How do you bring up having std in a previous relationship?

[Anonymous]

I was in a long term relationship and he gave me herpes. I guess he didn’t know he had it too. We broke up but now I’m seeing a new guy and I don’t know how to bring this up to him. I feel so embarrassed. I didn’t have multiple previous partners. It was just my ex. I really worry about what the new guy will think of me.

[OlderAndWiser]

Sooner or later, you must tell him, and the only question is how soon you tell him.

Of course, when he hears that, he will be a bit disappointed, and he may not have a good idea of hos that affects a potential future sexual relationship, so you need to be prepared to tell him.

www.cdc.gov/.../stdfact-herpes.htm

You don't want to wait until the time that having sex is imminent, because that would be unfair to him. But if you tell him too soon, he may feel that he doesn't yet have too much of himself invested in the relationship, and it would be easier and better for him to break up right then.

How far into dating would you expect the relationship to become sexual?

[Asker]

We’re long distance so we see each other in person once a week. We recently had a make out session but nothing more. We have long late night calls and been talking for 1 month now. I feel like if we do meet again, it can eventually turn sexual

[Asker]

Do you think it’s about time to tell him?

[OlderAndWiser]

Probably.

"John, it feels like we are moving forward and that sex may be something happening soon for us, so I want to talk about something important before we find ourselves in bed. I need to let you know that. . ."

[ProbablyClueless]

You just tell him directly in person. And tell him pronto. You cannot wait until after sex and you cannot do it over text; that is not a text discussion

[Asker]

We’re long distance. Like 1.5 hours away. Should I tell him through FaceTime or when we see each other in person

[ProbablyClueless]

If I was him, I would want that facetime call before any travel arrangements are made. I think that if you explain the full situation to him. How you got it, whether you have had outbreaks, whether you are taking medication; the conversation shouldn't go too bad. Most people who have herpes never have any symptoms; they never even know they have virus. Honesty is your best policy here!

[Asker]

Okay. I just feel so embarrassed. I wished I knew better to ask my ex about it before we did anything. I’ll probably let him know tonight

[Asker]

Thank you for replying

[ProbablyClueless]

I feel you! I just want you to know that no matter how he handles that conversation; I'm proud of you and I want you to know that you're doing the right thing. I realize that that might not mean much coming from a random stranger online, but you really are doing the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Do you still have it? If not then I don't know if you should bring it up at least not in the beginning of your relationship.

Also you shouldn't feel bad about it. It was your ex who gave it to you. It wasn't like you were being promiscuous.

[ProbablyClueless]

Herpes is incurable

[Opinion Owner]

Oh I didn't know that. Then she should definitely tell him.

[ProbablyClueless]

Yeah, it is incurable, but it is also one of the least severe stds. It's really more of an inconvenience than anything else, but the fact it can't be cured means that you really need to tell people. Most people don't ever have symptoms

[catarecute]

maybe give a go at searching for natural remedy online to cure it. i know it sounds crazy but some people manage to cure uncurbable diseases with natural remedy.

[slatyb]

Is it curable? If you are healthy now there's no reason to bring it up. if you are infectious, then you should disclose this fairly early.

[es20490446e]

Just use condom, unrolling it properly to the end, and don't have sex during outbreaks.