How would a girl feel if she wanted to go out with a guy and he declined the invitation?

[edgarmh4h]

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Write to her*
(Stupid keyboard)

[KathrynTaylor]

She’d be disappointed, feel mildly awkward but glad he was honest. Then she’d move on.

[edgarmh4h]

and how would she feel or what would her feelings be if she asks the guy if he works the next day, and he says yes, he has to work so he won't be available but then she finds out that it was a lie and that he is having the day off?

[KathrynTaylor]

If it was me, I’d be mildly offended that you weren’t honest with me and letting me down nicely and I’d move on quickly and find someone else. At my age now. If I were younger than twenty five, I’d probably wonder what was wrong with me and cry.

[KathrynTaylor]

I wouldn’t worry about it. Just see it as a learning experience.

[edgarmh4h]

Why doesn't the girl in question ask me directly if I want to go out with her instead of asking me if I have to work the next day?

[KathrynTaylor]

Probably too afraid of rejection to put herself out there with directness.

[edgarmh4h]

Well, I was at a party, then she approached me and asked me if I was working the next day, I didn't know how to figure out or how to react and I said yes because that was what came to my mind, and I really didn't have to work, I immediately asked her why the question, she just said nothing with a somewhat discouraged tone... she was about 19 years old at the time.

[edgarmh4h]

and I think the next day she realized that I didn't work

[KathrynTaylor]

Why not tell her that?

[edgarmh4h]

Tell ver what?🤔

[KathrynTaylor]

The truth, that when you met her, you felt nervous and didn’t know how to handle the situation. Then ask her out.

[edgarmh4h]

I'm not entirely sure if she realized or not that I didn't work that day, if she did and being 19 years old, how do you think she felt?

[edgarmh4h]

and well, we already knew each other before the day of the party

[KathrynTaylor]

Probably awkward and embarrassed. What do you have to lose by asking her out?

[edgarmh4h]

What happens is that we are no longer in the place where we met, and I come in here asking why she just didn't talk to me that day instead of asking me if she had to work the next day, I'm not really clear if she liked me

[KathrynTaylor]

She liked you but like you, she didn’t know how to handle the situation and got nervous.

[edgarmh4h]

She is actually my crush, i don’t see her since 2020...😢😢😢

[KathrynTaylor]

Oh well. So there’s no way of meeting her?

[edgarmh4h]

I think she thinks I'm a player that's why I did, for being dishonest.

[edgarmh4h]

to me she was very attractive, and that generated a feeling of insecurity in me. That is why it was very difficult for me in my mind to know or have the notion of if she felt the same way that I felt for her, when she had asked me that the time we were at a party

[KathrynTaylor]

That’s normal. It’s when you reach my age that you start to wonder what’s wrong with the men. Use it as a learning experience. We all started off the same.

[edgarmh4h]

Do you think she liked me?

[KathrynTaylor]

Yes I do.

[edgarmh4h]

Fuck, she has been my crush for 3yrs... I am not a damn player, but i don’t know how to show it to her... damn, if she knew that at that moment I was extremely insecure 😩😩😩

[KathrynTaylor]

Just chalk it up to experience.

[edgarmh4h]

The truth is, if I would be willing to visit her, do you think I can prove to her my real reasons why we were not given a possible appointment?

[KathrynTaylor]

Probably. Do you know where she lives?

[KathrynTaylor]

Might be better to find her on Facebook though

[edgarmh4h]

The city? Yes... but i don’t know where exactly she lives 😅

[edgarmh4h]

How do you think the message that I would send her expressing what happened that time, my thoughts and what led me to say no to the request should be worded?

[KathrynTaylor]

Keep it short and sweet? Maybe write her a Facebook message saying you met her a few years ago but were too shy to make a move. Would she like to be web pals on Facebook?

[edgarmh4h]

Well, after that day I spoke to her on several occasions, only I didn't realize that she liked me. During the time that I saw her I never hinted at her, the idea that she liked me did not cross my mind. It wasn't until I was talking to a friend and I told him that some time ago I met this very attractive girl and that at a party she said that dialogue to me. It was only then that I reacted and knew that it was a hint.

[edgarmh4h]

I think that all the time there were mutual feelings, and that we both liked each other but we did not know that this interest was reciprocal due to different factors that could have been, insecurity, shyness, lack of communication

[KathrynTaylor]

Exactly

[edgarmh4h]

The point is that she might not believe me and think I'm lying to her and maybe she'll think I'm pretending I never knew she wanted to go out with me.

[KathrynTaylor]

She won’t.

[edgarmh4h]

So if you think she's not going to believe me, why are you telling me to write to her on Facebook?

[KathrynTaylor]

Because it’s awkward to track her to her house.

[edgarmh4h]

my plan was always to explain the situation to her on Facebook or Instagram... I don't even know where she lives

[KathrynTaylor]

Good plan then. Go for it. What have you to lose?

[edgarmh4h]

Last time I wrote to her, She told me that during the time we met we spoke very little, in other words, as if insinuating that there was nothing between us. I don't know if it was because I rushed when I wrote to her on Instagram and maybe she thought I was playing with her

[edgarmh4h]

However, within the messages I never told her about the fact that I did not know that she liked me

[KathrynTaylor]

Well, I think you should keep it short and sweet and tell her this.

[KathrynTaylor]

It sounds similar to something I said to a man my age that I used to be interested in. We’re in our thirties.

[edgarmh4h]

What do you suggest I write to him exactly, so as not to waste this last attempt?

[KathrynTaylor]

Just something like ‘Hey it’s Justin. We met in 2020. I was too shy to ask you out when you encouraged me. Would you like to go out now? ‘

[edgarmh4h]

Well, it was partly because of shyness and insecurity, but also because I didn't take the hint. So how would the message look better?

[edgarmh4h]

not knowing what he meant by asking me if I was working the next day

[edgarmh4h]

What she meant*

[KathrynTaylor]

I’d leave out the part about not taking the hint. Not that there’s anything wrong with it.

[edgarmh4h]

I understand your point, but when I said that I had work the next day, I lied to her... she and I worked for the same company, at a ski resort. and when we had days off, the employees used to go to the resort to ski, and most likely she saw me

[edgarmh4h]

In short, what I mean is that if she hadn't realized I lied to her and thought I was doing "work" she would have taken it in stride. but since she quite possibly checked that I was enjoying my day off, she surely felt disappointed.

[edgarmh4h]

so what do you think now?

[KathrynTaylor]

I still think, why not give it a shot?

[edgarmh4h]

so you think she will understand?

[KathrynTaylor]

I don’t know, but it’s obviously bothering you, so why not try?

[edgarmh4h]

I don't want you to think that I intentionally rejected her.

[KathrynTaylor]

I don’t think that. I think you were both young.

[edgarmh4h]

again my keyboard writes wrong... I meant: I don't want her to think that I rejected her

[edgarmh4h]

I don't want her to think that I rejected her

[KathrynTaylor]

Just go ahead and ask her out. Then you’ll get your answer.

[edgarmh4h]

I would write something like: Hello, it's Edgar... happy holidays, I wanted to tell you that recently I was intrigued to find out what you meant when you asked me if I had to work the next day, while I was thinking about Lately I had the theory that perhaps you wanted us to go out together or to get to know each other a little better, it would have been a pleasure for me to agree to that request, I'm not really lying to you, that's what I think. but at that moment when you asked me the question, shyness won over me and I didn't know how to react, and even though it wasn't my intention, I think I lied to you. If that was the case, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, I think I was a child. I didn't know what I had done, it was until I matured and healed certain wounds that I realized what happened that day in Leavenworth.

Sounds good, yes?

[KathrynTaylor]

Sure 😊👍

[edgarmh4h]

Thank you so much, i'll go ahead 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Wish me luck, pls

[KathrynTaylor]

All the best 😊👍

[Anemone978]

Hurt, but I suppose move on.