Do you think that someone that is not in a successful relationship can give relationship advice?

[HawkPerception]

Yes

No

[DishLady]

Well, technically, those who are attuned to feelings and experiences (in their own lives and in the lives of others) and have the proper training should be able to do so if they’re in their right mind. But I’ve been on my soapbox at a few places to discuss the importance of having someone with actually marital experience give marital/family counseling — if you’ve never been married there’s so much you don’t know about how to make that complex relationship functional bc it involves so much more than two people liking each other, you know?


There should also be thorough background checks and annual (or some regular) check-ins for formal counseling “experts” to make sure they’re giving advice that’s consistent and on-point.


If you’re talking about informal advice (like what friends tend to share with each other), sometimes the single person who sees the big picture in their married friend’s life offers a good perspective bc they know their friend a long time and can share a suggestion that suits that person’s personality…. When getting advice from a friend (or a person presenting themselves as a friend), it’s important to assess their sincerity and motivation for advising you. (E. g., the miserable single friend might advise you to drop your boyfriend/girlfriend so you can be miserable with your friend.) KNOW the person you’re asking….

[DishLady]

Thanks for the MHO, HP! <3

[HawkPerception]

You already know how much I appreciate your opinions! 😁

[Damaged00]

I believe that the best people to get advice on relationships is the ones who've had experience in relationships, especially if they weren't successful. They are the ones who are going to know exactly what went wrong, why a relationship can fail. They can easily spot red flags and early on.

Think of someone in there first relationship and they believe it to be successful. But they have no other experience to compare it to so are they really going to know if it is successful? They are probably blinded by love or lust so obviously everything seems amazing and perfect. They probably won't be able to spot any red flags and assume what they have to be great and successful, when in reality it could easily not be.

People learn by experience and making mistakes. Would you honestly pick a surgeon who's had one successful surgery under his belt to perform surgery on you or would you pick the surgeon who has years of experience that can spot a potential complication and be able to avoid it and fix it because he's done it before?

[WindAtMyBack]

Someone who has normal people experience can give general advice. Someone who has never been in a longish term relationship can probably give advice for some things. But relationships have a lot of special issues and emotions that a person can not really know how they'd handle it unless they've been in a real relationship.

I think this is what happens with self proclaimed "nice guys" (and girls) who have never been in a relationship. They imagine themselves being in a fairy tale relationship where everything goes smoothly. They imagine how things would be, but have never experienced the kind of things that really put a relationship to the test. They've never been through the trial by fire.

[ManOnFire]

Most definitely. You don't have to be in a relationship to understand what a relationship should be or how to advise others. You just need emotional intelligence, and to be both receptive and perceptive about the other person, and to also look at things as 'how would you want it to be if it were you?'

Relationship status does not equal better understanding or better experience. Think of all the people out there who are in relationships yet still understand so little about what it means, and especially if they are the types to have a track record for numerous relationships that tells you they obviously haven't learned a lot.

[kylee2437]

Absolutely , and honestly I don’t quite believe in the label “successful relationship” because all relationships have their ups and downs and many people in long term relationships may have just put up with more than the average. A long term relationship is two people that have been through a lot with each other, it is not two people that are superior to others because they have stayed together through the tough times.

[kylee2437]

And you aren’t more superior than others just because you are in a relationship.

[TommyMountainFigure]

The question isn't about superiority though. It's about passing on knowledge which if isn't working, can't be very good!

[kylee2437]

@TommyMountainFigure being in a relationship isn’t an achievement though, it’s a personal goal and that personal goal depends on who you align with, and what you choose to deal with in relationships. There’s not individual advice that would help you accomplish a “successful relationship”, especially because an active “successful” couple might argue that accepting the idea of your partner cheating can contribute to a long lasting relationship. Or there’s even people that suggest “open relationships” contribute to long long relationships. Now if that goes against your values as a person, why would you go against your values because someone is telling you, it contributed to success in their own personal relationship? Tuh if one of my now ex friends listened to me about leaving her now baby father sooner, she wouldn’t have ended up being a single mother with a baby father that doesn’t have pot to piss in.

[kylee2437]

Have a pot to piss in*

[TommyMountainFigure]

I do understand the point you're making. You did so with aplomb, but the original question wasn't about just being in a relationship. It was specifically a successful relationship. I wouldn't call staying in the relationship having been cheated on a successful one. If anything that would merely be one of convenience! Open relationships if that is their want as long as they are both happy, then sure they could give advice on successful open marriages. Does that make any sense?
Or let me try this a different way.
Supposing you have 2 potential business partners. 1 making millions, the other going bankrupt. Irrespective of who's fault it was that he or she went bankrupt, who would you be more inclined to take on in partnership? The multi millionaire, or the one filing for bankruptcy?

[kylee2437]

@TommyMountainFigure the point is , is there’s no such thing as a “successful relationship” as what works for one couple, doesn’t work for another. You said it yourself, “cheating wouldn’t make it successful” so that is your opinion, but if a couple argues that their relationship has been a good relationship otherwise, how can you argue that their relationship hasn’t been good? All this stuff is subjective

[Universaldance]

@kylee2437 would totally agree that what works for one couple may not for another couple. I do think also as you bring up subjectivity that a successful relationship is relative to the aspects of what another couple would deem desirable in theirs

[kylee2437]

@Universealdance exactly if we all valued the same things and found success in the same things, we would all be in happy relationships/ marriages

[Avicenna]

Absolutely- there are many useful perspectives, and it's usually not as if they've never had a serious relationship.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

The thing with relationship advice is you often need an outside perspective to help figure things out as when you’re in the relationship you may be too emotionally involved to see things for exactly what they are. Having someone who’s single can help put that perspective in place.

[Naruto_Uzumaki]

Yes they can because like others have already said outsiders have more of a neutral and unbiased view and opinion

That's why it's always important to get an outside view because you might not be able to see certain details than other people can

[hahahmm]

Depends. A person who has had say 1 failed relationship can actually give better advice than someone who has had 20 failed relationships. One is an expert in failure. Another, maybe, thought a lot about things and was smart enough not to repeat the mistake 19 times.

Most people aren't that reflective/observant to learn stuff tho, it seems. Those who are give the best advice.

[strangeatcircleK]

It depends...

I think it should be stated some point in the opinion but knowledge can still be helpful from them as long as it's balanced with others advice.

Overall, you take the advice that you accept, not the advice that you don't like or want

[IslaTheWitch]

they definitely can share what doesn't work...

[OfMiceandMen]

If they've never had a successful relationship that lasted more than 6 months then I would not give their advice much stock.

If they've had successful relationships in the past and are not currently in one, then I would take the advice, I mean, we've all been there before.

[Alli112]

I mean yeah. I think a lot of relationship advice is just encouraging the person to step back and think more clearly about their situation, and that can come from anyone.

[İronclaw_]

I don't think it makes much difference whether the person I will get relationship advice from has their own love life or not. The important thing is to mutually understand each other and give correct advice. Sometimes, someone looking from the outside can offer a clearer and more objective perspective, even if they have not climbed the mountains of love. In other words, recommendations do not necessarily require personal experience, sometimes a friend's observation may be sufficient.

[BetaBucks]

Yep. But as a "don't do what I did" type of thing. Same thing like getting life advice from a homeless person/addict. Listen to them. And don't be like them.

[avery58]

Yeah. Sometimes people are more unbiased and mature when it comes to the problems of others since their own feelings aren't involved.

[TommyMountainFigure]

You raise a valid question. It would be slightly hypocritical yes!

[dustybiker2]

There is "magic in the moonlight". If people haven't seen and experienced that magic and what it takes to make it glow and keep it glowing, they are just stirring storm clouds.
Feeling poetic today. 💅🏼

[TommyMountainFigure]

@dustybiker2 Blimey Db. that really IS deep.. what on earth did you dream about last nigh?

[dustybiker2]

I broke a 4 hr a night/for weeks sleep drought. So happy. Did have a few nightmares. One cracked Derp up. Had to share with him as he likes tarantulas. I'll DM it to you.

[Starrrboy]

Yeah.. I think even someone who's not in a relationship at all could give relationship advice.. In the end, everyone just give their very entitled and very personal view on this matter..

[Booklover_90]

If someone is in a relationship that’s falling a part, I wouldn’t be taking their advice. Rather, their relationship would be a cautionary tale to me.

[thegreenyogi]

Probably it's not the best person to take advice from.

[dustybiker2]

This one I have to say, no.

[serious_miss419]

Sure yeah if someone asked them.
Conversation is a healthy way to understand and learn something.

[LiamJHayden]

Yes, especially on things that do not work.

[CieloAzul]

I think so, yes