Why are there articles that paint people with Asperger’s as nightmare partners?

[Anonymous]

It’s like if you have this form of autism that it’s more about you being a monster to your partner versus your own individual struggles. Like speaking from the perspective of someone who has it it’s not something that’s chosen and more often then not we are doing something and we are not aware until someone mentions it or brings it to our attention.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Monster may be harsh. Nobody dates you FOR your individual struggles, they date you for what you bring to the table in spite of them. I think HOW FAR you are on the spectrum makes a big difference, as well as how it manifests. Narrowed interests is common. That's going to make it harder to meet people with common interests if you only have one. Inability / difficulty empathizing? Big relationship difficulty there. Inability to understand social cues impacts the two people in the relationship as well as those around them. Is it fair? Nope. Is it life. Yep. There's somebody out there for everyone, but they aren't going to just fall into your lap.

[Asker]

Yeah but what if you disclose this even before the relationship and the person chose to still so into the relationship like I didn’t hide anything with her. Now it’s being held against me

[Asker]

Also it says it take work from both partners in this regard and I have always been the one putting in the effort she never really tried. She has always somewhat considered me inferior cause towards the end she was like why would I go the long path of couples therapy when I could just find someone normal

[SnowedIn]

@BoopBoopBeep... really well said. Particularly about empathizing and social cues.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I think both your responses have good point. I'm going to combine them into my response.

"I didn’t hide anything with her." At my last job I always told women there would be long periods of time on my deployment where I have no comms. I'll have somebody contact you if something goes south, otherwise I'll reach out when I can. Never hid that (and a few other things from them)... doesn't mean it wasn't harder than they thought it was going to be once they got into it.

"it take work from both partners in this regard and I have always been the one putting in the effort she never really tried." It takes work from both partners in a relationship. It doesn't take the SAME work. It's her job to try to understand you. It's not her job to bend society to your wishes. Everything is not just the relationship in a vacuum. If I have a bad twitch and every time we go to a cocktail party I launch my drink on someone, it would be nice of her to bring me an extra napkin, it is not incumbent on her to clean everyone up when I stain their attire, and I have to accept there may come a time when she insists I either strap down the offending arm or do not attend with her.

You have to bring enough to the table to make up for your shortcomings. That's not a YOU thing. That's all of us. All the "her" out there, as well.

I'm gone a lot. I also have very little ability to give a ist about trivialities, so if Becky doesn't like your shoes my girlfriends know not to bring that to me and expect a big deal be made about it. Those, and probably a host of other things, are the things I have to make up for in bringing stuff to the table. Are you bringing everything you can? If not, work on that, and as that list of what you bring gets bigger, the detriments are easier to overlook.

[BoopBoopBeep]

@SnowedIn Thanks buddy. Dated a couple/few aspies over the years. A little experience there I suppose

[AngryCarl2]

I don't know of any. Maybe you could write one?

[Asker]

psychcentral.com/.../feeling-invisible-in-the-asperger-world

[AngryCarl2]

Sorry, I can't read stuff on Healthline.