I met this girl on a dating app, I made it clear I was only interested in a casual friends with benefits situation. She agreed and said she was looking for the same. We’ve hung out 5 times, and have been hooking up and we agreed to let each other know if we slept with anyone else.
As time went on, I realized she was severely depressed and it is far too much for me to handle, especially since my last relationship had a lot of the same problems. She would tell me about how horrible the other guys were that she talked to and she asked me if I was having similar problems. I said that none of the other people I was talking to have been bad. And she immediately asked why I was talking to other people and asking if she wasn’t good enough. I was very confused because this had been the arrangement and I thought we were good since she was always telling me about all the guys she was talking to. I know I need to end things with her, but I am legitimately nervous about what could happen. She told me that people only think she is good for sex and nothing more, and I did not mean to make her feel like that. I was very up front with my intentions and she even said later that, yes, we agreed to keep things casual but she doesn’t know why I would be talking to other people.
This just doesn’t seem like a healthy situation for me or her at this point since it seems like she actually did want an exclusive relationship despite what we had talked about and I am not ready for that, especially not in these circumstances. But I am scared that ending things may make things worse for her.
As time went on, I realized she was severely depressed and it is far too much for me to handle, especially since my last relationship had a lot of the same problems. She would tell me about how horrible the other guys were that she talked to and she asked me if I was having similar problems. I said that none of the other people I was talking to have been bad. And she immediately asked why I was talking to other people and asking if she wasn’t good enough. I was very confused because this had been the arrangement and I thought we were good since she was always telling me about all the guys she was talking to. I know I need to end things with her, but I am legitimately nervous about what could happen. She told me that people only think she is good for sex and nothing more, and I did not mean to make her feel like that. I was very up front with my intentions and she even said later that, yes, we agreed to keep things casual but she doesn’t know why I would be talking to other people.
This just doesn’t seem like a healthy situation for me or her at this point since it seems like she actually did want an exclusive relationship despite what we had talked about and I am not ready for that, especially not in these circumstances. But I am scared that ending things may make things worse for her.
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Opinion
1Opinion
Yeah I can imagine you’re nervous. There’s always the fantasy of casual hookups and there’s the reality and the risks, which is what you’re experiencing now. With mental health challenges as wide spread as they are, I’d say this is what every should expect to happen from now on. Casual sex is very rarely actually casual. But I’d say just be honest with her, and sensitive to her emotions. You can’t allow yourself to be dragged further into her problems especially when she’s not someone you intend on having a relationship with. It pains me to know there are people with emotional scars on dating apps looking for casual hookups when that you w literally the last thing they need.
I think it's good that you are concerned about her, and are rightfully hesitant in ending things because she was looking up to a relationship.
That said, you naturally have also to think about your wellbeing, and the first thing that should matter when dating and being with a girl is that you make her happy the way she makes you happy.
You've been upfront, so keep being upfront and tell her what you said here, also if you think you can handle it, offer to support and be there for her as a friend. Naturally, if you take that route, stop having sex with her.
Good luck to you and her.