How to deal with this guy moving way too fast?

[Anonymous]

I don't really know this guy that well. We work together and we would only ever talk super briefly. Like a passing hey here and there and that's it. Recently, he began to take a random interest in me. He started wanting to talk more and started asking friends stuff about me. Then, he asked for my phone number. I was a little unsure, but I decided to give it to him and just see what happened.

Since then, it's been a bit... much. He will text me ALL the time. Like 3+ texts at once before I even answer back. If I don't answer a question quick enough, he'll re-text it again. We don't even know each other well. I want to talk, see about starting a friendship and see where it goes from there. I don't want to jump into dating right away.

He lays on the compliments very heavy and makes it awkward. He has called me beautiful dozens of times in his messages. He always says weird stuff like he could drown/get lost in my eyes and how staring in my eyes feels like heaven.

Like we haven't even been texting for a week yet. So all this just feels so over-the-top. I am VERY chill towards him. I don't lay on compliments. I use the term friend A LOT. He wanted us to go walk at a festival, I agreed but made sure other friends also "casually showed up" so it was more of a FRIEND outing and not just us 2.

I don't think he's necessarily a bad guy or anything. He is nice and he does have a gentleman mindset (paying for food, believes in treating women with respect, walks to your car with you if it's dark to ensure you're safe, etc.). I just don't know how I feel about him as far as beyond friendship goes. He's an ok friend, but I just don't know about anything else.

I just feel like he's being REALLY "extra" and moving too quick. I have told him several times I do NOT want to go on dates or pursue some official relationship at the moment and want to go slow. He said he did too, yet he does all this. He asked to take me out the day after getting my number.

Any advice? Thanks!

[stepyo99]

You need to make up your mind. I seriously doubt you've made anything clear at all for him and I can tell you haven't because you say yourself how unsure you are of your feelings towards him. If you're unsure, then he's definitely not getting a clear message from you.

And since you're unsure, I would highly recommend telling him plainly that you're only interested in him as a friend and nothing more. Usually when you women are "unsure" of these things it's because you like the attention (his gentlemanly treatment of you) but have zero interest in a romantic relationship.

[Asker]

I did tell him friends only. And I call him a friend all the time when we talk. I've told him I don't want to date or anything.

[Asker]

He didn't buy ME food. We've never went to dinner or anything. I'm just saying he does those things when he does go out. He's told me he wants to pay for the woman because it's how he is and how he was raised.

[stepyo99]

You can lie about it, but like I said, I can tell you've made nothing clear since you admitted you're unsure of your own feelings toward him. "Going slow" doesn't mean just friends and neither does anything else you've been doing to try to get him to read your mind.
You need to be explicit. Tell him plainly you have no interest in him whatsoever and he should find other girls to date because obviously your unclear feelings have been sending him mixed messages that these are dates leading to a romantic relationship.

[Asker]

We haven't went on "dates". We walked around a public event together one time for a couple hours with other friends and we all talked. He has ASKED me to go on a date and I've declined.

[stepyo99]

Lmao, obviously he's not interpreting your implicit signals the way you want him to. You can fight me on this or you can swallow your pride and listen so that he stops bugging you.
Stop accepting any date offers, that one public event he interpreted as a group date. Tell him explicitly you aren't interested and he should pursue other women. No "going slow" or any other wishy-washy women statements that can be misinterpreted as they have been here. Block his number and tell him you blocked it because you're only friends and you don't want to lead him on. He asked for it because he wanted a date, not to be friends so there is no reason for him to have it anymore.

What you've been doing is making all kinds of vague statements that you think are supposed to make him read your mind, but obviously it hasn't been working.

[MrRiskTaker]

Majority of men (99%) barely speak to any women, so when they do.. well they talk too much and are very needy. Women on the other hand have unlimited options with men, and the ones they do speak to are normally in the (1%) which are not needy and don’t talk too much. My advice is don’t give your number out, most men don’t understand when not to call or text. A number is very personal so they see as it as they are ‘already in’. Just give your Instagram. As for what to do with him, just block him. Too much headache too soon.