Does it really hurt to get rejected or is it all in your head?

[coachTanthony]

[ObscuredBeyond]

Rejection itself? Only a little. Rejection followed by rudeness, gaslighting, slander, and harassment from her posse even after you've walked away, all while they insist you're the one with the problem?

That can lead to a lifetime of holding certain individuals in contempt, as well as a lifetime of fear that it will happen again.

"No, sorry, I'm just not feeling it, and would rather not waste both are time" usually suffices.

If this happens instead:

Her: "No..."

Him: "No? If you're sure. In that case, I'll be on my--"

Her: "What's the matter with you, asking me if I'd be interested in going anywhere with you? You some kind of sick? What other thoughts you have going on in there? How much of a creep are you?"

Him: "I said, I'll be on my way! I'm not playing whatever game you're throwing!"

Them (surrounding him): "Hey! You need some help, man!"

Him: "I asked if she wanted to see the fireworks show on Tuesday with me, that's it!"

Them: "You want her for a girlfriend, and that's concerning..."

Him: "Do I look like I want her for that reason right now? And how do you take that flying leap of logic? And why is any of this your business?"

Them: "We're just here because we can't be having you making her uncomfortable."

Him (visibly annoyed): "Irony is clearly lost on you!"

Them: "You have to respect her boundaries..."

Him: "Boundaries? I didn't violate jack squat! And why are all of you invading my bubble? You have no right to hold me here!"

Them: "We have to be sure you're not putting her in any danger."

Him: "As you're blocking my exit, after she gave me every reason to run the other way from her!!!"

Them: "Some anger management would do you some good..."

If that ever happens, be certain, real harm was done. Not only will that man face demons, even 20 years later, but the mob will endanger his reputation, threaten his job, possibly get him kicked out of school, or do worse to him in the short run before that. And he'll often be told how he is morally obligated to do nothing. By cowards who themselves know they'd lose big if he sued.

And so the original abusers slink away, while the rejected man now has to deal with real injury, real threat, imaginary additional threat, and the resentment that burns in his head for decades, with no proper outlet. Wishing he'd told them all back then what he still wishes he could scream at them, years later: "F*k all of you!"

To say that's all in someone's head, when they shredded the related paperwork around the 15th anniversary of being originally served it, is tone deaf, to say the least.

[coachTanthony]

There will always be "one off's" in life that is considered the average experience lol

[ohsheeT]

I think it's more of an ego thing.
For some people
We want that person to feel the same way that we do and when they don't
You can be embarrassed about it you can have all different types of emotions but in reality it doesn't even matter it's not that big of a deal.
If you turn it around and you reject somebody it's because of whatever reason.
The reality is is you're just not into them and it's not that big of a deal.. I have been rejected many times and I have rejected girls many times. And in the moment of rejecting somebody I feel bad because I know that they're going to feel bad or being embarrassed and I make sure.

And apologize to them for whatever reasons that I'm not into them at that moment or I like somebody else or I'm dating somebody else already. And in that moment I will hug them and tell them it has nothing to do with them it's about me and what I feel in that moment and I will hold on to them tight just to let them relax. And probably hold on a little bit tighter and longer and then be a smart-ass and say well wait a minute let me think about this a little bit longer LOL just to get them to relax and not take it so serious

[Rei13]

Anytime you get rejected it is going to hurt. For whatever reason someone is saying that there is at least one thing about you that they don’t like and unless you’re desensitized to it you’re gonna feel it. And honestly that is okay. Just let yourself feel the pain, learn and grow from it, and keep living your best life

[coachTanthony]

that would mean that you think everyone on the planet should love everything about you and that in itself is simply arrogant. We can't be everyone's cup of tea nor should we but furthermore why would we feel pain unless we have unrealistic expectations that everyone should like us?

[Rei13]

What? Did you even read my comment? All I said is that rejection hurts because there was something about you that the other person doesn’t like and it is okay. Meaning that it is okay that they did not like it and it is okay if you’re not perfect. That is why you learn and grow from it. I am so confused why you took the worst possible take on my comment that you possibly could

[coachTanthony]

"All I said is that rejection hurts because there was something about you that the other person doesn’t like and it is okay."

Why would it hurt unless you have the expectation of everyone liking everything about you? What exactly are we learning from it? That not everyone is going to like you? Seems like a bunch of talking points but no substance on your part. That is all I am saying.

[Rei13]

That is human to want people to like you? If you’re one of those people who don’t care then all the power to you. And it is situational for what they didn’t like? It can literally be anything? I don’t know what you’re looking for there. It could be that you talk too loud and you can take learn that hey maybe I should tone myself back so I don’t come off so obnoxiously or maybe you talked normally and it isn’t something you have to change, it just wasn’t compatible with the other person.

[Rei13]

Honestly I’m done engaging. I don’t see how this is productive and I stand by my first comment lol

[Potteplante]

Depends on the circumstances.

It doesn't hurt me to get rejected from a job for example - that is just part of life or a possible romantic/platonic relationship. Being rejected as a child and later as an adult by my father - well that was hurtful and still sometimes is.

[Summeroflove]

Being rejected hurts anyone. But eventually you move on and find better people. Better someone reject you in friendship or romantically then string you along as if they like you. While inside they hate you and talk about you behind your back

[coachTanthony]

A car running over my foot hurts being rejected I would argue just makes you "feel" bad.

[Summeroflove]

I would say emotional pain

[OlderAndWiser]

The pain of rejection is all self-inflicted.

[Pinay_ako]

Rejection hurts but at least I know and I can move on with my life.

[AaronKrieger]

It's really in your head unless they're a complete bitch about it, which isn't that common. It slightly hurts, but it doesn't actually hurt and for me I am happy I asked a girl out, so my mood isn't negative afterwards. It's better than just kicking the dirt and regretting shooting your shot.

[D_Bone_Steak]

It hurts me real bad... right on my penis.

If I fumble a woman... my penis will bitch me out and not let just let it go. My big bad mean little fireman will remind me at just how bad I failed. Even after a win and I bang a hawt chick... my penis will be there, and remind me of that one time I could've banged that skinny chick with no titts as well.

The pain caused by my penis realizing I didn't get it some of that vagina.

[Anonymous]

Not anymore. I'm pretty numb to it. When you're young you take it personal. As you get older you understand they're just doing you a favor. Why would you want to be with someone that wasn't enthusiastic about knowing you and getting to know you better. The only thing I don't like (and I think I speak for most guys here) is the women who bait you with no real interest. I don't mind rejection. But I don't like being led on with her having the full intent of rejecting me when she gets bored. These types of women give all women a bad name.

[Ninania]

For me personally, when my emotions reach a certain point and get overwhelming, I experience actual physical pain as a result. Rejection doesn't always hurt, it really depends on both the person and their delivery. Common triggers for me are sudden changes, betrayal, deceit, and carelessness.
I've stayed friends with people after they rejected me, because they delivered their rejection with respect and thoughtfulness, and I've cut people out for rejecting me in a harmful way.

[exitseven]

Sometimes it hurts like hell. If you really have feelings for somebody and really want to be with them and all of a sudden she dumps you it is one of the worst thing that can happen.

[coachTanthony]

That is a break up not a rejection

[exitseven]

no. we had only gone out for a short time and she went back with her old boyfriend, It was a rejection all right.

[OfMiceandMen]

All in your head and ego. What's the worst that can happen, I guess, she could say yes...

[inhua]

no it doesn't

it's the MeToo movement that can destroy your reputation

[coachTanthony]

Oh no the MeToo lol

[Anemone978]

When I cry it hurts.. so yeah it hurts... I am still not even over a guy I didn't even actually like.. but it hurts my self esteem and pride.. I couldn't even get an asshole to like me even as a friend :(

[ShesRad80]

can make you feel bad. because its normal to internalize a lot of the times and question yourself what did i do? why wasn't i good enough? etc. but in the end its apart of life, everyone goes through it

[blueonblack22]

What kind of rejection are we talking about? Someone who turns you down on a date? Or someone who leaves you for someone else after you dated them (or was married to them) for years? Context matters here.

[lightbulb27]

It really hurts until you get your head right so it doesn't.

Emotional pain is like physical pain, maybe worse in some ways. It's the same brain telling the story...

Rejection is failure to get something you wanted. A flexible mind that is learning is key...

[BoopBoopBeep]

Doesn't hurt. There's 8 billion people in the world. You don't want anything to do with me there's plenty others who do.

[Billlewis]

Being rejected is an important part of a guy's development, because the more often I'm rejected, the sweeter and more submissive I become.

[NathanDavis]

I don't know how that feels... but I am sure it sucks monkey butt, why wouldn't it? lol...

[msc545]

Everything is in your head. Where else would it be? That includes the pain from rejection.

[coachTanthony]

I would argue there is no such thing as pain from rejection it's just our ego that makes us "feel" bad.

[msc545]

It's not pain in the physical sense but it is still unpleasant as hell. Where do you think the "ego" is located?

[coachTanthony]

In your head which is why I asked the question. If rejection hurt like a car running over your foot then I get people not wanting that to happen again but nothing like that happens.

[msc545]

"Ego" is just a psychological construct that has no physical equivalent. Rejection creates distress and we have no other word for that distress except "pain". It is not equivalent to what happens when your foot is run over and it is arguably worse since it tends to be persistent over time. Feel free to make up a new different work for it.

[coachTanthony]

I'll let ya know when I do lol

[msc545]

It actually DOES need a new word!

[slatyb]

Everything, absolutely everything, is all in your head.

[Stoner710]

Of course it hurts to get rejected that nature human emotion