He called me a "Puta" should I be taking that lightly?

[Anonymous]

Okay, I was called this in this past. I was only 16 at the time and I was called by it from my guy friend who was a tad bit older than me and whom I had feelings for. Me being a naive girl didn't know what it meant, and was assuming he was saying something in his own language (Which by the way, Isn't Spanish). And, now later after 3 years I remembered him using that word out of nowhere and decided to look it up 😐

I was shocked to see what it translated to and from what language the word comes from. I remember him saying in the past that it was a cute nickname they used in his language (Not). Also clearly remember him asking me permission if he can call me that. Me being naive like I was said that Its his choice and decision to call me anything he wants.

by the way, he also convinced me one time also in the past, that "gay" means "happy", so basically he was convincing me that he was calling me happy, which I'm glad I didn't fall for 😒...

Anyway should I be taking this lightly after finding out what he was calling me in the past, or is this not okay to be calling someone? Like how bad is this word to use on someone?

[N192K001]

Okay. If it's not Spanish, what is it, and what does the term he used for you mean: something positive, negative, neutral, dependent on context, etc?

In Tagalog, we borrowed the Spanish puta, so that it still has a negative definition & connotation. If it's in another language, it may have a totally different meaning like Mandarin 那個 ("neige";「that one」 or used as a filler-word) with absolutely no relation to the English n-word despite the close pronunciation, to the point of a professor being dismissed for even mentioning the term in a lecture and offending a student.
https://www.newsweek.com/usc-professors-dismissal-over-chinese-word-that-sounds-like-racial-slur-questioned-alum-peers-1529887

If it really is negative even in language, you should take this seriously. After all, would you allow someone to call you a b—, a whore, a prostitute, or any other utterly demeaning term in a language you do understand? How should this be any different if it's in another language you don't, after learning the relevant meaning (s) and/or connotation (s)? There has to be some redeeming counter-information concerning the word, its usage, alternative uses and/or meanings, etc. to negate the necessity of taking this seriously.

[Asker]

It IS a Spanish word. I did my research and now do know what it means. And yes, what a coincidence, the friend that I mention is also Filipino like you. You're a perfect example. And yes, whichever language it's said in its still an offensive word to use. Even more so not okay, knowing that the other person doesn't know what you're saying.

[N192K001]

Oops… Sorry a compatriot of mine had been treating you that way. While I know the Australians can use 'bastard' as a term of endearment in certain contexts, I don't know of any context where 'puta' is used positively in Filipino, and convincing others otherwise to use on them unawares is very, very low behavior. If he's from your past, I take it you're now separated from him, right? It's probably a turn for the better. Hopefully, he is forced to see the error of his ways, and turns to the right.

[Asker]

Really? Well "bastard" is less offensive than "bitch" here in the UK. Sorry for my language I'm Just proving a point. One word we never tolerate here is "cunt" that's a very offensive and strong word. But in my case "puta" is not okay either, since this is the definition of it: Puta (plural, putas) literally means "whore" in Spanish, but depending on the context, it can also function like the English fucking, bitch, and motherfucker. It is often exclaimed in frustration or surprise.

This is the exact definition that comes up when the word is typed in Google. So now you see why it's not acceptable in my books. And I don't see that word being okay to be used in any type of culture, I feel like I was being made fun of because I didn't understand what it meant at the time. He literally was asking for my permission if he could call me that... LOL

And yeah, he's from my past, he's the one that decided to end any type of relationship we had. He didn't really value it like I did. He was also kind of narcissistic and was using our "friendship" for benefits. Just got what ever it was he wanted and left. And you probably may have come across him if you're from the same colony. It's very likely you might've seen him in person knowing all of you have close relationships with each other there... just guessing.

[N192K001]

Hopefully, not. (I've been here in the U. S. for almost 2decades now, though we do tend to migrate, and the U. S. is a top desired destination for many.) Such narcissists are such toxic people. Unfortunately, 1 of them (an American in our case) convinced us he was a good person, married my elder-sister, then abused her (verbally, psychologically, even physically) for multiple years, gas-lighting her at the end and threatening to have her committed in a mental-institution before we quickly evacuated her from there just a few months ago, just before COVID hit. (Ironically, he was the 1 previously committed for a few days due to violent and/or suicidal tendencies, yet he held himself the judge of her sanity & the good guy in all this.) Luckily, she's in a better state now. Previously, she would still regularly communicate with him to negotiate getting back her stuff, and he'd still abuse her for hours from afar. Now, she has most of her stuff back, communications now are nearly nil (May it stay that way!), and she's recovering with online therapy. Such toxic people should be kept away from association. They are only a threat to any society they encounter.

[Asker]

Ahh well, it's not likely you've seen him there then if you've Immigrated there to the US. Very unlikely. And yes, people like these act very "charming" at the start and then overtime they tend to start revealing their true colours. It's so surprising that they easily smooth talk loads of people and easily act like someone else is the one in the wrong. They're just toxic.

[N192K001]

Agreed! I hope things go well with you, and that you (& I) find a better mix of people in life.

[Asker]

Yep 😊

[Smirnoff23]

Use your brain the guy is taking the crap out of you

[Asker]

As in? Taking the crap? Lol

[Smirnoff23]

Using

[Asker]

He also was trying to convince me that "gay" meant "happy".

[OlderAndWiser]

You need someone else to tell you how to feel?

[Asker]

Nope, but suggesting me if I should tolerate behaviour like that would be needed...

[OlderAndWiser]

I doubt that is a cute nickname in his native language. I would never call a girlfriend "whore." Doesn't that make you mad as hell?

[Asker]

Yeah, it does now that I've found out recently what it means. I actually fell for it and believed him slightly. Really not okay...
I wish I knew at the time, what he was calling me. Even more good reason to be mad at him.