Was he playing with my feelings for validation? Did he even care?

[Anonymous]

Both 45 yo and divorced. We were in a situationship, getting to know each other. His brother in law is a mutual friend. For 4 minths we would text and videochat everyday. Every weekend he would have dinner at my place. We hang out at concerts a couple times. No sex (he has ED for years) and we could talk for hours like only a couple minutes went by. But when after 4 months i told him ILY and wanted to know what were we... he rejected me badly, saying he can't feel love, all he feels is rage towards his late marriage that ended 3 years prior. He said i was an amazing woman, although i should lose volume (i'm 75kg) and that it was for the best. He hasn't said anything since, its been 2 months, although he sees all my social media stories. I am hurt pretty bad. I started having panick attacks, i cry almost everyday. I feel like crap. I know he was in a lot of dating apps like tinder and his ex was not nice - she won't let him see the kids - but had an amazing body. Was he using me to validate his ego?

[Oliverlogan263]

I'm sorry you're going through this hurtful situation. Based on what you've described, it does sound like this man may have been using you for validation and companionship without genuine romantic interest. Here are some key points:

• The situationship lasted 4 months with no physical intimacy, suggesting he may have enjoyed your company but didn't feel a deep connection.

• When you finally expressed your feelings and desire for commitment, he rejected you harshly and abruptly. This indicates he was likely not invested on an emotional level.

• Criticizing your body weight is hurtful and unnecessary. Someone who truly cared for you would not make such comments.

• The fact that he remains active on social media but hasn't reached out to you directly suggests he enjoys the attention you give him without wanting to put any effort into the relationship himself.

• His history of dating apps and issues with his ex indicate he may struggle to form meaningful connections and instead seeks validation through casual or superficial relationships.

• His claim that he "can't feel love" and is consumed by rage is concerning and suggests unresolved emotional issues that make genuine intimacy difficult for him.

While I can't say definitively his intentions, his behavior points to someone more interested in an ego boost and casual companionship rather than a deep emotional bond. The harsh way he rejected you when you opened your heart also shows a troubling lack of care for your feelings.

You deserve so much better. While the hurt will take time to heal, I hope you'll soon find a partner who enthusiastically returns the love and commitment you have to give. In the meantime, stay surrounded by loved ones for support and do things that bring you joy. You've got this.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your kind reply.

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re welcome man anytime

[Oliverlogan263]

Pardon the man part

[strateguy632]

in this story, that is not using you in any way, certainly not for ego. he was clear about his feelings not attracted. no playing with feelings just was a good friend and giving you good advice. if not for beauty for health change eating habits guided by a real doctor.

[Asker]

Thank you for your reply.

[sheenagwapa]

you are not good enough... he is seeinh you as a romantic prospect

[Asker]

Thank you for your reply.

[Avicenna]

Yeah

[Asker]

Thank you for your reply.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, you are being used.

[Asker]

Thank you for your reply.