I have a problem, and I need serious and non-judgmental peoples opinions, please. Is a 20 year age gap wrong?

[Anonymous]

So I know this guy, he is almost 20 years older than me. Over the time that we have known each other, we have become pretty close. I never thought I would have to deal with something like this... but I am falling for him. And I mentioned that to him today and he said that he has had the same confusing thoughts... We both do not know what to do. But we know that it's pretty controversial and my family most definitely wouldn't approve if we did anything about it. Most of that reason would be because not only is he 20 years older, he is also only a year younger than my father. Please help... I have no one that I can trust to talk to about this without the worries of being judged...

[MementoMori777]

It's legal, I know people would be looking tho and judging, it's a most definitely, it's possible at some point it might get to y'all, there's also the awkwardness of the parents of course, if they don't like it, they aren't going to like him, period, it's just how judgment works, it's always possible to convince them but thats uncertain clearly, I don't know how the kids thing is gonna work honestly as I'm not a father yet, now for end times tho, if everything goes smoothly y'all stay married, and die of natural causes he will go a lot sooner than you'll probably expect because of the age, he will be in his 70s when you are in your 50s, if these things don't matter to you then y'all can make it work but y'all both gotta be on the same page about things.

[Avicenna]

You're consenting adults, so I don't see a problem with it. As to your father's opinion or that of other family members, take it into consideration, but you're an adult now and it's your life. More important than a guy's age is whether you're compatible and respect each other.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

He has nothing to complain he got this young sexy girl, but for you, I think you will get bored of this at some point and will feel upset at him that you wasted most beautiful years with someone who isn’t at the same page as you. You might feel resentful at some point and in the end it might bring disappointments to both of you.

I try to be open-minded about this but I believe 10 years older is the maximum I’d like to date.

However, that’s your life and that’s your choice to make.

[Alwayreckles93]

10 years older? Why? That is creepy as hell. The only guys i would date need to be born in 1992 or 1994 thats it.

[kylee2437]

Personally from my perspective and experience , I wouldn’t involve yourself with this. He is most likely dating down in that age gap for a reason. And meanwhile in rare occasions age gaps like this work, other times a person dating in that age gap is because the older person usually has severe problems/ commitment issues that they know for a fact that would never fly with someone their age because someone their age wouldn’t fall for the BS.

[RavVid]

Not judging and in my family large age gaps are normal. Twenty years is quite a bit still. If he suits you that is the prime thing - 'Better an older man's darling than a young man's fool'. You know the man that you will get to boot.

You could start broaching it with your family rather than just springing it on them and let them warm up to it. Regardless your choice of life partner is your choice and who is chosen is not for others.

I think the most serious age question you have is if you want children. He may not want at his age and your fertility will plunge by 30. So you should be conscious if you are choosing not to have children.

[Alwayreckles93]

You know it would be a good idea if you married a woman like me that's your same age generation wealthy succesful owns properties. Why would you want to bother with as stupid younger woman?

[RavVid]

@Alwayreckles93 If you have read many responses on male mate selection criteria, you will find that few men care about female income/assets. What do care about is whether we can live you at it's most fundamental.

Womansplaining put it rather too simply "men will marry a broke waitress if she is kind to him". Men simply have different mate selection criteria than woman. The strongest argument for a woman with income and assets is that your assets are more likely to survive when she divorces you in 8 years time.

[Alwayreckles93]

Younger woman are useless they dont clean no fresh home cooked meals. If you want youner woman get readyvtoeat nasty mcdonalds andnlive in a pigstick.

[RavVid]

@Alwayreckles93 And bras hung on every door knob. That particularly annoys me. :)

[Berethor]

Yea this man is old enough to be your dad, but it not secret that men like young women.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypergamy#Mating_preferences

[HighValue]

It is fine as long as you both have compatible morals, compatible long term life goals, and have some things you enjoy doing together besides just sexual stuff.

Some people may not like it at first, bit once they see you two are happy together they will likely grow to be okay with the age difference.

Usually the things that parents continue to not approve of are religion and race differences, but most other differences can be overcome within one year.

[kakaling]

I can't advice on anything, some guys will never truly be mature no matter how old they are, some girls too.

You are probably too mature or too immature.

The best thing is to search deep inside you to know what you truly want; everyone has this problem into realizing themselves.

I only knew what I truly want when I lose everything there is to lose, and the most painful one is one I want.

[Alwayreckles93]

Its disgusting. I don't understand why older men want younger woman that have nothing to offer to the table. Millenial woman we are better more wealthy own properties. I really don't understand what men see in younger woman. I am not jelous people always tell me i look 18.

[kakaling]

@Alwayreckles93 I like independent woman too, every guy has different preference. I'm totally fine with dependent or independent woman. I especially like those that can trigger my protective nature.

[Alwayreckles93]

That's creepy i would be creep out if someone that old would be hitting on me. I hate creepy guys that are 38 years old and over hitting on me. That's weird abd creepy you gen z woman are interesting woman.

[lorenzomichael]

Listen honey if your feeling this guy and he's feeling you then sure why not. Just expect people to de judgmental. And family might even have a problem with it. But that's just the way the world is always in somebody's fucking business.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Nah I've done +/- 20. Nobody's business but you two and you aren't breaking any laws

[Alwayreckles93]

Why? I mean woman your age are more financially stable own a house. Why waste your time with woman who have nothing to offer?

[BoopBoopBeep]

@Alwayreckles93 Why would I go higher or why would I go lower?

As far as her financial stability, as long as she spends less than she makes that's all I care about. I have more than enough money that to worry about needing hers. What "she" offers is never her career, whether that's an older woman, one my age, or a younger one. I don't define myself by my career and I don't date people who do. I find that boring.

[Alwayreckles93]

What about a christian?

[BoopBoopBeep]

@Alwayreckles93 Most of the women I dated were Christian. Not sure what that has to do with age though.

[Alwayreckles93]

Christian woman mmake good house wife. Do not get with a catholic woman they are whores they dress inmodestly worldly.

[BoopBoopBeep]

@Alwayreckles93 I know a lot of Christian women that can't boil pasta

[Noodle_fan]

it is not wrong , but u guys would have to grow thicker skin against society because people will always judge

[CuriousMufuxka]

No. There are many trophy wives and cougars that go after the young meat. Your relationship is your choice and yours alone..

[AngryCarl2]

Do you want my opinion or do you want me to be non-judgemental? I can't do both.

[Iron_Man]

That’s fine not a problem enjoy the relationship

[Iron_Man]

As long as you’re both adults

[shades777]

if your both adults who cares, ultimately its your love life not your moms or friends

[Hihibn]

No if your both above the legal age for sex then age don't matter all that matters is your both on the level with each and your happy

[Vikkrram]

Ma'am do tell me how it started?

[Asker]

We work together. We joke around all the time to make the day go by faster and better. He helped me through some really rough times. The first one was when a guy went unconscious outside our store and I blamed myself because I thought he was dead (I reacently learned he made it). That was back in December. But he also helped me out of a toxic relationship and has really been there for me since then.

[Asker]

He is basically everything I would want in a guy... but in a sense I just wish he was younger because I feel so conflicted. A lot of our co-workers already have suspicions about us but yeah, I do not know what to do.

[Asker]

He is also trying to get into the same industry as me. But both of us do not want to lose each other if things go wrong. And I know that I remind him of his ex fiance that passed away.. so I don't want it to feel like he has lost her again.

And I asked him last night if he liked me or if he wasfalling for a ghost because he was wondering the same thing. But he said it is me.
I am so lost.

[Vikkrram]

Yeah i can understand your feelings it's quite hard to really address an feelings if the other one is younger or older than you.

People do have idea sometime that they have feelings for each other but never confess it coz it is hard and society would judge them.

[linka_pat307]

I think it's not wrong but huge one

[Danny_dan92]

Fuck yeah.