Girlfriend keeps bringing up her ex. What should I do?

Question

Okay, so I’m going to keep this short and to the point. I’ve been dating this girl for about 4 months now and she keeps on bringing up her ex. She brings up bad stories about him and says she’s glad that’s done, but then she brings up memories of them together and laughs. This hurts me because I know that if I were to bring up stories of women from my past she wouldn’t like it. It also hurts me because I know he wants her back and that he’s had sex with her in the past while I haven’t (I’m a virgin). The cherry on top is that I know that he treated her not very good and I’m doing my very best to treat her right and I’m getting done like this :(. I’d go to the moon and back for her but she keeps bringing him up.

Also keep in mind, I started dating her when she was coming off of a breakup with the guy. Thank you for taking the time to read this and have a blessed day.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Alright. From everything I read about  she doesn’t respect you as a real man . Sorry man but I’ve seen this bullshit before and it’s true.  Also is really your girlfriend? Does she call you her boyfriend in front her friends, social media, acquaintences? I really hope you aren’t in some sorta bullshit wishy washy friéndzone situation  Do you have a specific reason to keep your V card after dating her for 4 months? If it’s because you want to lose to someone you marry I respect that. But from what I’ve read above she’s not that person. Not at all. However if she’s cock blocking you it’s time to get the hell out of this. Do it very soon.  Having self respect ALWAYS trumps any romantic attention you think you have from a woman. Always.  I would tell she isn’t what you are looking for and you want to move on. Also specifically tell her that you  can be friendly you have zero interested in being friends.  You already have one foot in the friéndzone.  It’s only a matter of time when she hops in the sack with someone else and confidentially thinks she shove you all the way in with friéndzone bs.  I swear there is a special place in hell for women who do this shit to otherwise good guys .

OfMiceandMen · Accepted Answer

That is why people say don't be someone's rebound. She is clearly not over him and she still needs to work things out on her own terms.

If I were you, I would discuss putting the relationship on hold, until she comes to grips, the other person is gone.

I would also put a time limit on it. If she comes back around later on, then it was meant to be, if not, then you know where you stand and can move on with your life.

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

It's unfortunate that you began with her on the rebound, as you say..

Maybe this relationship has run its course, and you knew this woman wasn't over this guy, but have found in the ensuing months, is STILL NOT OVER HIM.

I'd suggest you exit this painful situation and look for someone whose heart is open to YOU. This woman hasn't done her grief work and it seems she hasn't even done her "I'm finished with him" work.

If she knows he wants her back, and keeps recounting the good times with him TO you, why are you hanging around? Have you not told this woman how hurt you feel when she constantly brings up this guy?

I'd advise you to start. It's one thing to recount something unusually nice about a former partner, like, say, going to Paris or diving with them, on occasion, but not all the time. You're allowing her to use and abuse you.

Only YOU can stop this. I'd say do it quickly.

Calypsin21 · Accepted Answer

BLUF: She's not over yet.

Anyone who consistently brings up their ex still harbors some kind of feelings for him. If she's talking him up this much, image how much Shea actually THINKING about him.

You have two options at this point:

1) Honesty and Requests. Tell her how you feel and how much it's hurting you. Request that she doesn't bring him up anymore. If she starts making excuses for it, huge red flag.

2) Leave. She's obviously not over her ex, so what are the possibilities she'd leave you to get back with him. I recommend you cut your losses with her and try to find a new girlfriend. It's NOT selfish to think of yourself. I can tell you want to make her happy, but is she making YOU happy?

coachTanthony · Answer

Perfect example.

Guy13 · Answer

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Sour-rose · Answer

Well good thing you kept this short, otherwise I would have my snap opinion on ready. But honestly, I wouldn't say break up with her. Just... see what the hell. Why is she bringing up this mofo? Of course don't ask her that like that but just see the source of why she brings him up. Gently. Like as in "Yo, so why is this guy on your mind?" "Well because (reason)" "Okay... what else?" And keep going on until she got nothing else or now she's getting annoyed o:> but eventually, it might open up something in front of you that you both never realized.

Hassan_8 · Answer

If you like her you can do one final try and start ignoring her little

sometimes we don't realise what we have until we start losing it, if she likes you she'd have to try and get your attention back.. but if she didn't then forget about her.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

I highly suggest you look up here on the internets dot com what "alpha widowed" is, because that sounds like your chick. I feel for you bro... but honestly, I don't think there is anything that you can do. Once you read the definition of alpha widowed I think you'll understand, but I can't really describe it here in one place.

Orion76 · Answer

Tell her it bothers you, it will bother anyone some people can evaluate their conversation and think yea I really been saying this or that too much and some don’t think about it It’s your job to find a nice way to help them, and it could mean absolutely nothing to her just making a conversation or at least she thinks she does.

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

Run. She's playing you like a fiddle. Gotta respect yourself first BEFORE you go seeking love and affection and loyalty from a woman. You know you're seeing red flags all around, so the only reason to stick around with her is either A) you refuse to respect yourself, or B) you're actually willing to lie to yourself about her level of investment in your "relationship" (which is tantamount to disrespecting yourself by not being honest with yourself, so really it all amounts to the same thing).

Anonymous · Answer

'I’d go to the moon and back for her '

And what exactly has she done to deserve such a sentiment other than looking attractive? She has demonstrated that she's into toxic men and she is still talking about the last one that treated her badly. You should send her to the moon and then come back down to earth... get on your life purpose and stop wasting time on this.

While you're pining for this girl that isn't interested, you could have been becoming financially free and building yourself up in every way possible.

Jhunitor · Answer

"This hurts me because I know that if I were to bring up stories of women from my past she wouldn’t like it."

I would personally never accept hypocrisy and double standards in my relationship.

Also she sounds obsessed with her ex and might me the type of girl to go back to him if he invite her too.

Staximus · Answer

She's already had sex, what the hell are you waiting for? An invitation from Santa Claus to fuck her at the North Pole? Stop being a scared little bitch boy and be a man. Women want a man, not a little boy in a man's body. Time to grow up and start acting like a man. It's been 4 months, if you don't start fucking her, somebody else will.

Paul09 · Answer

Ask her what does she want in a relationship from you. Tell her bringing up her ex so much is hurtful. Communication! Tell her you are, here for her, if she keeps bringing up her ex you might not see a future together. If you can't communicate, what is the point I any relationship?

Minahh · Answer

Tell her that it hurts you and would like her to not mention him. I feel like your partner should know about your past relationships, so they can love you properly and understand your story, however the past is in the past and it shouldn't influence your new relationship. If she's not done processing the breakup, advise her to go to therapy.

dustybiker · Answer

Sounds like you need to sit down with her and have an open, nonjudgmental conversation. Not only share but listen too. Don’t be afraid to talk to people you are in a relationship with. Just keep it civil.

Billboshaggens · Answer

I hate to break it to you but you're in the friend zone. There is no point in not being honest with her about your feelings. Tell her how she makes you feel, all of it. And if she doesn't reciprocate, break up with her. Because you're never going to be able to change how you feel about her in the friend zone. But there is a slight chance that if you open up to her she will reciprocate. Don't listen to these fucking dip-shits calling you a beta male or whatever. You get to choose what type of person you are, everyday with your choices and actions. The biggest measuring stick for a man is how he treats other people. And you owe her the truth. So give it to her.

Ligerzzero · Answer

Big red flag right there.

Definitely means she is not over her ex, and she is still thinking about him a lot, so there is good chance she might run back to him.

If you got together right after or during breakup that’s never a good thing.

You would not be the first or last guy for this to happen to.

JSmuve · Answer

She isn't over him. She probably still pines for him secretly and is using you as a temporary distraction. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she were to get back with him. You need to find out where you stand with her.

animeemo · Answer

give her time, it might be hard but deal with it and if it continues you should probably have a talk with her, you can't be together if you can't share whats hurting you.

mysfit · Answer

I think you’re a rebound. But if you can take it being one, go ahead. But if not, the door is always open.

Flower7 · Answer

Sounds by like she’s not over him. It was also bad that your relationship started so soon after her last one.

melanieeeB · Answer

She is probably not over him yet. I would confront her and maybe take some distance from dating, until she is over him and ready for you or well not

Girlfriend keeps bringing up her ex. What should I do?

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