What would be your advice to someone who doesn't believe in romance?

Question

Marriage, Dating, the modern idea of what “Love” is suppose to be? I’ve honestly soured on a lot of this stuff. You might call me simple, you might call me sexist. But to me the most ideal relationship is a relaxed one. No real power dynamic to speak of, no Dom or sub involved.

Just two good friends with the added benefit of sex. I don’t think all the responsibility should be forced on to me just for being a man, nor do I feel it should be necessary to treat my partner in the same way one would treat a child just so they feel “Safe”

The idea of being tied down or obligated to something never sat right with me as it seems I'm giving up my freedom and compromising my own comfort for someone else who likely has no intention of doing the same for me.

And I already know there are gonna be a few who will accuse me of some derogatory nonsense because I won't man up, but when the choices are "Stay single for the rest of your life" or "Give up your freedom" It makes it hard not to wonder.

Alli39 · Accepted Answer

Honestly I think you're probably misunderstanding what people tend to experience in terms of romance and healthy romantic relationships. My friend once described his ideal romantic relationship as being "best friend plus", the plus pretty much just being sex and and the intention of long-term commitment.

If you feel like you're the only one putting work into a relationship, like you're being forced outside your comfort zone, or you're being subject to unreasonable expectations then your current/previous relationship (s) probably isn't/weren't a good fit. It's not about power dynamics, it's about mutual comfort and support. If you feel constricted (or on the other end if you feel ignored), you're probably not with the right person. The goal is to find someone with similar expectations and desires, and a willingness to compromise when those things don't naturally match.

On the flip side, relationships are work. They do mean valuing another person and sometimes putting their needs and wants ahead of or level with your own. It's possible that you're not in the mental or emotional space to do that, or haven't met someone that has inspired a desire to do so.

(It's also possible that you're just aro and so have no desire for/ability to relate to romantic connections to begin with.)

provokeesmokee · Accepted Answer

If the cost of a relationship is giving up your freedom, that ain't a healthy relationship.

Normal relationships will accommodate the people in it being individuals, and free.

If you're in a relationship with someone and they keep wanting you to change, they're not interested in YOU.

This all said, you don't need to date. You can have casual friends with benefits only. That's perfectly valid.

CaptainOverthink · Accepted Answer

I guess the best I can say is that..
You go on living your life according to your needs and wants, become who you want to be, overcome fer that annoys you and learn things that interests you.
And in the meantime you just do what you do without any traditional romantic intent, just do you and reserve your energy for the things you consider to be worth failing at (ain't worth knowing unless it's worth failing over), just pick out women with promise when you're around and if it's not to be, you let them go.

Find a lifestyle that make you feel good about you, people seeing that truth will come to you.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I guess you have never been in a satisfying relationship. If you had, then you would appreciate the benefits of having a partner who loves you. However, as long as you think all women are gold diggers who will not give anything in return, it is unlikely that you will have that experience. And the guys who are dating in hopes of finding a long term partner are okay with your choice, because that means one less guy in the competition.

Bottom line: If that's what you want, nobody else cares.

Anonymous · Answer

It's to myself. Do what I like doing, what makes me happy. I see how American society is thoroughly dysfunctional now and in no way beneficial to me. My pitbully girl and I are taking the truck, all of our gear and checking out of it, indefinitely hiking all the trails and camps in the Rockies. I'll only stop down in Colorado Springs once a month for about 2 days and that's it. We're outta here.🤗

ThatBaldGuyOvetThere · Answer

This answer probably doesn't help. But there is nothing you can do for those people. Just simply let them be. Forcing romance or constantly reminding them they "need to" find someone does NOT help and only drives then farther from it.

It is simply a matter they need to figure out themselves.

LazerBean · Answer

I think people just need to leave such persons alone and invest their time somewhere where it will not be wasted.

DextroShade · Answer

The sort of relationship you are describing does exist but it is incredibly rare, especially nowadays when so many women are too ran-through to pair-bond with a man.

serious_miss419 · Answer

I don’t believe in it and my advice would be it’s not a necessity in life to help one get through life. You can live with or without it.

lorenzomichael · Answer

I would say to that person " Stay that way" your better off, and don't believe anything you hear and half of what you see.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Do what you want. I also refuse to base my relationships on emotions.

Anonymous · Answer

To learn to fake it anyhow. You may not believe in it but b****es thrive on that s***. So just tell her what she wants to hear. Fake it.

pethouse · Answer

I think some people will have it and some people won’t

Anonymous · Answer

Ok so stay single?

Mariammhan · Answer

Go socialise

What would be your advice to someone who doesn't believe in romance?

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