Folks who date to marry— how does that work?

Question

Within what kinds of conditions do you choose whom you will date?

What are the parameters?

What are the guidelines?

Do you have a cut off point?

how does it work?

How do you know the person has the same goals?

Growing up, never imagined marriage - or sex- or relationships - growing up so none of it is an obvious forgone conclusion for me even now…so I’m very curious how dating works for people who already know what they want and will only dare to marry.

THANKS!!

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

I online date a lot. It seems that most women want, accounting to their profiles, are honest, genuine. sincere, authentic, emotionally stable, mature and intelligent men only interested in LTR.

This is how 90% of women set up their profiles and honestly its all-bull shit. No man will engage in meeting, chatting or talking to woman for the first time or date with the intent of making a marriage or LTR out of it.

Sure, for guys like me, a LTR that grows into a marriage is a goal. But that's now I approach it on day one. Because I have dated a lot of women and had a lot of really fun times and adventures with a lot of really great woman. But that is how it all starts, then builds into a LTR and maybe marriage. I honestly do not know how this date just for marriage works. I mean you are literally asking me to commit to LTR with you on day one.

No honest, sincere or genuine man would commit to a relationship like that on day one. So, these women are just giving you no realistic chance. I mean I want to hang out with you, spend time with you, have sex with you, and just fall in love with you. We don't live in world or country where you have arranged marriages.

I wish when I met a woman like this, that only want LTR and will only date for that purpose... well I would be fine with that honestly if I could just say yes, I will commit to that with you as long as I get sex once or twice a month. We can take at least one weekend trip together a month. I can come to your place one weekend a month and you come to mine one weekend a month. But no woman would commit to that upfront on first date... an no honest, sincere and genuine man would expect her to. But she wants you to commit to LTR on the first chat, according to her profile.

So how would a truly honest, sincere and genuine man address this situation? I don't know I just try to figure it out one woman at time, but honestly most these women that only want long term committed relationships with the purpose of marriage usually don't know what it means to be honestly, sincerely or genuinely committed to a man to start with, but they expect it of the man upfront.

dynamicyandere · Accepted Answer

After high school, I have only dated with the intent to marry. I’ve had 5 LTR relationships after high school. My current relationship is 4 years, going strong, and we plan to marry. This is how I’ve gone about it:

For me, there’s not a commitment or plan to marry until they’ve proven to be marriage material.

So, it’s a long process of getting to know them.

I raise the question, “Do I want to spend the rest of my life with this person?”

At first, it’s going to be, “I’m not sure yet.”

No matter how great they seem, people can have facades and people can put up fronts—so you shouldn’t jump to conclusions right away.

Take time to get to know them. Talk about deeper things like their philosophy on love and life. With time, you’ll get to know them more and more.

(And, if they have a facade, you can see if it cracks.)

If everything checks out, things move from, “I’m not sure yet.” to “I want to marry them.”

But, hold on.

At this stage, you may want to marry them.

However, at every point (and at this point especially) you want to keep an eye out for red flags).

From this point on, it’s a matter of planning to get married and moving things in that direction gradually and at a natural pace, but keeping an eye out for red flags.

If there’s a time in the relationship where the answer to the question, “Do I want to spend the rest of my life with this person?” is NO, and you truly mean it, then it’s time to leave.

Break things off, so you don’t waste their time and they don’t waste your time. Life is too short to dilly dally.

However, if time goes on and say it’s been 2 years and you have haven’t seen any red flags (or large incompatibilities) that would deter you from wanting to marry, then you’ve found a keeper. 🥂

sheenagwapa · Accepted Answer

i "decline" immediately if i don't feel you. I don't know i can jusr easily tell. and so if i'm not interested in talking to you then i don't like yoy romantically. if i still keep talking then i am still interested. anyway i usually don't like mean people so if i sense yoy are the mean type i lose interest. if yoy are non-Christian and i feel like yoy will not change your belief ( i am sure of Lord Jesus Christ) even if i'm interested in you i will "reject" you. if you are the lazy type i eill lose interest. if you are too old, too ypu g i usually lose interest. if you dress really bad i losw interesr. if yoy are loud and wanna be the center of attention i usually don't like that unless you are not arrogant. my ex when he courted me i thought he is humble but when we were together he isn't but i let it pass because i felt it's just his tactic that i would feel lucky i am eith him. also i love him already. if he showed that to me while courting all the more i wouldn't feel him. my ex is not ugly he is even handsome, he is responsible, a lot of people like him, he speaks good English even before, he plays guitae anda vocalist but i don't feel him before but when we were together officially as girlfriend, boyfriend i wanna beat myself because i feel like i wasted time of us being together. i also lose interest if yoy are not smart i don't consider myself smart lol but i can just sense it if yoy arw not very bright. i lose interest if i don't like your hairstyle or if our height gap os small i'm only 5 feet so... i can be fine with small height gap difference if you are appealing or if you are above average handsome. in our day to day life we see typical faces and we see thise faces who stands put. if your voice is really ugly i lose interest.

LazerBean · Accepted Answer

Pretty much if I met someone and we were both interested, we would talk for a while to see if we were compatible. It's was always pretty apparent quickly if they had what I wanted or not. I'm still friends with all of the guys, and we have all attended each others weddings. My now husband is the only person who I knew was solid enough for me to even really start dating.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

1. How could you possibly know that you plan to marry someone BEFORE you begin dating?

2. When I was dating, I screened for women who wanted a serious long-term relationship. I looked for someone who accepted traditional gender roles and who seemed to be a kind and gentle soul. I also looked for someone with significant intelligence. From there, dating tells me if we have "chemistry" (or biology!)

Lliam · Answer

I voted 'A'. That's what all my girlfriends were like, but they weren't in a desperate rush to get married. They mainly wanted a boyfriend and a long-term, monogamous, infatuated, sexual relationship. But they did have dreams of marrying and having children.

I, on the other hand, was never interested in having kids. And, although I did want a long-term, monogamous, infatuated, sexual relationship, I shied away from marriage.
I didn't start thinking that I was ready to settle down forever and start a new chapter in my life until I was in my early 30s. I considered marriage to be forever and wanted to be sure that I was mature enough and ready to make that commitment.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Chose option A skyscrapper girl...

I like to be in a serious relationship becsuse at this age, i don't like to waste my time on nothing, even though i'm not searching and not dating, if god wants to be married than he'll find a way to put me and my other half on the same track to meet, after a long bad experience, i don't believe in real love like i used to...

In case i find the one, we will get to know each other, date each other, NO SEX before marriage and if we are meant for each other than we will get married...

She must have the beliefs that i have or something that goes with my beliefs so we have a nice happy life in the future...

LittleMelissa9614 · Answer

I date to marry! Pretty much when you know, you know. When I meet a guy one day, I will get to know them first alittle bit before going out with them. If he's my type then I will give him a chance and start dating/relationship with him. When you have feelings for someone, feel good chemistry and feel safe and loved by them, that to me is when you found your soulmate. Someone who will love you for you, care for you, make you feel safe, and supports you, affectionate, etc. As long as the your person is on board as well to get engaged and married one day. As well as starting a family. The two of you have to he committed to each other when it comes to that. Making that commitment is a big move, but it will be worth it! Especially when you both love each other very much and wanna spend the rest of your lives together! ❤️

KatherineJ · Answer

It was actually more complicated than that. I mean dating with an eye on marriage would frighten anyone. First, date someone who you are attracted to, and enjoy spending time with. As the relationship develops, you’ll figure out if he or she is someone who you could see yourself with for a longer period of time. And if both of you are lucky, you will fall in love. That’s how it worked for me.

razelove · Answer

For me I figured that there would be few people that I'd get along with well enough to marry and have a family with. I had compromised there for my first marriage and that got along like a dumpster fire of used condoms.

Anyway, I just played the numbers game and if it felt like they weren't being serious either, then I kept flirting, and lining more women up. The few times it seemed like they were serious too, we were both into each other, and that lasted past puppy love, I dropped everyone else I was with, went monogamous, and told them I wanted a family and marriage as a goal down the road.

Most of the time that would scare them off, and I'd just have to build back up momentum. When I met my wife now, about the same pattern held up, except that she drew in like a magnet when I wanted to get serious.

ohsheeT · Answer

I really like this question because I'm the type of guy I don't like dates

Don't get me wrong I will take a girl many many places but not on a date I will take her some places friend I mean to the best places the most craziest places

But when you throw the word date in there it makes it awkward for me I'd rather just be spontaneous be myself and have fun and show her who I really am

If it is a date then I have to be prim and proper I can't really be myself I don't know why that is but it's just something inside of me

So for me there are no rules and that's the way I'd rather have it society's rules suck anyway and I'm not a follower I'd rather make my own way and lead so I don't know I love your question though because of all the above that I just wrote it's who I am

Alli39 · Answer

I think for some people this means just not dating casually, and others this means not dating a person until you feel confident that you'd want a future with them.

Usernone · Answer

For a time, I did not want marriage. I thought long term dating would be fine, but as I get older, I hope to marry. When I date, I quickly cut off the guys who want the nsa relationship or those who says they want to be friends and take it slow. I will only engage with a guy who say they are actively looking for a relationship.

After a year of being in a committed relationship, guys know whether they will marry you. I wouldn't stay in a relationship after a year and a half , if the guy hasn't proposed.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

"Folks who date to marry- how does it work?"

Well, you start by finding someone you like. And then you have to see if they like you as well. That's the hardest part. From there, you just start by chatting with them and getting to know them better. Not like a job interview or a CIA inquisition. You're trying to get to know them on an intimate level. (Intimate, not sexual!!) You want to find out what they're passionate about, what makes them happy, what makes them sad, what makes them inspired, and what makes them laugh. You just spend time together, and express caring and affection. And try to form a bond. A human to human bond. And hopefully somewhere in there, there might also be some romantic sparks. And that's what we call love! That's how you fall in love.

At least that's the way I think it works! 🤷🙃

jahaims · Answer

Either on the first date or maybe before the date depending on how you know them, let them know you aren't into anything casual. That you only date to find someone to marry but that doesn't mean you expect that kind of commitment right away but you want to set clear intentions. Then you discuss your goals, values and morals during the early stages of dating. It's best to have similar goals, values and morals or at the very least ones that do not conflict. You have to be more vulnerable than you are probably used to being.

Samantha36 · Answer

Iv only ever really dated for sex. I dated my boyfriend for sex, he was looking to settle down and get married. He won!

Samantha_17 · Answer

The person should be attractive enough to date - first and foremost. Then you go from there.. There is no fixed recipe as every person is different.

Lokiion · Answer

I don’t really see a need for a contracted marriage however if I was going to do that I would start as friends to dating for few years (2-3) and then talk to her about it and decide from there

DizzyDesii · Answer

I date with the intentions of marrying. I don’t date for fun or to fill temporary loneliness. I seek out someone I’m attracted to who has similar morals, values, interests, goals, etc. They have to also believe in marriage and date with the intentions of looking for what they hope will become their future wife. Not someone who just wants a bootycall or hookup

BlackBeauty90 · Answer

First off I didn't waste my time with any guy not interested in long term. I mean be pretty stupid if someone is seeking marriage and going out with people wanting a fling.

Was I thinking marriage yes but you can't think marriage with someone else without at least knowing them.

Ad_Quid_Orator · Answer

I meet people for dates and see how the relationship develops over time. There's no "rule book" for it.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I would date her and see how things go, but after a while I would ask her questions like if she would want to ever be engaged? All she got to do is tell me she's not interested in being the married type, I refuse to be hung up not knowing which ways we would be going?

Andres77 · Answer

Not my game and I’m staying out of the dating scene altogether now.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

Not exactly the biggest believer in marriage these days, but I don’t really see the point in dating someone I don’t see a future with. That’s just wasting everybody's time.

MysticDevice · Answer

Thats an interesting thought. I don't date to marry. I do date if I don't know how it would go. By that I mean if I can tell we'll break up at some point, maybe cause we're not compatible enough or think on different wavelenghts, I'll save us both the trouble.

That does mean turning down people who are into me but I'd rather be single and content than dating and miserable.

lorenzomichael · Answer

I really hate to use this as an example, but it's perfect. It's like when you want a dog for a pet, So you pick out a puppy that'll grow into something that's cute, lovable, friendly, one that makes you happy one that every body likes. You don't run out and get a pitbull.

RealMarek · Answer

It works by seeing if there is compatibility and reasonable alignment in how the couple envisions a relationship and the desire for commitment.

Agape93 · Answer

I date to enjoy myself, to give love and achieve love

Sabretooth · Answer

Well, I go based on looks. After that, we'll see how things go from there. I've felt a very strong connection to one girl... I'm not interested in marrying a prude or a slut. Won't marry outside of my faith. Won't marry a drug user. While I am apolitical--I won't consider a Republican--I agree with the left on most things, I mock Trump and I live in reality... It just wouldn't be healthy. I would hope for a gamer... Just not as much of a gamer as I am...

menina · Answer

I've never dated anyone. But if I was dating someone at this point of my life, my goal wouldn't get married. Unless we dated for like 7 or 8 years.

_SillyShoes_ · Answer

It makes sense it's A and B - but only in the circumstances it's a friend of yours beforehand. That's why being friends first makes so much sense to me.

Philyouup · Answer

first don’t date with the intention of the person that you’re dating is the person you’re going to marry. Did a lot be diverse take your time. When you find the one that clicks go exclusive and see if it goes anywhere.

MotherEarth2020 · Answer

I sent you a private message. Please take the time to read it

CountryWanderer · Answer

I did this. It's just like regular dating, I suspect, you just have a hopeful end goal in mind.

Sevenpointfive · Answer

i don't give a damn anymore. i don't date period

Grond21 · Answer

I have taught in spoken a lot about this. But I don't think I could do it justice in one simple answer.

MissBoogus · Answer

I don't know I just find someone I like and someone who likes me lol

Pohjolan · Answer

I just won't date someone if couldn't consider marrying them in the future.

clampfan101 · Answer

Start as friends and get to know them over time.

EaterPeter · Answer

It does not work guys are screwed no matter what

whistlingwh0res · Answer

forget it... it's not your thing

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

Wish I knew

Folks who date to marry— how does that work?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Do men date for marriage?

Folks who date to marry— how does that work?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Do men date for marriage?

We're glad to see you liked this post.