Girl who said she likes me, chose to get casual with my friend after I asked her out on a date and she left me hanging, now she wants me, should I go?

[Anonymous]

*Summary given at the end *

I liked a girl and she liked me too. All our friend circle knew as well. Both of us were aware of it as well through the friend circle.

After 3 months of a bit of cuddling lots of hugging and hanging out at cafes, I choose to ask her out on an official date. She agrees at first then gives me a very confusing answer:

"We will never date, I mean I'm not rejecting you and we'll go on a date but i'm do not want to risk any bad blood since we have a lot of time together before our course ends."

I'm confused but I think that at least we will go on a date and I'll get some clarity on it. Just so as to confirm I ask her on a date a second time ata later date to which she again accepts and says we'll go but shows no initiative and this is during vacation when we have no work or studies.

A week after this she suddenly starts going out with my friend who's also part of the friend circle and knows that I like her. I'm left hanging and try to talk with her alone but in vain. We also go on a trip but apparently a lot of friends bail and only the three of us are left.

Now I didn't have much idea if something was going on between em and she was a good friend of mine and I was a good friend to her ever since all of us met each other. So imagine my surprise when get treated not even as a friend when i get left out and find myself alone on this 'group trip' for about 50% of the time.

Now a month later she has feelings for me. Says "he's just a friend" (he wasn't) and that everything i experienced happened unknowingly and unintentionally. And that she has always liked only me.

To sum it all up :

I liked her, she liked me, i asked her out, but a week later she chose to get casual with my friend (who knew I liked her) without rejecting me and leaving me hanging. Then i end up being taken for granted by her at times as well as being left out etc. Now about 2 months later we are friends but she has feelings for me. What should I do?

[Part2603]

You made the mistake of thinking that asking her out on a date would be the way to seal the deal or how to resolve your tension.

Bzzz. WRONG.

If it was much earlier in your acquaintance the asking a girl on a date can be a good move, but really asking for a date is usually a method of expressing attraction, NOT closing.

For that reason, you asking her out on a date was not the significant overture in her mind as it was in yours.

For her, she just thought "too little, too late". When a girl feels attraction in a friend group, it kind of skips the usual building attraction through courtship. Usually guys and gals "date" to get to know each other since essentially when you match with somebody from tinder you're strangers.

Friends in social overlapping social circles on the other hand have that experience of getting to know each other while "hanging out". You two already built that attraction there, and since the point of dating is to get to know each other and build attraction, you taking her out on a date is completely necessary.

So the correct move you should have done was to put your hands down her panties when you were cuddling, and gone straight for sex. In fact you NOT doing that probably revealed to her that you're a little bitch, and she lost attraction to you. In fact, all this is suggested by her quote, "We will never date..."

Women only give dudes one shot, and if they miss the mark, you're fucked. Good luck trying to rekindle attraction when she now knows you're beta.

That said, it could be that you feeling like a third wheel was more subjective that objective. You're pretty vague on the details of their relationship, and her telling you (an admittedly bullshit) line about how she liked only you seems to suggest that she did have pretty powerful feelings regarding you. She may or may not have fucked him. (After all, you never fucked her, right?)

There is some ambiguity it seems, (unless you're omitting details) and it could be as simple as you made errors, the other guy didn't, and so she went with him. Even though there were some compatibility issues.

You won't know unless you try. But finding some other girl to show preselection and make her jealous would be a strong move.

If you do try to make a move, you have to try to fuck her. Pull her away to a corner and make out with her.

[Asker]

I see, thank you for providing me with insight on all the things where I might have gone wrong. This certainly sounds like a lot of my actions, and I'll be sure not to make these amateur mistakes in the future.

[Asker]

It was my first attempt at dating and I haven't really delved into modern dating before at all. As my friends have told me, my dating mentality and behaviour is that of 2 generations old and certainly that might have played a role in me making the mistakes you stated.
But I would like to take one thing home from our conversation. When exactly would you consider is the right time to ask someone on a date and when exactly would you consider is the right time to make sexual advances.

[Part2603]

The right time to ask a girl out on a date would be the second time you see her, or speak to her.
A good strategy might be to get her phone number the time that you first meet. Then you can call her up and invite her to a one on one social call, whether you frame it as a "date" or just hanging out can be your preference. Or you might not get her phone number, say a scenario where it's a certainty that she will return to a recurring social engagement, like a club or something, then you can skip the step of asking for her phone number, and just ask her for the date in person.

Point is, you want to be casual about it, so do it early. You want to give the impression that you're doing it the moment it occurred to you in your brain.

A month or several meetups in is too late, by then it no longer fits the narrative that you were immediately beguiled by her.

There can be complications with other relationships, not being in the right state of mind when you first meet or whatever, but generally you want to express some level of attraction with some level of flirtation when you meet.

[Part2603]

As for when to make sexual advances... I dunno... third date? Maybe? Depends on how sexually liberated she is? You should always be flirting and being suggestive, letting her know where your attitude is towards sex, so you don't start getting attached to each other without understanding if you have wildly different expectations.

If you're "cuddling" with a girl, and you're putting your hands all over her body, I think it's fair to say that sex was on the table in that moment. Maybe she wouldn't have gone all the way, and that's fine, maybe your hands go somewhere, and she'll just gently guide your hands back and you can stay within her boundaries. BUT, you should definitely try, and you should signal to her you're not exactly passive and you might be a bit dangerous in terms of being willing to coax the bad girl out of her.

Girls like assertive dominant men. They don't want to feel like they're doing you a favor. They want to feel like you're a sexy stud and they JUST CAN'T HELP THEMSELVES when they're around you.

You have to be ready to meet their energy when the opportunity presents itself.

So yeah, three dates in, and you should probably go for a kiss first, but I can see scenarios where you skip intimate face to face kissing. Maybe she sits on your lap or something.

[Juxtapose]

She's too wishy-washy and flaky, don't get with her.

[Juxtapose]

Just think about it, would a woman accept this behavior from you?

Women demand us to be excellent so let's demand the same from them and don't let them get away with this immoral bullshit.

[Asker]

Thank you for that.
I needed to hear those same exact words that my ego has been telling me.

[Juxtapose]

I know what it's like to not value myself enough, I am glad I helped. It seems your mind knows that the situation is not fair to you and I know you can do better than this woman.

Women like a guy who thinks well of himself anyway.

[Juxtapose]

But yeah, anytime something like this comes up? Ask yourself if a typical woman would accept those circumstances.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for you kind words. I am more than prepared to deal with this situation now.

[Asker]

I will keep this in mind going forward.

[Juxtapose]

You're welcome and best of luck 🤞

[Avicenna]

Hell no. After that performance, she has shown she is not worth your time and will just fool you again

[Asker]

Yes that is one of my primary concerns

[Avicenna]

That behavior of hers should have been a complete dealbreaker

[OlderAndWiser]

This girl disrespected you and the male "friend" also disrespected you. WITF do you think you should do?

[Anonymous]

As the show ended it turns out she's pregnant probably with millionaire Logan Hamburrger's baby. So I predict she has done this to trap Logan realising how tough it is to earn a living actually working for a living and now that she is 30 she is panicking about getting her life together. So she hopes Logan will dump his fiancee who is probably, younger, hotter, more accomplished and better for him than her and instead marry her and support their child, if he doesn't there's always child support and the revenge of breaking up his marraige and then play the victim. She has a track record of dumping guys then getting back with them when they move on. Totally narcissistic and toxic I don't know how I missed it.

[Sharkstealth]

I'd say thats not a good thing.

I knew a gal once and asked her to do something with me. She told me no and asked my friend to do what I had asked her. I am a very creative person.

Well anyway neither are of any acquaintance to myself or each other at this time. Honestly you should just find friends and girls outside of your circle. You would have a better chance. Stop wasting time because it moves very quickly and the cliche friend woman thing will mess your life up.

[Sharkstealth]

Learn the power of approach. You are the dominant man. You must make all the moves. You must introduce and initiate. When you feel her asking without telling move in for the kiss. Do not hesitate or back off. When you learn to do this women will flock. If you do not you will live a life of loneliness.

[Asker]

Thank you for the advice, I appreciate it

[bolverk]

Withdraw from interacting with her on any meaningful level, her actions show that she wants to keep you in the 'friend zone'/lay-away, your life will be easier without her, but when you withdraw from her be prepared for her to start chasing you hard.

[Normaldude444]

Do you have a brain? No, of course you shouldn't go.

[Asker]

I've been leaning towards that option as well

[Biancam13]

No. She has shown she doesn’t respect or value either you or men in general, by getting with your friend as well. She doesn’t respect your friend either. I wouldn’t go. You deserve better.

[DextroShade]

Bro, she belongs to the streets, so she is recreational use only. Try to smash if you can, but if you aren't getting any then ghost her and move on. Don't be some chump stuck in the friendzone, have some self-respect!

[Staximus]

If she was cuddling with you and stuff like that already and if you didn't at least kiss her, that's probably where you screwed up.

[Asker]

Yeah that must have been the case but we are way past that, what do you think you'll handle the situation at hand

[Staximus]

She said "we will never date", right?

[Asker]

Then she also rectified "I'm not rejecting you and that we will go on a date." And despite the we will never date, here weare at present where she wants to date.

[Asker]

Correction : wants a relationship
Ofc we never went on that date, but she never once refused. If she had done so, i would have moved along

[magiusX26]

should you give her a chance? hell no. you are an afterthought of an option to her at best. my advice is to move on and find someone worthy of yourself.

[Anonymous]

If you gonna sleep with her do it and then block her. Thats the only good way out of it.

[Pohjolan]

If you want a polyamorous relationship, yes.

If you want a monogamous relationship, no.

[Asker]

Its not a case of polyamorous relationship, she isn't with that guy i called a friend anymore.
Its just that after all thats transpired, even if her feelings are genuine what action will you take?

[Pohjolan]

Her actions have POLY written on them with car sized letters.
I'm not into poly relationships so I'd just move on.

[Anonymous]

Damn, figure it out for yourself. If you can't, you shouldn't be dating anyway.

[Asker]

Obviously I'm gonna be the one to figure this out. Just here to get different perspectives is all

[TheMadLad]

She is using you, this is the truth.

[Jackj]

She seems like she does not know what she wants.

[TracyF]

If you want her, take her. If not let it be.

[Jltakk]

Obviously NO

[EaterPeter]

Don't go.

[EaterPeter]

Thanks for like!