Why do I feel used after sex with my boyfriend?

[artsy_dragon]

We have been together for 5 years and we live together. I have been feeling kike this on and off throught that time but more recently it has happened all the time after we have had sex.

He has hurt his leg and I asked if he was okay and he said he was okay. He doesn't seem in pain. We have talked about how I feel used after sex but nothing gets done.

We were meant to watch Wednesday tonight on Netflix with ice cream but that hasn't happened. He literally came and cuddled for 5 minutes. Then continued playing Metal Gear Solid. When I asked if he wanted to watch Neflix he said no and played his game.

He promised we could watch it. I just feel so alone ☹️

[NamerOfStars]

It sounds like you're not feeling the connection you want to have. Now, here's the question: you say you've talked about feeling used, but "nothing gets done"- what is it you want to be done, and by who? If you're not sure yourself, you can't tell him, and then it's not exactly reasonable to expect him to do it.

But you can fix this. Start with some thought and reflection- ask yourself what, specifically, you want, and how. Then try to think about it from your boyfriend's perspective; he's just as human as you are, and his feelings and desires matter just as much. Try to think of what his objections might be, and how you could work together to find a mutually agreeable solution. (The key word there is "together"; you're not looking for ways to counter or rebut his objections- you're not opponents here, just people with conflicting desires.) You probably won't think of everything; that's okay. When you talk to him again, you'll be able to make concrete requests, and he'll appreciate (or should, at least) that you're bringing answers, as well as problems, and that you've tried to consider this from his point of view as well; "I want US to..." comes across much better than "I want YOU to...".

Then talk to him again. Make it clear that you're feeling unappreciated, and tell him what you'd like him to do. You can ask him, too, if there's more that HE wants; he'll likely say he wants some time to himself, and that's okay, too- establishing boundaries is an important part of a healthy relationship. But it sounds like you want him to commit to spending time with you when he says that's what he'll do, and that's very reasonable- you need to allow SOME leeway; when a day is absolutely wretched and you need to decompress before you explode, or just collapse into bed and go to sleep, you're not going to be bringing much to a get-together anyway, but then you should be willing to give your partner a rain check and reschedule for sometime soon.

So ask him to commit to ice cream and cuddling- yes, it's better if it's a spontaneous thing, but work with what you've got; the truly great relationships aren't found, they're built- and to think about when that would work. Release day for some new game he's eagerly anticipating is a bad choice. Then hold him to it.

[bowenw]

He's not treating you with respect. It's probably time for you to move on.

[bowenw]

Thank you for the MHO. 😊

[Summeroflove]

Probably because he’s using you for sex and won’t marry you after 5 years

[artsy_dragon]

Great thanks

[Summeroflove]

You’re welcome

[CoolCatMar1]

This is awful OMG

[artsy_dragon]

I am so confused

[CoolCatMar1]

I hope he will treat u right

[artsy_dragon]

He probably won't

[Summeroflove]

@CoolCatMar1 my comment or her situation?

[Summeroflove]

I think maybe you should break up with him if he doesn’t treat you right

[artsy_dragon]

Thanks

[Summeroflove]

Your welcome

[Nahid1707]

i would agree with last part, i gotten that impression about you.


Living together is a big commitment, of course you don’t need me to say the clique stuff and the obvious part.


You two are good


You’ll need to give him space though 😊

[YourFavoriteFriend]

A person who doesn't care about his/her partner's feelings are scum. You feel used because he is using out. Not only for sex but he's using you and doing whatever he wants without caring about you in general. It's time to end this!

[artsy_dragon]

Easier said then done ngl

[YourFavoriteFriend]

Of course. But that's the same as every hard decision in life. In any case, you now know and have no excuses. It's up to you! Good luck!

[artsy_dragon]

True and thanks

[NathanDavis]

because it is actually what is going on... you let him take advantage of you, so he does that, in turn

[Raaj4you]

If it's consensual sex then you will not feel used.