People can also be deceive, the person you see yourself marrying can also be the person you're with for the shortest amount of time. Sometimes, fate works in weird ways and the person you least expect to stay with is the ones you marry.

[FunnyGiy]

But. This is why you date. Because you never know. But if you’re not into someone or know someone’s not compatible. Why waste time?

Sure. Some might choose to do it just to see if it goes somewhere but others don’t.

[irifebeck]

@FunnyGiy Definitely you should be with someone compatible, that's an unsaid rule. Being with someone compatible isn't the same as seeing yourself marrying them.

[FunnyGiy]

This is true. Many times you won’t know if you want to marry someone on the first date. But regardless. People have their own standards and if they just don’t see it with someone. Then they don’t see it.

[FunnyGiy]

Other people might give it more or a chance. It just depends on the person

[irifebeck]

@FunnyGiy Very true.

[FunnyGiy]

Thanks for the follow

[FunnyGiy]

Not weird at all. If you aren’t to to someone or don’t think there is any chance or a long term relationship. Why waste your time on it?

im the same way

[slatyb]

If you're goal is to be married, then it would be a waste of time for you to date men you can't imagine marrying.

[Anonymous]

it speaks to you being a serious, thoughtful woman, probably.

It may be "weird" in the sense that it is uncommon, but that has nothing to do with it being wrong.

[Berethor]

It not common nowadays, but that's what a girl should do if she is not a ho.

[Hypermotard1916]

Lady , you live in a upside-down society, your thoughts are normal for a healthy woman, but your civilisation is unhealthy

[Jamie05rhs]

Nothing wrong with that.

The only problem is, how would you even know? Lol.
(I mean unless you know them really well already.)

[clampfan101]

It’s not weird and makes sense, but sometimes a person can turn out to be someone you can see yourself marrying after getting to know each other.

[TroyDT2]

Probably. You will likely miss out on someone who would be great for you using that method.

[LazerBean]

That's just what you're supposed to do.

[Danny_dan92]

That’s actually normal

[AsaKyo]

No, I'm the same way

[msc545]

Weird and self-defeating.

[RavVid]

Good for you!