He’s controlling what I post on my social media is it bad what I posted?

[Anonymous]

Is it bad that for my birthday I posted all my memories and there’s was a video of me showing just one leg going in to a the pool. There’s girls who post themselves in bikinis and I just showed one leg. Is that disgusting? We’re just friends and he wants to date me. (I’m single)

Updates

+1 y

It’s only been 3 months and I like him but I need to know him better before I get into a relationship

[SteveSmith1985]

Do not date this man. RED FLAG in the extreme here. This would be an inapropriate reaction from a boyfriend. It's controlling and shows that he has no idea what proper boundaries are when it comes to what he has a right to expect of his girlfriend. This is controlling. The worst part is what it tells you about the way the guy thinks. This could be a guy who turns out to be abusive. By no means is it a sign that "this is an abusive guy." But it's very-much in-line with one. It certainly means that he is a controlling guy with unhealthy expectations for 'modesty' from the women he's involved with.

Oh wait...

He's not even your boyfriend. That makes it all even more over-the-top inappropriate. Who the fuck is he to think he has any right to be mad at you? What claim does he have on you? None.

A boyfriend doing this (which, again, is very much a red flag still and not ok) is at least based on some foundation. The foundation that "you're MY girlfriend". This is just a guy who you've made zero commitments to, and have zero obligation to. The fact that he thinks it's appropriate for him to say a damn thing about this to you... is over-the-top. It's wildly inapropriate.

DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH THIS GUY.

This is a guy who will be controlling in an unhealthy way. At best.

But this comment is in-line with someone who will be a monster of an abusive boyfriend too. (not saying at all that he necessarily is. But this is also something guys of the very worst sort would say.)

I don't care how nice and sweet and kind and shit this guy seems to be. I don't care if you've been friends with him for 10 years and know him really well. This (seemingly small) thing... tells you A LOT about him. It reveals he's got a really ugly side. This is over-the top. It's not ok or normal.

So, it's not bad that you posted a video showing your bare leg in your memories birthday thing. That's about the most normal, regular, mundane common thing I can imagine.

This is something that... tons of girls do all the time, and everyone is perfectly fine with it. Nobody thinks twice about it. Even their boyfriends. Because it's perfectly normal and acceptable. Why would anyone have a problem with this. It's not sexual. You're fucking going swimming. So you're in a bathing suit. What does he expect you to never go swimming again? (can you not see how over-the-top inappropriate his reaction is here!)

The real problem with a guy like this, is illustrated in minor-form in what you wrote here.

This is clearly not a bad thing to do. It's an innocent thing to do. That everybody does.


A guy like this will twist your thinking. In ways you can't imagine.

He will twist your thinking where you're already to the point of asking "is it bad" and "is that disgusting." He's already fucking with your own perception of "what's ok."

Most of you knows he's wrong. I realize that. An am glad. But the fact that any part of you didn't see that this was some over-the-top ridiculous bullshit... and wonder if maybe what you did WAS 'disgusting'... that's the harm a guy like that can do.

That's a lot of why women will stay in horribly abusive relationships. Thinking gets twisted. Any sense of what's "right" "acceptable" "fair" etc gets completely warped. It's thinking in a way that woman never would have thought before. Like night-and-day.

Do you think you would have felt this way about it, if this was 6 months ago, and one of your female friends came to you because she had the problem you're having with this guy?

She asks if what she did in posting her leg was disgusting.

You'd be like: "What the fuck are you talking about. That's clearly not disgusting. It's disgusting that he would get upset about that".

I don't have to know you to know that's true. You USED to know, for damn sure, that this wasn't "bad" or "disgusting". He's got you wondering if maybe that's not 100% true...

No... it's still true. This guy is fucked. DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH THIS GUY.

It will be bad for you. Possibly really really bad.

In no universe is it a good idea to get involved with this guy JUST BASED ON THIS ALONE.

This is clear. This is clear enough to let you know a guy is no good. It might seem small to you (this whole incident). But it's not. This means a lot. This means stay away from this guy. So. Red-flag. Big-ass red-flag. Don't do it. 🙂

[Guy13]

Yeah, that is over the top and an example of a hypercritical personality. He has a definite need for control and limiting what one may and may not do as well as blaming them for all things done wrong... for wrong intentions is frightening.

These sort of behaviors do not improve and you are likely seeing the tip of the iceberg. This supersedes immaturity and no confidence and is someone, whether male or female heterosexual relationship, that should be avoided.

[Cynicaldreamer]

Why is he controlling you if you're still single and he's just your friend? It sounds like he's being possessive of you without even being committed to you!

Which by the way, even if you were dating him? That's a red flag regardless if he behaves that way. It shows how insecure he is, which might seem like he's just being "jealous of other guys," but that can become annoying and controlling if you do decide to date him.

Tell him point blank if it bothers you posting pictures like that, why isn't he dating you? Sorry, but unless he's your boyfriend, he really has no say so in your behavior. He can give advice, but that's pretty much it. Don't let your feelings for him control how he treats you; use some common sense.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t date him if he’s doing that. You’ll end up in an abusive relationship.

[WaterIsland]

Nope. He sounds like a bit of a control freak. You are single. He has absolutely no right to say anything about what you can or can’t post.

[CountryWanderer]

Absolutely nothing wrong with what you posted. He's out of line.

[Habshater22]

Tell him it’s your life not his and leave him before it’s to late

[driven159]

Stay single don't waste your time with him!

[jjj101010]

How does he control it if u r single

[Asker]

I like him but it’s only been 3 months and I’m waiting to know him better.

[jjj101010]

So u r dating

[jjj101010]

Tell him to stop being weird or ditch him

[Anonymous]

he's overreacting