Why should the man pay for the date if the woman works too?

[marish01]

[ElGato31]

Just out of curiosity, have you ever paid for a date?

My experience is that men will say yes to a relatively attractive woman, they will fuck her too and still not feel much just take advantage of the situation. (I'm generalizing of course!) If he plans a date and pays for it, that shows a bit more interest/investment from his side (still could be using the willing participant and expecting sex for the dinner)

What I do is that I let him pay for the first thing, maybe a coffee and cake, or museum entry fee, whatever, I thank him and I say that I'm buying the next thing. He buys the tickets, I buy the food.

[Bethany22]

Because neither party feels attractive in the situation where the woman pays. The man doesn't get to feel like a hero who rescues the woman from starving that night, and the woman doesn't get to feel protected and cherished.

[marish01]

That man is a real hero. He saved the woman from dying. If it wasn't him the poor woman would die.

[Juxtapose]

If a woman is so hard up that she can't even afford food, she might want to do something other than date.

[Juxtapose]

You know, like apply for food stamps?

[OlderAndWiser]

I is just an example of tradtional separation of gender roles. Men initate romantic pursuits, pay for dates, open doors for women, propose, carry out the trash cans, change the oil in the car, fix the leaking faucet, etc. Women take great efforts to make themselves attractive, patiently await the lead of their partner, cook the meals, doing the other nurturing things, bear children, decorate the home, etc.

None of it has any connection with gross annual income.

[marish01]

What about women who don't cook, don't want to have kids yet expect the man to pay for dates?

[OlderAndWiser]

Men can decide whether to accept them on those terms. Most of us expect our partners to make contributions to the relationships. The nature of those contributions may be negotiable with some but not all partners, based on your abilities and circumstances.

[marish01]

What would be the reaaon to pay for such women?

[OlderAndWiser]

She may be attractive, engaging, affectionate, an enjoyable companion, and/or a great partner in bed.

[marish01]

But is unable to pay for her meal

[OlderAndWiser]

Not necessarily unable.

[marish01]

Not willing lol

[OlderAndWiser]

Precisely.

[marish01]

Irrational

[OlderAndWiser]

Affairs of the heart (and lust) are emotional, not logical.

[marish01]

She wants free dinner. Why to pay for her own meal if the sucker is willing to pay?

[OlderAndWiser]

If she gives him sex in exchange for a free meal, he may be getting the bargain he wants, as well.

[marish01]

So she offers sex only because he paid?
That's prostitution. He bought sex. Lol.

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, the only difference is - I believe - that prostitutes are more honest about negotating the price and services up front.

[marish01]

Lol true.
Few women truly desire men others want men's money

[Marked_Man]

It's just hypocrisy that apparently most men have settled for. Even though it's unfair, men like providing and women like guys that provide. What pisses me off is when guys have expectations of traditional in other areas like having children, women cooking and being non-promiscuous, they're calling misogynistic and insecure. It's typical feminist double standards.

[marish01]

A woman can provide if she works.
And yes they love tradition when it benefits them

[Avicenna]

When I date professional women, they almost always expect to pay half, for themselves, or for everything half of the time. When it's a college student, it's understood that I'll pay.

[Guy13]

She can pay for some day trip that she puts together and surprise/forces him to go too. Now that's a cool way to even out the balance sheet if that's your hope.

[gurliegurl9]

Because it’s a tradition and socially expected by women, it’s as old as dirt, men provide. It also shows masculine energy, and women are attracted to masculine energy. If you don’t treat on the date most likely the woman will not want to see you again, and it will be very hard to find a girlfriend. I known a man who won’t treat on dates and he’s been single for years. Most men will treat on dates, so if you don’t, there is a lot of competition and the odds are not in your favor. If you don’t wanna spend a lot of money on the first date or serval dates whatever your comfortable with, which is understandable, you just tell her you wanna meet up for drinks or coffee. If she has a problem with this then her intentions are in the wrong place, and you shouldn’t talk to her again.

[marish01]

It shows the woman's weak energy

[marish01]

"Because it’s a tradition.."
Lol tradition says a woman should a virgin till marriage. Are you one? I doubt it. Lol

[Peter0076]

It's amaeing as girls take the advantages of traditions...​but only advantages...

[Anonymous]

It's because "equality" is cherry picked. A guy on this site posted about some extremely sexist job opportunities.

Why are these jobs held by 90% men?

*Spray washing porta potties

*Picking up roadkill on the highways

*Collecting whale snot in the ocean

It just isn't fair!

[convo_king89]

I’ve often thought that rule of the guy pays everytime is bullshit… that opens up things for the girl just prending to go on a date for free food..

[marish01]

So cheap. Yet they preach "independent, strong women" lol

[Berethor]

Example of rights without duties, I think that everyone should be paying for himself in a date.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

I don't mind paying if I have enough money. As to why men typically pay, I don't know but it's actually no big deal unless you are struggling financially.

Dates don't have to be expensive anyways.

[TallAnon]

Entitlement.
Because they like money and not spending it.

[marish01]

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

I roll my eyes everytime this question is asked. It's ALWAYS appreciated when she offers to pay. And about half the women I've dated have. But I always intend on paying. Of the myriad of things I'm focused on when on a date, who's paying is last on that list.

[Juxtapose]

Most women I go out with make a lot more than me so it's kind of stupid if they expect me to pay and I let them know that.

[Anonymous]

He shouldn't. One day the bill on all first dates will be split. The ONLY reason that isn't the norm today is female privilege and hypocrisy about traditional gender roles.

[LimitedBenefits101]

They want free food and a lot of dumb men fall for it.

[loveslongnails]

Why? Usually because the man is the one who ASKED the woman to go out. If he can't afford to pay, don't ask.

[marish01]

But she doesn't agree just to please him. She does it for herself.
If he pays for her acceptance of the date it means she sold her attention.
He got her acceptance and she got her free meal.
That is how prostitution works. The man wants sex the woman wants money. She agrees to have sex not for the intimacy but for the money.

[loveslongnails]

That assessment is idiotic beyond belief!! You've managed to both misogynist and misandrist in one small paragraph. Holy shit.

Let's say the date is for coffee, and let's throw in a pastry. The man asks out the woman because he wants to get to know her, and she accepts because she wants to know him. Do you actually believe women accept dates thinking " Hmm, I get free coffee and a pastry, so I'll go even though I'm not attracted to the guy?" Hint: they do not. It's a freaking cup of coffee.

So you're comparing accepting coffee and a snack to being a WHORE? You're maintaining that a man believes " well, she accepted the coffee, so I should expect to get sex" ? Like I said, you've demeaned both men AND women in a few brief sentences and set both back 500 years.

[marish01]

I compared the exchange idea.
didn't say it makes her a whore

[marish01]

She wouldn't accept if it wasn't free, right?

[loveslongnails]

This is what you said " He got her acceptance and she got her free meal.
That is how prostitution works. The man wants sex the woman wants money."

" She wouldn't accept if it wasn't free, right?" - How would I know? IT'S COFFEE, lady !! $2 for regular or $4 for a cappuccino. I don't know about the women in YOUR country, but in my country, if a guy asks you out for coffee, the response isn't " do I have to pay for my own or is it free, because I'll only go if it's free!!" *smh*

[marish01]

I compared the exchange mindset.
In my country the guy pays ALWAYS. We're very traditional.
But I think everyone should pay for whatever they order.

[loveslongnails]

" But I think everyone should pay for whatever they order." You're entitled to your opinion. From my point of view, if I ask a girl out on a date, especially for something as inexpensive as coffee, as she insisted on paying, I would be insulted. Let the man BE the man, Marish, and that way you won't complain when men don't know what to do with mixed signals.

[marish01]

I agree that in case of coffee it is fine for the man to pay.
I think who should pay should be discussed before going to a date.

[loveslongnails]

"Discussed"? About this much... she offers, I say no, I appreciate the offer, but no. End of discussion. I've explained why the woman who pays for her half of a meal and "thinks" this relieves some sort of sexual expectation from the guy is deluding herself. If you're with "that kind of guy", it does nothing. Let the men be men, Marish.

[marish01]

It defines a true man?
Then what defines a true womsn is getting married and having kids.

[loveslongnails]

I didn't say it "defines a true man", did I? I said "let the men be men". Try and think of it like this:
A man invites you over for dinner saying "I want to prepare my favorite meal for you -- do you like "x"? You say " I love X".

Then you say " May I help you prepare it?" He says "No, I appreciate that but I got it"
Then you say " May I bring wine? " He says " thank you, but I have it paired with specific wines"
Then you say " May I bring dessert". He says " thank you again, but I've a specific dessert to go with the meal"
Then you say " Well I have to bring something so I don't feel like I'm freeloading"
He says; " Bring yourself, that's all I want and need"

The more you keep going, the more you're turning him off and making it ALL about how YOU think this invitation requires some sort of "equity". It doesn't. Accept the invite if you like, ask what time, at most say "Is there anything I can bring", and when he says "just yourself", smile and be quiet.
THAT'S how you let him be the man in that situation. Understand?

[marish01]

So I do ask him if I could do something not just sit there and expect him to do everything.
"Let the men be the men" includes paying for everything?

[loveslongnails]

Duh. Yes, that's what you do if HE asked you out on the date!!! Geez.

[marish01]

And women should cook, clean and give birth.
Let the women be the women.

[loveslongnails]

In your opinion, that's what women "should do", and they "should do" because... they have a uterus and they "can"? Hmmm. News flash - every woman on Earth does NOT wish to give birth or be a mother! Amazing, isn't it? Late breaking news also: Not EVERY woman on Earth wants to get married - to anyone !! Shocking, isn't it?

[marish01]

Not every man wants to pay for the date. Not every man wants to lose money after divorce.

[loveslongnails]

If a man doesn't want to pay for a date that HE asks a woman to go on, he has NO BUSINESS asking her!! LOL I can just hear it now: " I'd like to take you out on a date, but I don't want to pay for all of it. If you'd like to go with me, you have to pay half, ok?" Yeah, that's soooo manly, not to mention it has just the right amount of "romance" in it too! Geez. No real man would ever DO that.

[marish01]

"I'd likd to go on a date with you, but you should pay for my meal too. If you'd like to go with me, you have to pay for me, ok? Yeah, that's so empowering and independant of a woman, not to mention it hsd just the right amount of "romance and interest in the man' in it too! Geez. No real woman would decline the date because it's not free.

[loveslongnails]

What... the... fuck... are you talking about? Another twisted strawman to obscure the point. Give it up, Marish. You are way off base on this one, even by your own sloppy standards.

[marish01]

As if you don't understand.
I gave a perfect comeback. That is why you had nothing to say.

[loveslongnails]

Again, what are you talking about? LOL. No woman of worth would say this to a man she wanted to date: " "I'd like to go on a date with you, but you should pay for my meal too. If you'd like to go with me, you have to pay for me, ok". This a perfect "comeback"? Comeback to what?

My statement was sarcasm, demonstrating how idiotic it would sound IF a man ascribed to your dating logic when it comes to a meal !! If a woman said "your perfect comeback" to a man, as a proposal, it would sound equally idiotic. Next topic.

[marish01]

You lack common sense.
I mocked your statement
I mentioned how equally idiotic it would be if a woman said that.
I never said a woman should say that. Don't you know I opposed such thinking of women. Hence why I mocked it.

[loveslongnails]

Sorry darlin', but you really didn't mock my statement. You mocked the very idea you seem to be promoting while you still argue that a man should have an "expectation" that the women HE asked out on a date, should pay?

[marish01]

I brought back the same style of talking. Both sound idiotic.

[loveslongnails]

You mocked your own position. Period.

[marish01]

What did I mock? Read my response amd understand

[loveslongnails]

I'm done with this thread. YOU don't have the common sense to recognize your OWN position on this per my point, so I'm done with this discussion. Next topic.

[marish01]

I showed you that the exact way of expecing anyone to pay is idiotic

[loveslongnails]

It is, yet your point was "it SHOULD be discussed" !!! I said "No, it shouldn't when the man asks". That's it. No more.

[marish01]

I'd like to take you out on a date, but I don't want to pay for all of it. If you'd like to go with me, you have to pay half, ok?" Yeah, that's soooo manly, not to mention it has just the right amount of "romance" in it too! Geez. No real man would ever DO that.

The way you worded makes it idiotic
"I'd likd to go on a date with you, but you should pay for my meal too. If you'd like to go with me, you have to pay for me, ok? Yeah, that's so empowering and independant of a woman, not to mention it has just the right amount of "romance and interest in the man' in it too! Geez. No real woman would decline the date because it's not free.
This sounds idiotic too
Not less idiotic that what you mocked.

So what was my position that you thought I mocked

[loveslongnails]

Apparently, you don't know "I'm done with this discussion" actually means.

[marish01]

Cause you realized both are idiotic if worded in the same way

[Nikki1989]

Whoever does the asking out should be the one to pay.

[marish01]

But in that case the one who accepts the asking out does it in the condition of free meal. Pretty immature.

[MrNameless]

90% of the time, straight/bi women are the ones that wait for men to make the plans.

[Gibbons44]

Well, should not, in fact. It is a gesture - if she lets him pay she should at a minimum give him.

[marish01]

Give him sex?

[Gibbons44]

Yeah. Without him having to be pushy but by offering/being suggestive.
Girls know how to do that stuff.

[rabbitzzz]

Initially I don't mind paying, I am a generous guy and don't mind paying for date, or for other male buddies when I am hanging out with them.

[OddBeMe]

That is an ongoing feud. Not worth destroying a potential relationship over. You can offer and his chivalry will probably win out. Just offer once and then thank him with sex. Jk.

[NostalgiaSenpi]

Traditional. Hell, even women that work still expect it.

[marish01]

Which is stupid

[NostalgiaSenpi]

To each their own.

[LiamJHayden]

The asker should pay, or at least offer to pay.

[marish01]

Is it charity?

[clampfan101]

It’s probably seen as traditional. I find various different payment agreements to be fair, which can be or include the woman paying.