What would you do if you had an 18 year old child dating someone in their 30s?

Question

AnUglyBarnacle · Accepted Answer

I'd be very suspicious, whether it's a young daughter-older man or young son-older woman. I couldn't legally stop my child, but the issue would certainly cause friction between us if she/he wanted my approval. This type of stuff can break up families.

If my child did seek my proverbial blessing, then I'd want to meet the older person and have a discussion between me, my wife, and them about why they want to date my child with such a head start in their life. Bringing an older sibling along for a date or two would be a reassuring gesture.

Also, if the younger person initiates, then I'm less suspicious. A 34 year old woman being pushy with my 18 son or a 32 year old man towards my 18 daughter would give me the suspicion that they have a barely legal fetish and / or want to take advantage of someone's naïveté.

I realize that there are quite rare cases where two people have unusually high compatibility in terms of personality type or energy but were born years apart. And some folks know what they want early in life as far as major points (rural vs. urban, having children, attending college, etc.), which allows overlap with someone older having similar plans. And, if one lives in an area with few people where folks also tend to marry early, then there might not be too many quality options around the older person's age.

So, yeah, very suspicious and probably not supportive. But willing to accept the relationship if the person in their 30s can prove their intent and character to me and the mother.

Danger345 · Accepted Answer

They are not an 18 year old child they are an adult and not much I can do about it there 18

jennifer_bloom · Answer

My grandma was 20 when she married my 30 year old grandpa and he was not exploiting her or using her, he protected her and loved her and provided for her all his life and honoured her like she was the lady of the court. When he was old and suffering terrible diseases, he was in constant torment and pain, but his concern was not his own suffering but the loneliness his wife would feel if he was not able to stay alive to love her every day. He fought very very very hard to stay alive despite unimaginable suffering because he did not want his wife to lose the only man she ever loved.

Summeroflove · Answer

He’s a adult. If she’s a good woman. It is what it is. If I don’t really think she’s good for him. I might be concerned and try to speak to him.

But at some point once someone is a adult. He just has to make his own choices.

Guy13 · Answer

I would consider a 30 year-old man willing to date an 18 year old girl as Creepy. I do not think that I could do anything but try to understand it

NewYorkCity · Answer

1. Younger girls do love older men, especially who have everything, financial stability and nice cars, I think it should be obvious why.

2. As a parent, of course I would be very concerned, because I know for a fact that 30+ year old scumbag has zero interest in marrying my daughter and staying with her for the rest of his life.

3. If my 18 year old daughter dating a 30+ year old man, that means I failed as a father, because she decided to be with an older man who probably saying all the right things that make her feel loved and wanted, something that apparently she never got from me and that would suck big time and it would be a lesson that I won't be able to NOT repeat again, because it would be to damn late for that. Certain doors cannot be closed ones they are opened.

snackthatsmilesback · Answer

Same thing as any relationship: make sure she knows she deserves fairness and respect and has control in it. Make her aware of the signs of toxicity and abuse in a relationship, and that she should always feel safe to come to us or anyone else she trusts with any concerns or problems. If she don't wanna talk to us about it, at least have someone. Absolutely do not let her partner isolate her & be her only source of support or guidance—regardless of their age.

Of course if this is a clear case of grooming and they were just waiting for her to turn 18 before officially dating her, then I'd hopefully catch on sooner and get a restraining order or something against them. But if I didn't realize til she's an adult then I don't know what I could do about that that would actually work. So maybe just go back to the initial, and hope she realizes very quickly that he is taking advantage of her..

slatyb · Answer

At 18 there's not a lot I can do besides meet there man and express any concerns I have. My maki question is how well is he doing at adulting. Is he supporting himself? Does he have a career or just a McJob? How did they may? 30-something me who hit on teenagers tend to be stuck at 17 themselves.

Blackmoonsns · Answer

There's nothing I really can do she's a consenting adults if she has her own place and she has her own job taking care of herself she has a right to date who she wants I would like to meet this man and see what kind of person he has to judge for myself if it's intentions are pure or not that would be my only stipulation.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

If it was an 18 yo boy I'd make sure it was casual. Because being serious in this situation would be very bad for him.

If it was an 18 yo girl, I'd make sure it was serious. In fact I would be upset if I had a teen daughter talking to someone close to her age because that's basically guarantees to be a fucked up relationship that will not last. 30+ only.

Anonymous · Answer

Just hope he's a good man like my husband was when I started dating him when I was 16.

4ngelic · Answer

i'd try to get them to break up for sure. no way i'm letting my kid (regardless if theyre a guy or girl) date someone that old at just 18. not letting them date anyone older than like 23-24 especially if it's a girl

AsaKyo · Answer

Kinda weird and suspicious cause' I'd be wondering why the 30 year old can't find someone around their own age range

Mark987 · Answer

This is very sensitive... for sure there is something wrong... I would never allow an 18 year old to date a 30 year old.. EVER.

Jennz6 · Answer

18 is legal, and probably depends who started the dating, did the 18 year old hit on the 30 year old person?

exitseven · Answer

If it was a guy dating my daughter he might have a tragic accident.

Jerre · Answer

I would try to discourage her. But I am much older and have dated 18-19 year old girls, so probably a losing battle.

MaSult · Answer

I can't answer like that. I would then know more naturally how mature my child is and of course I would get to know his/her partner better. Only then could I decide what I think.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Wish them good luck with their relationship.

BJP21 · Answer

Id be interrogating him like the FBI... Full polygraph test, STD, STI tests... etc.

Nerdbod · Answer

As long as they didn't start dating till the younger person was actually 18 then it's okay

CeIIestial · Answer

I'd be interested in their partner's ethics and values rather than their age.

kareka · Answer

Wow.. Sure he likes her body  I will ask him to know me her after he break up HAHAHA

Juxtapose · Answer

An 18 year old can do whatever.

Anonymous · Answer

Nothing

Anonymous · Answer

Gross.

What would you do if you had an 18 year old child dating someone in their 30s?

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