Should I or should I not?

[Anonymous]

He once mentioned that he is not looking into relationship right now (but i was not confessing my feeling at that time. Its just a general information that he tell as we were speaking about other people situation in relationship)

But actually deep down, i love him. I seriously want a relationship with him. So i’m not sure if i should just kind of giving him a hint or should i just totally move on cuz for sure i dont have any chance

[Alli39]

It's probably time to tell him how you feel. Just prepare yourself to either have to cut off your relationship while you deal with your feelings, or find a way to deal with your feelings while working to be a true friend to him. The latter is ideal, but takes significantly more personal strength and awareness, so if you don't think you can do it, take some distance. It will hurt him less than the situation hurting you in the future, just make sure you're completely honest with him. Don't pull away without telling him how you feel unless you think you can do so without him noticing/caring (I don't know how close you are, but I'm assuming you're close and this is impractical).

If you do decide to tell him how you feel, you have options. You can either downplay, and say you're interested in a date if he is. Keep things low pressure so he doesn't feel uncomfortable. Or you can be clear about your feelings. If you think you're going to need space if he rejects you, you might as well just be clear because at least then he'll know what's going on.

[Asker]

I dont think i can work with trying to be his true friend ONLY if we keeps on going out together adding up to all the sweet gesture that he did.. i will ended up falling for him again and again.. But at the same time, confessing or pulling myself away from him can be an issue as well cuz we are classmate, and our class doesn't have a log of people, hence usually, we always ended up sitting near each other or even side by side. Im afraid that will lead us to feel awkward whenever we meet each other

[Alli39]

Yeah... that's a thing. In that case, since distance isn't an option, I'd try to keep your approach casual regardless of your choice. If he's really not looking for a relationship and you are going out/spending a lot of time alone together, then I suspect you'd have some sign that he's interested in more by now. But I really don't want you to be hurting from unreciprocated feelings either. Excluding starting a proper relationship with him, what would be your ideal situation/path forward?

[Asker]

Ideal situation/path forward for my life or my situation with him?

[Alli39]

With him, I mean.

[Asker]

Tbh… if not about relationship, then the ideal situation would be us being friend only in class or if going out, i dont want only 2 of us.. that will just lead me to fake hope..

[Alli39]

Then if you don't want to try and ask him out (because you absolutely do not have to) you can always focus on having group hang-outs as opposed to one-on-one and limit how much time you spend together. You don't need to disappear from each other's lives entirely in order to take a little space. Consider what actions of his affect you the most emotionally and see if you can't minimize those situations or you attitude towards them.

[Asker]

Great tips.. thank you soo much

[Alli39]

No problem :)

[balyai]

Move on cause its one sided love. And he did tell you he's not looking for a relationship

[Danny_dan92]

If you both aren’t looking for the same thing? Yes