My boyfriend didn't get me a gift for my birthday. Am I in the wrong for being upset?

Question

I just turned 27. My boyfriend is the same age as me and we've been together for 9 months.

Anyway, it was my birthday yesterday and while I wasn't expecting anything big (boyfriend can't afford anything expensive), I was hoping for something small to show his appreciation for me. He came over after I asked him to and he brought me a gift that his mom bought for me. While this was thoughtful of her, I would've much rather gotten a gift from my boyfriend instead. The least he could've done was given me a nice birthday card or some baked goods, but he didn't. I asked him why he couldn't do the bare minimum for me and he just blamed it on being broke, procrastination and his depression. Am I in the wrong for being upset?

We got into an argument afterwards, and at one point, he had a veeery agitated, angry look on his face so I told him "you look like you want to punch me." He said yes, which shocked me, but then he later said he didn't mean it. Is this a sign of potential abuse down the line?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I’m sorry to hear that. As far as saying he wanted to hit you that was harsh, doesn’t mean he meant it. He was very upset obviously, not excusing him for what he said but he was mad he just said whatever because I feel as though he took it as you making him feel bad. Trust me as a man when you don’t have money to get things for those you care about you really feel like shit. Because society tends to look at men as far as what we have, financially, even a lot of women do the same, look at a man financially. So when you don’t have finances you’re like fuck I’m not even a man I can’t provide for my loved ones. It’s taken me a long time to realize it’s not always about that. When my son was little I had very little give give him cause I didn’t have much money. A little cake and maybe a $10 present. I felt like shit. I wanted to throw him there big ass parties. But then I realized hey chances are at that young of an age he doesn’t even remember that stuff now that he’s 16. He was still just as happy w his small cake and his toy but I didn’t realize that. I’m not trying to blame you either, just a little understanding of why he may have acted this way. The one thing that gets to me though, makes me think, why did you have to ask him to come over on your birthday? He should have came on his own.

CallmeTheKnight · Accepted Answer

You can be upset, but you have an expectation that you shouldn't have.

Yikes, he admitted he wanted to hurt you. What did you do or say to him for him to get that upset? I think we all want to know.

For one, grow the hell up, you're a grown woman. You got a gift regardless who gave it to you and you have the nerve to get upset at him. For what... Because you don't feel appreciated... Given how upset he's gotten during or after this argument there's probably a reason he didn't get you one. I don't like that he admitted to wanting to hurt you, but still let's face this issue you have.

You got a gift his mother got you. He probably spoke to his mother on what to get because he may have been struggling on cash. You admitted yourself that he couldn't afford an expensive gift. It's possible they went half on it. The fact is, he saw to it that you received it, but it wasn't from him so that's a problem... Geez.. you're a grown woman. Don't be like with your boyfriend. It's harmful to the entire relationship you have and having an argument is even worse, let alone him wanting to hurt you.

You need to take the positive from this negative and do some re-election on the matter. You both was wrong. He for wanting to hurt you and you for being a spoiled brat

pleaseloveme · Accepted Answer

You are right and wrong. Its reasonable for you to be upset that he didn't get you anything. Even something small or handmade should have been given to you. But you should not have been aggressive with asking him why he doesn't do the bare minimum. Arguing with someone won't make them love you or change their ways.

When i wanted to be treated a certain way by my previous boyfriend i would lead by example and do sweet things for him. It worked and he followed my lead. It didn't work that way with other guys and thats when i would know we werent compatible and searched elsewhere.

It sounds like you would benefit from someone who understands and returns as much energy as you do

Vesuvius87 · Accepted Answer

It's already bad enough that he didn't even try the bare minimum of at least bringing you a b-day gift card. Being broke is an excuse. Even poor people try their best in showing appreciation. Thank his mother for the gift. I'm worried about the fact that he admitted he wanted to punch you. Who would want to hurt a partner over getting called out on their lack of effort to give a b-day gift?

He sounds like an arrogant jerk. Is he going to be broke forever? Do you really plan on even having a future with him? If not, ditch him now.

BlueScorpio · Answer

Besides the gift, what really concerns me is the fact he admitted that he wanted to punch you? That's not okay or normal just cause you were hoping for a small inexpensive gift. It sounds lije he's dealing with a lot at the moment and I do wonder if he's in a good position right now to be in relationship. Depression and anger is not good, I hope he is getting some help for that.

Summeroflove · Answer

Stop crying. You got a gift.

Smoothing · Answer

There is a very good reason his mum got you a gift. If you don't see that she was doing ut be ayse she understands her son's situation, then you are not understanding enough to be with him. Him being broke is a genuine reason and his mum getting you a gift is her stepping in.

Also, gifts may be a symbol of appreciation, but you are not entitled to get one. You should hope for one, and I sincerely understand that women, have the undying need to be shown attention in many ways. However circumstances alter cases. If you can't let the fact that he couldn't afford a gift for you be a reason to let him off the hook, then clearly you are in the relationship for the wrong reason.

Jdjfjcjj · Answer

I personally place far less emphasis on gifts then I do with any other "love language". I tend to also be drawn away to women who place too much emphasis on this. I believe it's the least authentic form of showing love.

Silver linings:
- Fiscally Smart - you upset he didn't buy card at least, but him being broke, he made a good decision not to pay $5-$10 for a card that should cost 25¢.

- Honest - be didn't claim his mother gift as his own

- and label this one however you want but he showed up. Didn't have something more important. Didn't forget. Didn't wait till the weekend when it may have been more convenient.

Sparkie460 · Answer

First, Happy Birthday.
You have a right to be upset. He doesn't have to spend a fortune. He could have gotten a nice card from the dollar store and wrote something from his heart in it to you. I'm sure you would have liked it more if it had some meaning.

Anonymous · Answer

I’d say it depends on the approach. If you continued to dig into him and argue as you implied, than you should learn that a gift is not something you’re entitled to.
Also just the thought of violence isn’t the act of. If he’s honest and self aware he can still be in control of him self. It’s still a issue, but not as much as your approach.
probably would have been better to saying something like “it’s ok if you’re broke I would have been happy with a card.” Hug him and say “don’t let it happen again” It’s easy to get overwhelmed when your broke and Depressed add the embarrassment of your mom getting you something he probably couldn’t that’s kinda rough depending on how much you like someone.

Anyway I’d say you both have issues to workout individually.

NotTacocaT6969 · Answer

It sounds to me like his mother saw what he was planning to get you, called him an idiot and got you something better instead.

This might not be all his fault and might literally just be him upset that his mom had to teach him how to treat a lady on her birthday.

spartan55 · Answer

I will start by saying that your boyfriend is 100% turd for pulling that on your Bday. I broke up with a woman for the very same thing. That being said, here is my Spartan Pro tip: when saying something to provoke him (and very dumb too) EXPECT A NEGATIVE RESPONSE. He won't hit you, but might get rid of you.

petitedollbabee · Answer

Being broke isn’t an excuse. There are things you could do together that don’t require money. If that’s his reaction after all that, I’d break up. He sounds very unstable and if he was thinking of hitting you over it, it won’t stay just a thought if you continue the relationship.

CA4444 · Answer

I would have hated it lol, especially a gift from his mum, like what she’s in the middle of your relationship or what? I hate when relationships are not direct people to people, if she had a gift for you, why not giving it to you in person? No gift - maybe it’s not his thing or maybe he doesn’t want to do the obvious thing that is expected of him and want to be genuine instead. If he’s depressed it’s not good for a relationship anyway you can’t act normal when depressed

Kori1236 · Answer

Not in the wrong for being upset, but I would be looking for a different relationship. He sounds like he’s got some issues he needs to work on. Now I don’t entirely understand the point of gift giving on birthdays. Gifts stopped when I turned 18 so the idea of getting one for my birthday as an adult is odd to me.

Anonymous · Answer

Gentlemen... Right here you are witnessing how important your money is to women. They will even created trumped up charges of future hypothetical abuse in order to justify leaving you because they couldn't get access to your money.

Everything you need to know about modern women in the west. You'll find in this post.

Vegasrunner · Answer

I think you already know this answer to this one. It's messed up to not get someone something on their bday, and then having the feeling of wanting to punch you for being upset is a huge red flag. My bday is on NYD so I've never gotten a bunch of bday gifts but I would never show up on someone's bday w/out giving a gift. Whole thing sounds strange.

YourFavoriteFriend · Answer

Your boyfriend having a depression says a lot. You other understand that about him and don't expect a lot or you leave him and try to find someone else. Also when it comes to the punch, no it is not a sign of potential abuse.

dustybiker · Answer

I would be looking for a new relationship. And not because of the lack of gift. He needs time alone to deal with whatever he’s going through there..

foreveronly · Answer

Is he seeking help?

Is he getting help for his procrastination or depression or being broke?

If no then

He's planning to use these excuses to justify his rude behavior for the most part.

Its like saying I have anger issues but ill do absolutely nothing to get rid of my anger issues and ull have to bear with it because u chose to date him

Simply refuse to date someone who doesn't make an active effort to seek help.

EmbraceThePain · Answer

Well, you're not wrong for feeling the way you feel, but your boyfriend could also not be wrong. As for the comment about punching you, no, I don't think it is a sign of abuse in the future.

worldscolide · Answer

Seems sad that he can't even bring him self to get you a card. Birthdays and anniversaries are days that I never forget between my wife and I. Though for her birthday I usually make her something. I build things lol.

es20490446e · Answer

I'm the kind of guy who buys the present himself, but it is just some chocolate fruits to eat. Although with a post-card made by me.

I think it's okay to be upset, but it's not that important to be honest.

slatyb · Answer

He got angry because you were disappointed because he forgot your birthday? Dump him. A normal person would have been apologetic.

My boyfriend didn't get me a gift for my birthday. Am I in the wrong for being upset?

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