If your 21 year old daughter was dating a 44 year old man, what would you do?

[MK1997]

[GOLDFISH_smile]

Have my husband get to know the man to see why he likes my daughter. I should be close enough to my daughter to know why she likes him. Hopefully it's just a fling or something light, and they will then go separate ways or just be friends.

I would be very sad for my daughter to fall in love with someone she will almost definitely outlive by decades, and before that she will likely have to become caretaker for and see him decline while she is still relatively young and healthy. Also cost of potential care, combined with losing an income when he is no longer able to work but she still has 2 decades, and any kids they have are still young and not likely to have any extra money either.

Also I would be worried for her to do something big like get married or have a child with someone much older while she's still so young and has every option, I'd be suspicious she's been pressured because the man already has his life basically settled and is running out of time to build a family. Don't want her to be rushed and miss opportunities for career or travel like we kinda did with her.

If this really is her choice and they love each other, I would support her decision and their relationship like any other. I know these are all risks of any relationship even if you are the same age. I would be worried for her still though because it is much more likely with that kind of age gap, and i don't want her to have a hard or lonely time later in life. 💞🙏

[idonotlikeyou]

Adults can do whatever they want as long as they’re not breaking the law. What’s the problem?

[MK1997]

People have different views

[idonotlikeyou]

What other perspective can you have on adults? Unless you're toxic and deny others their free will and the right to make their own decisions, there isn’t much room for another viewpoint. And toxic people aren’t worth worrying about.

[BullShark]

I've already answered this kind question many times, but since I was requested, this will be the last.

As always, she's an adult with her own free will. She can date whoever she wants. And as long as that 44 year old isn't a pervert, isn't dating her simply to get into her pants, genuinely shows he cares and loves her, and is there to provide for her, and isn't someone I know, like a friend of mine, that's fine.

On the flipside, if I find out it's a friend of mine she's seeing, then he's getting one of the severest beatings of a lifetime by yours truly. Dating your friends' kids is disgusting.

[MK1997]

What if they were just having sex?

[BullShark]

Once again, no.

[MK1997]

Why not if it's just sex?

[BullShark]

Would you like it if your son was having sex with a friend of your's behind your back?

[MK1997]

I am saying if they were strangers

[BullShark]

Still no.

[MK1997]

Why not?

[BullShark]

Look at my original answer to your question.

[MK1997]

What would you do if they just had a sexual relationship?

[BullShark]

Since I personally don't do casual hookups with random people, I'd teach my kids not to do them either. Very rarely will your kids ever go against your teachings if you've already given them better alternatives and reasons for them. If like me, she prefers having a healthy relationship with someone instead of a one time thing, this would never happen.
End of story.

[MK1997]

Oh fair if you'd raise them like that

[msc545]

@BullShark What sort of man are you if you have friends that you consider to be perverts or criminals? If a man is good enough to be your friend, is he also not good enough to date your daughter?

[BullShark]

@msc545 dude can you not read? When and where did I say he can date my daughter if he's a friend? And I never said I had ffiends who were perverts so I don't even know where you got that analogy from. Jeez

[msc545]

You didn't say he could. However, if he is your friend why do you object to him dating your daughter?

[BullShark]

@msc545 because personal preferences are a thing? And it would make things weird and awkward for me towards both my daughter and friend. Would you let your close friend sleep with your mother if that were the case?

[msc545]

I get that personal preference is a thing, but in this case, they are both adults and perhaps you would want to subsume your personal preferences in the service of maintaining good relationships with both of them. Also, making threats of violence toward your friend, while they may temporarily enhance your self-image, is unlikely to enhance the friendship and would probably lead to a lot of trouble you didn't anticipate.

[BullShark]

@msc545 so you would let your friend sleep with your mother then? Got it. As for our "relationship" you could continue seeing your friend if you like in this scenario, but I personally would cut off my ties with them. There are just some lines you don't cross and family is one of them, and this is where they must choose, but our friendship would be tainted the moment I find out they were sleeping with my daughter.

You may like to take it however you may see fit and stay friends with them, heck, maybe even getting closer, but that's just me. Most people wouldn't be comfortable with it and I'm that sort of person. And vice versa, if the roles were reversed, I would never date my friend's daughter either, no matter how attractive she may be, or how much she's close to me. If I've been in this girl's life since the moment she was born, watched her grow from being a baby, to a toddler, to a child and now a fully grown adult, I will see her as nothing more than my own daughter. The love I'd have for her is something equal to a father and daughter, not a romantic one, and if it's the latter for you, you need genuine help

[msc545]

@BullShark You have a lot of rules for other adults and for yourself. How do you plan to enforce your rules on other adults if the need should arise? More open threats of physical violence?

Your rules for yourself are your business and yours alone. Your rules for other adults are frankly none of your business to enforce.

[SnowyOwl]

@BullShark
Glad to see a gen z with protective instincts <3

[BullShark]

@msc545 if the need should arise? You cannot be serious right now dude. I've interacted with a lot of people on G@G over the couple years I've been on this platform, but you sir, win the award for the biggest, most bigoted cuck on here; trying to justify why it's okay in your opinion to let your aging friends smash your freshly turned adult daughter or your old mother (perhaps even wife).

You say I have a lot of "rules" for myself? Whereas you're here arguing with me why I'M wrong for feeling uncomfortable over the thought of an old guy engaging in coitus with my young daughter and/or my friend who's my age, having sexual relations with the woman that birthed me. These aren't "needs" you must fulfill with the kids/parents of your friends, and if you have them, again, that's inappropriate and wrong.

There is NO EXCUSE for any one of your friends to be sexually intimate with your mother or yoir daughter. There are plenty of women their age out there and if they don't feel attracted to them, that's their personal problem, not mine.

You say I'm issuing "open threats of physical violence" go outside and tell one of your friends that you want to f*ck their daughter, and see what happens. Or go tell your mother you want her to f*ck your childhood friend. You're either a troll or there's something seriously wrong with you if you think there's nothing wrong here.

Take this as my last response however you see fit. This goes out to all you perverts.

[msc545]

@BullShark How were you planning to enforce your rules, tough guy? Guns, fists, grenades, what? Words are cheap.

[JNovak94]

I can see your point here with having watched them grow up from infancy being a no-go. But if not, I also agree that if someone treats the other person well than why not be happy about it.

[JNovak94]

@BullShark

[msc545]

@JNovak94 He wants to control who other adults sleep with. Not ok at all.

[JNovak94]

@msc545 but where tho? I read "she can date whoever she wants".

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I'd encourage her to give him some pussy.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Thanks for MHO :)

[MK1997]

Love your response lol

[AviatorTom]

I'd be a father (as always) and talk to her about her life. She's an adult and can do whatever she wants. I may give advice if she asks for it but I would nit otherwise interfere, unless I knew more about this guy than she does.

[MK1997]

What do you mean you knew more?

[AviatorTom]

@mk1997 If, for example, I knew he was divorced and had abused his wife, I'd have a nice long talk with her about it.

[ohsheeT]

Well she's an adult so she can do anything she wants as a matter of fact my daughter has done this and the only thing I could say is do you love him

[Finchie40]

Nothing, if he treats her good and they are both happy together , that’s all that matters

[JNovak94]

Agreed.

[Avicenna]

She’s an adult, and I’m not some helicopter parent

[DishLady]

State my opinion and have trusted members of the family speak with her as well. Tell the guy to fuck off if his only intentions are short-term fun.

[Summeroflove]

They’re adults if I feel the relationship is sketchy I may say something but there isn’t anything I can do if they’re grown adults.

[TheorionMage]

Foremost, MY 21 yr old daughter would be WELL-versed in mastery of her OWN fertility and common-sense precautions regarding STD's. 'Gather Ye rosebuds whilst Ye may' ... youth & beauty are perishable commodities~

At 22, she'd most likely not be still residing in my home and WHOM she celebratorily shares her libido with (male OR female) IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS!

She'd have been raised & 'schooled' in the Neo-pagan faction of the Universalist Unitarian Alliance, of which (all puns intended) both my Spouse and myself are legally-ordained Ministers ... and Tantric 'sacred sexuality' is but one form of OUR 'communion' prayer services.

Dr. Wilhelm Reich's book 'The Function of Orgasm' and the Soviet's Kirilian Photography validates the real world science, underpinning these ancient energetic meditative practices. "Let Us pray---"

[D_Bone_Steak]

Why would I need to do anything? Especially if it's my daughter.

He's around my age so I'm pretty sure he knows I'm glad she's with him instead of some 21 year old fuck boy that wants to be recognized by the boys that he's a player.

I'm sorry you young dudes, but you usually don't have your shit together yet. Can't even handle a whole bottle of scotch yet... without turning into some pussy that cries, gets violent, or does something stupid.

I mean I would screen the dude just like any dude... sort of figure him out. But I have no problem with whatever my daughter wants. She's an adult. I wouldn't expect her to interject when I bang her 19 year old friend. We're going to high five, and talk shit about it.

... and of course we're both not going to tell her Mother about it.

[Levin]

When I get to that age I would date a woman that age... I mean, providing she has some functioning brain cells and is actually a decent person.

There's the assumption that it's always predatory. I think that's reflective of that person's state of being, rather than reality.

[Intheclouds00]

Depends. If she was in love, what could I do? If she wasn't, still, what could I do? I am not here to direct her life, I am here to pick up the pieces when it goes wrong. For those that Love their children, it's unconditional. To answer your next question, if it was my friend, that would be different regardless of age. Even if she sucked off random dudes , still, what could I do? She is still my daughter. What she does behind closed doors is not my business. Next set up question please genius.

[Anonymous]

When I was 31 was in a relationship with a 21 year old, at the time I didn't know she was still in another relationship.
But we had a great relationship for a couple of years and it only ended because she wasn't willing to dela with her family history problems together. Too bad, because it was the best relationship, I've moved one. But she hasn't, still has the same problems.
Our relationship was actually great, we had stuff that we loved doing together, had stuff that we liked talking about, the sex was amazing and we had enough time to hang out and money was not a problem.
Her mom and her partner did check me and enroll into one of my afternoon classes, but I met them too and her mom didn't have an issue with us.

[NathanOlipop]

Two adults are allowed to consent and if I had to tell my daughter at that age what she's supposed to do still, than that means I personally have a problem with myself I need to fix before judging her. It's genuinely her business. Yes, the male to female ratio is 1:1, but because women participate in the social order while men go do this thing that makes society function called work, men tend to be unable to navigate the social structure until they're older and then some Karen who was toxic to her husband and lost him in her 30's can't find love and goes around trying to specifically block these men from finding meaningful relationships. There are bad men out there that would target vulnerable women by age, but those men from my own observations go after women with self esteem issues.

[4ngelic]

i'd be against it, and i'd tell her but i wouldn't go to extreme lengths to break them up or anything, since she's not a minor or 18/19. i would be a bit concerned and worried about his intentions, and also hers (like is this a sugar daddy relationship?). i'd assume it most likely wouldn't be a long relationship, i'd give it a couple months at best and i'd pray they break up as soon as possible

[MK1997]

How could you break them up anyway?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like my sister. The guy was older than our mother. She was pissed because she wanted him but he wanted my sister and my sister wanted him. My mother was 34 at the time, my sister 18 and the guy 40 and she was and is still a very attractive woman.

[Opinion Owner]

I guess there's nothing I could do but give my opinion and leave it at that as she's an adult capable of being responsible for her good and bad decisions. My sister is very happy with her older man though she and my mother don't talk.

[emeraldsaphire]

21, 44 is a big gap, but I have a thing for older guys so I get it. I'd probably just let it go as normal. If I had reason to think something bad was going on like he was abusive I'd probably try to do something. But with out any red flags it's fine

[Zack-Bann]

I imagine I wouldn’t approve if the age gap was 23 years and the man is probably closer in age to me than he is to her


But I would like to think that I’d raise a smart and responsible daughter who wouldn’t make horrible life decisions for no reason

[lightbulb27]

I'd ask lots of questions, meet them, challenge her thinking and decisions. Is this what is right, good for you.

At that point, it's her life and ya have to live with your consequences.

If I see abuse, then we intervene and there's an argument.

I don't see this scenario w us, but older... for sure. Guys are so immature at young ages. Finding a mature one is tough.

[Anonymous]

I am 27, having a thing with a 45 year old. At 21, I was too immature for this age difference… But if they are mature and understand each other, who am I to judge?

[MK1997]

What if it was just sex?

[avery58]

I mean, I wouldn't care if it was anyone else... even though I do think that age difference has many incompatibilities. But if it's my daughter, she's a free woman at the end of the day, but I'd keep an eye on that guy and at least have a talk with him. After all, it's easy for someone much older to take advantage of or hurt someone that age and who's brain isn't even fully developed yet. So he better know that she ain't alone.

[JNovak94]

It depends on how he treated her. My husband was 32 when I was 21 and nobody has ever treated me better. We're married with a kid and have been together for more than 8 years now. I know he's my forever.

I'd much rather have my daughter date a guy who's older vs a guy who treats her badly. I feel like in today's society, it's a blessing to find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated and you should be somewhat open minded if that's what you seek.

[Gobbyjobby52]

I wouldn't be too happy about it but there wouldn't be anything i could of because she is a legal adult and it's her decision who she dates 18+, I'd probably be wary of certain odd behaviour from him and lightly bring it up just so i could have some clarity that he isn't preying on her inexperience and youth. I'd be alarmed if they were talking prior to her being pre-18 though.

[Raphaëlle]

I would be a bit uncomfortable with the age gap, not going to lie here. But they're adults and getting to know him would be a priority. It would be nice to know a bit of his past as well so he would treat the daughter well. For example has he been married before, does he have children, is he a cheater, is he financially stable and so on.

[genericname85]

as you said in the example, she's already 21 years old. if at that point she doesn't manage to make good decisions for her own life, i failed as a parent. so I don't know man. i am not a parent and words are cheap but i like to think that i'd be a better dad than that. so that this wouldn't even happen.

[IknowthatIdontKnow09]

In this day and age it is no longer unusual to hear things like this. I will say something that is cliché "as long as there is love, what is the problem?" but how do you know what is in a person's heart?

[snermcger]

Well, that depends. If he was well off and stable I would encourage her to take it seriously. If he was flat out rich I may even replace her birth control pills with a sugar placebo. You can never have too many rich relatives. We all like free drinks.

[shortster]

Ask him what his intentions were; if he said he was looking for marriage I wouldn't have a problem with it. If he said sex, then I would talk to my daughter about the value of waiting until marriage for sex and his intentions towards her. Granted that is based on me believing that he told me the truth.

[MK1997]

Why wait until marriage?

[shortster]

It is the best for everyone to wait for marriage. Sex outside of marriage tends to ruin relationships for everyone involved.

[xkildy]

Likely the 40 year old is hopefully mature enough to realise how freaking lucky he is to even touch her. But She needs to understand that, there kid, and the people around him will be asking your the dad or uncle.

[MK1997]

Why lucky

[xkildy]

Cause a women is giving him the time of day being her age Verus his age

[Anonymous]

Personally I would do nothing, but I would bind the individual in Jesus' name making it clear that I do so because I suspect he has an ungodly assignment. Action is only taken by the Holy Kingdom when the person is doing something unjust. I have at least 10+ examples of this and it has completely changed my life. But many are busy not believing so miss out on all of this.

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

I did the same. As long as he's a good and serious boyfriend, I will not interfere.

I had no regrets myself. ❤️

[Anonymous]

vet the man as if he were 21 as well and remind my daughter of the values I taught her

[MK1997]

What if they were friends with benefits but he seduced her?

[Opinion Owner]

anything that doesn't come under traditional monogamous marriage is a no no as far as values are taught to her

[MK1997]

So what would you do in that case

[Opinion Owner]

I'd hang out with the guy to see what he's all about

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

If I had a daughter that was 21, and me being only 18, clearly time travel is involved.

So I would be worried that the 44 year old man she was dating was actually her grandson, or something equally gross.

[MK1997]

😂😂😂

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

Also I'd be worried about terminators.

[LunarEclipse433]

If I had a daughter, I would guide her but I wouldn't tell her how to live her life.

[MK1997]

That's what I would do

[TheCoffeeisHot]

She's an adult, and I can't dictate anything and can't have the last word on something so personal and intimate as her romantic relationships but I can however keep an eye out for her and have my partner help me keep an eye out for her, without being smothering, of course.

[Matt_M]

If they're mentally and emotionally compatible and there's no glaring power imbalances at play, then I don't really see the problem. When Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall got married in 1945 he was 46 and she was 20. In her autobiography, Bacall wrote, "I fairly often have thought how lucky I was. I knew everybody because I was married to Bogie, and that 25-year difference was the most fantastic thing for me to have in my life."

[MemeSupreme]

make sure she's checked they're at a similar place in life like goals and whatever

and i wanna know what he's like, does he have kids, what's he do, etc.

[MK1997]

What if it was just casual

[MemeSupreme]

why is she telling me about him then lol

[MK1997]

Parents usually ask no?

[MemeSupreme]

idkk how normal parent relationships are

all ik is you can lie to them or they wouldn't really care or notice to ask

[MK1997]

So you wouldn't care?

[MemeSupreme]

idkk why she'd be telling me but not enough to say anything

[MK1997]

Enough to say anything?

[MemeSupreme]

i meant i wouldn't care enough to say anything unless she's says something that's a redflag

[plundo]

It would be okay I guess. Just look at both of their purposes and then decide if it is okay. Does she just like a "Daddy with money" and does he only like young women, okay. But sometimes the purposes are not good

[FunkyMonkee]

See what his interests in her are and check to see if he's gonna be right for her. Pretty much the same as if they were both 21.

[RavVid]

This age gap is too great. The age gap is more years than she is. In this scenario I assume they are having sex so that horse has bolted. All the father can do is discouraged it.

[MK1997]

I think it's good for her, she can learn a lot

[RavVid]

Is this a hypothetical or someone you know? Cause there is difference between imagined and real.

Certainly there is capacity to learn from an older partner.

[MK1997]

Real

[HighValue]

If it was an exclusive long term relationship, and he was a good person that didn't do drugs, drink alcohol a lot, and wasn't liberal then I'd be okay with it.

[MK1997]

What if it was a friend with benefits relationship

[Drelikee]

Ask my daughter if she had any friends that like men my age, 50. If she complained I would tell her not to be a hypocrite. 😊

[MK1997]

Lol nice

[Drelikee]

Honestly though I don't think I would be comfortable dating a friend's daughter. Like a friend that I cared about. It would feel all kinds of fucked up. Remembering their 10th birthday party from a decade before. Yea, the more I consider the realities the more I realize how bizarre that would be.

[SnowyOwl]

Report this man to the cops. Even If she's technically an adult, the difference in maturity level makes that pedophilia

[MK1997]

Lol you sure aren't the smartest

[SnowyOwl]

Well I'm sure you're a genius since you can judge so quickly without any real foundation

[MK1997]

Lol that's ironic considering you have no foundation at all

[SnowyOwl]

Do you even know what sarcasm is? I can't even call you boomer cuz apparently we're the same age xD... NVM tho, I'm sure boomers get sarcasm way better than the crystal gen z

[MK1997]

I don't think you were sarcastic. You just realise you looked extremely foolish 😂

[msc545]

How does someone get to be 27 and learn nothing?

[SnowyOwl]

Oh yea, cuz you think I'd actually call you a genius? Lmao, the lies people tell themselves.
Guess not every school teaches to read between the lines

[MK1997]

What are you even talking about? Jesus, some people really need mental help

[MK1997]

@msc545 Unfortunately people like her are everywhere, I seen them on Reddit too

[Anonymous]

If she’s 21, nothing I could or would do except warm her that some older guys just want sex and will pretend to be in love with her in order to get it.

[MK1997]

What if they were friends with benefits?

[Opinion Owner]

Wouldn’t be happy, but not much I could or would do. If they’re fwbs, she doesn’t need a warning about using her for sex. Besides, she probably wouldn’t tell me anyway. I’m 18 and if I had an friends with benefits (which I definitely wouldn’t), I certainly wouldn’t tell my mom about it.

[MK1997]

Whats wrong with friends with benefits

[Opinion Owner]

Nothing. Just not my thing. But you do you girl.

[mobiusforniner]

Hmmm…. im taking a wild guess that maybe someone here in their 20s has the hots for a guy in his 40s…..😉. If he likes you, just go for it MK1997.

[superchan2011]

As long as the man treated her right I wouldn't take issue with it

[anon1903]

I can't accept that. He most likely groomed her. I'd try to break them off. If she chooses him over me, fine. Good riddance

No daughter of mine is dating a weird pedo. Ew

[FateofOphelia]

Grooming a 21 year old and a pedo?
That's impossible, you have serious issues. Seek help.

[anon1903]

@FateofOphelia I said what I said. Don't like it? Block.

[anon1903]

@FateofOphelia my opinion is a thousand times better than your music taste. Just saying

[AnonAndrew]

I don't have a daughter, but if I did, I would do nothing.

Who cares? As long as he's a decent guy, then I don't care about his age.

[ilistengood]

she's 21, you eventually have to believe you taught them to think for themselves and whats right whats wrong, then id invite them to go shooting with me,

[Tarifa]

She's old enough to decide. They're both adults, let them make the decisions that are best for them.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to have kids asap or end it. If she's planning to be child-free I'll just consider myself a failure, and not say anything about her relationship.

[MK1997]

Why do kids matter here?

[Opinion Owner]

I want my genetic line to continue

[WilliamPamer446]

Id advise against dating older people but meet him tell her its her choice try to make it non awkward as possible

[alice55]

Nothing as is it legal, it's gross but there's nothing you can legally do

[MK1997]

Ok homophobe

[alice55]

Ok weirdo, this came out of nowhere XD

[MK1997]

You don't care about this but quickly throw tantrum if it's same sex relationship. As if the mom could do anything. 😑

[ProbablyClueless]

I would caution her about the risks, but it's her choice, at the end of the day. She's an adult, I can't tell her who she can and can't see.

[JennaFox]

No matter what my feelings would be, I'd try to be supportive. The best we can do to our children is allowing them to live and be there in case they make mistakes. We offer advices when asked, but never turn our backs to them.

[MotherEarth2020]

Nothing, she is over 18. There is nothing you can do

[DrPepper12]

Express my concerns 1x and then never say anything again.

[MK1997]

What kind of concerns?

[DrPepper12]

1st I would preface it's her life but hear me out

If it gets serious there's decisions to be made
Longevity & virility are issues
May be asked to sign a pre-nup
Does his family approve?
Are you willing to sacrifice career?
What commonalities do you have at that span?

Then I would say I have concerns but ultimately it's her life and I support her decisions

[Dongie]

What if he kinda hurt her in a slightly physical way?

[DrPepper12]

No domestic violence unless it's consensual in the bedroom...

Seriously no. You don't cross that line.

[MK1997]

@Dongie why did you ask that?

[Dongie]

That's between me and Doc. It's nothing special for you to get into it.

[MK1997]

@Dongie it's my question

[Anonymous]

I would make sure he isn't a 44-year-old divorcee or a bum living with his parents. If he got money then I would just leave it alone.

[MK1997]

What if they would just hooking up

[Opinion Owner]

She is grown-up at 21 I can't make her not make bad decisions. The more pressure I put on her the more likely she's going to make more bad decisions. You have to let them see it for themselves and see how it feels to have bad and shitty people in your life to understand why not to let them.

If you protect your adult kids from everything they are just going to resent you and not take any of your advice. If you I tell you, you can't eat sugar at all you're not going to listen me and still eat sugar if I tell you, you shouldn't eat sugar all the time then you might listen and understand what I am saying because I am not completely getting rid of your choices. I don't want them to ignore all of my advice, so I am not going to be controlling. Sometimes you need to feel enough pain in order for you to change up your life I just want it to be crippling pain that you can't recover from.

[Dongie]

I'd screen him very close and not show any disapproval in her presence.

He could be heading for a bad time but she wouldn't know it.

[MK1997]

What bad time?

[beefcakebradybatson]

Nothing. She's a woman, but I'd advise her about not so much the age difference (LOT of us older lads club younger ladies !!!), but his intentions and opinion of her as a partner.

[SotiCoto]

Do? Nothing, unless she asked for my help. She is an adult now so she can take care of her own business.

[soe11]

• Only can advice
• She not anymore underage.
• She make her distinction.
• Finally up to her.