He made a joke about me being "illegal immigrant"?

[Anonymous]

I talked on the phone over 2 hours with a Tinder match. We laughed a lot I thought it was going god.

Then he made a joke about me "being illegal immigrant" I told him I'm not, he kept joking and said he was joking. It was off putting. I was about to hung up. He said "are you really leaving"

I hung up on him. He called again but I didn't answered. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

He's probably a bit racist, even if he doesn't realize. With nothing else, I'd assume he'd probably end up making assumptions about you or expect you to be a certain way based on your race. Everyone has some bias, and maybe that's the furthest extent of his.

I will say I used to make racist jokes with my black friends because I saw that a lot from where I was from. Mainly just the watermelon and grape drink ones. I always thought they were funny, because I loved both of those, so they never made sense to me.

But I've never said anything about anyone being illegal, slaves, or anything like that, and I stopped saying the other ones as well when I realized people actually got offended by them.

Anyway, I'd say if he's someone you just started talking to and he said that, I don't see a reason to test the waters further. But if it's someone you actually like and he's shown no other signs of being racist, it's up to you if you want to continue testing the waters. But from your post alone, I probably wouldn't go further.

[Asker]

What do you mean by test the waters? I've never tested waters. He might tested mine though.

[Opinion Owner]

By test the waters, I mean to see if he exhibits any other racist behaviors. Saying it to someone he just met is kind of telling, but it could be that he doesn't realize it's offensive, or on the other end of the spectrum, that he might actually treat you different because of your race.

The most white people get are jokes about how we can't jump, or people calling us crackers or marshmallows, which usually seems more endearing than not if it's someone you are close to.

I don't see how calling someone an illegal immigrant is funny, so I'd lean towards the latter on that one, especially if you aren't even close yet. But he could genuinely not realize it's offensive to you.

So test the waters if you want to, but there's plenty of others out there if you'd rather not. Ultimately it's up to how you feel about it.

[Asker]

I'm Eastern European. He basically made a joke me being illegal immigrant, I'm trying to get pregnant and get citizenship.

[JamesDiaz11]

If you're sensitive to this type of humor (and I don't believe it was meant as an insult) then this guy probably isn't for you.

[Asker]

Humor? How come a man can make a "joke" with being illegal immigrant and he can expect her to have sexual or romantic relationship with him. It is a total turn off

[JamesDiaz11]

As I said, it was a bad joke- humor isn't universal, and if he thought it would sink him he probably wouldn't have said it. I've dated black girls who joked about me being a colonizer, and I called them spear chuckers. It was all in good fun, as strange as that sounds. Clearly you're not about it- that's perfectly fine.

[Asker]

I'm Eastern European. Not Black. But doesn't matter. You got the idea

[strlb]

Shit just got real. Maybe he understands now that it's not funny. Perhaps give him 1 more shot if he continues then you're better off moving on

[Asker]

Shit just got real?

[strlb]

Yes, with him being a dick

[Asker]

He called back after I hung up on him. But I didn't answer.. He didn't even meet me in person, it was only phone call. I cannot imagine what he could've done if I meet him in person.

[strlb]

Who knows he could just be a sarcastic prick with no ill will. Are you going to talk with him if he calls you?

[Asker]

What does no ill will mean? I just messaged him and said hope he can be respectful towards other women and good luck in his search

[strlb]

This meaning he 'didn't' mean it to insult you, just wasn't thinking with his brain

[Asker]

Well I said "Hope you can be respectful towards other women. Good luck in your search"

He can start using his brain then

[strlb]

💯 agree. Not your problem. Good luck to you. DM always open

[NostalgiaSenpi]

Find someone else. Clearly this upsets you so much that you hung up and won't hear him out.

[BeMuse]

Sounds like you're an illegal immigrant.

[Asker]

I am not. I could be though. That nothing could've changed about his disrespect towards someone who he just met

[BeMuse]

So what you're saying is that you hate illegal immigrants and look down on them. You see it as insulting to be compared to one.

[Asker]

I don't hate illegal immigrants. I hate racism, prejudice and sugar-coated insults. He was the one looking down, not me.

[BeMuse]

Oh yeah? What race are illegal immigrants exactly?

[BeMuse]

What's wrong, cat got your tongue?

[Asker]

I'm Eastern European. He made a joke I'm illegal immigrant, I came witt tourist visa, I'm trying to get pregnant make a baby to get citizenship.

None of them are true.

[BeMuse]

So your argument is that all illegal immigrants are White, therefore since he called your an illegal immigrant he is a racist?

[BeMuse]

Are these people White?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2EBQz6S_ao

[Asker]

I didn't came through visa, I'm not illegal and I've never tried to get pregnant to access money or citizenship. I've been in U. S. for 6 years. If I'd want to get pregnant, I would,

I just told him I'm looking for long term boyfriend, not hookup. However he kept joking I'm illegal etc. So I hung up on him.

[BeMuse]

So he's not a racist?

[Asker]

Well apparently you're dumb though. I didn't say he is racist in original question. I did say, it was off-putting he made assumption about me being illegal, which is completely disrespectful.

[BeMuse]

Nice projection fly. You got caught in a web of your own lies and projection and now you're mad. So pathetic.

[Asker]

Honey, I don't lie. You're pathetic

[BeMuse]

The guy was lightly teasing you. Due to your own insecurities you over reacted and projected all your psycho shit onto him.

[BeMuse]

We all know you're a racist and hate illegal immigrants and that you go around calling people racist to try to manipulate people. You're a fucking loser.

[Asker]

A stranger I matched online called me "illegal" on the phone call. There is no even 1st date. Who knows what he could've done or said to me if I meet him

[Asker]

If you want to have romantic or even sexual relationships with a woman, you supposed to say she's pretty and buying flowers etc. Not calling her "illegal immigrant"

[BeMuse]

Goof luck getting your flowers on your first date... Are you a time traveler or something?

[Asker]

You're total loser. I meant "making the woman/man feel good" You cannot have relationship with anyone by calling them "illegal immigrant" on first phone call.

[BeMuse]

Someone mildly teased you and you went all communist on them assume they're a racist. Let me guess he was a White male. You commies are so dumb. You call people racists when immigrant isn't a race. You think it's a race because you are a racist that assumes everyone of a particular race has the trait of being an illegal immigrant and that they are inferior to your race. That's why you see a small joke as a serious insult.

[BeMuse]

*and assumed

[midnightcavern01]

Has awful humor. Ignore the guy

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you can't take a joke

[Asker]

You just met a woman online, you make a joke about her "being illegal" This is not a joke, clearly disrespect

[Opinion Owner]

It's a little crass, yeah. He's not the one for you

[Asker]

A little? How come he kept flirting with me and telling me I'm illegal immigrant and still expect me to meet him? Boy bye.

[Opinion Owner]

He can't take a hint apparently. He sounds like a moron

[Opinion Owner]

Tinder people are trash. Try Events and Adventures. I've heard good things about that one. I don't know where you live though

[LimitedBenefits101]

Why are you illegal immigrant tho? ...

[Asker]

I'm not. I got Greencard through my family. That's his assumption. That's why I got pissed

[LimitedBenefits101]

So what now? u done with him or you will give him another chance?

[Asker]

I'm asking YOUR opinion. That's the purpose of this question.

[LimitedBenefits101]

My opinion is very easy , I can take a joke🤷
Seems like you're not built for dark light /humour

[Asker]

It was only phone call. He called me illegal. Who knows what he could've done if I meet him in person.

[Dinosaursandanime65]

Brahm it’s not that complicated just build a wall

[Anonymous]

Tinder is assh0le central.

[Anonymous]

Best not to date him if that is how he views you.

[Asker]

He said it was a joke. But it's rude to say someone you've never met? So I hung up on him and never talked to him again