How to get over relationship ptsd?

[Juicyred921]

If you were with your first love/ true love, and you gave them everything. You were open, honest, romantic, intimate, passionate. But the relationship went toxic. And now you have issues being that way with anyone else. Even 10 years later. But your still not sure why. Even though you love someone, you still can’t seem to be that way for them.

Updates

+1 y

And when I say toxic. I mean, it was pretty bad. They got together after a few years thinking things would be the same but it was far from it. The person they dated would cheat a lot, then make them feel guilty for it. Constantly arguing. Always on and off again. I guess they were longing for the perfect relationship they had before when they were younger. But after 10 years, they just walked out. It wasn’t worth hurting each other over and over again.

[Finchie40]

Having your heart shit on by someone you gave your everything to , is traumatizing and a life changing event , So carrying those feelings of resentment is a hard thing to get over, it changes you as a person and your whole outlook of love and relationships , is completely different from how it use to be , so Your only defense is to put walls up from allowing someone to take you for granted and breaking your heart again , your trust for someone becomes a lot harder to accept , especially if that new person is doing things that remind you of how your ex damaged you , Your insecurities rise , I went through this with my ex wife , she was my best friend the mother of my children , I did everything I could to keep our love for each other alive and our family together but she betrayed me and my heart was shattered , what she did to me was a very selfish decision on her part , the reason I said selfish is because to me that’s the only way I see love growing between 2 people , everyone of us has selfishness in us so for me to trust again and for me to be able to give a girl 100 percent of my trust and love and respect and loyalty I had To learn how to remove selfishness inside myself , If you can’t remove selfishness for your partner you should never get into a relationship or you will be wasting your time , Selfishness is one of the biggest relationship killers that most people don’t understand and grasp that concept , because people automatically assume what they are doing is ok and that’s where things get messy , if you can’t wear your partners shoes like they wear yours your relationship will fail , for love to grow you both have to make each other your number 1 priority , over everyone , your friends your family etc.. if you can’t remove selfishness for your partner they are not going to be able to remove it for you Understand you can’t always be right and they are wrong , and that’s where relationships fail because it’s always easier to ping your fingers at them over pointing fingers at yourself , I can go on and on but the bottom line is you have to remove selfishness

[loveslongnails]

I've answered questions like this before and been told I was very unkind, unsympathetic and cruel. Well you decide - here's my answer: there's no magic wand, it's a question of mind over emotion and how that person CHOOSES to live their life going forward. Here's where they are at now - they "claim" to love someone, but they're afraid to give themselves openly, honestly, passionately, intimately (forget "romance", if the other 4 things are present, that will be too). The fear of getting hurt again keeps them fulfilling what their love should be experiencing.

It may seem like their partner could somehow reassure them enough, or show enough, or love them "back" enough, to change that - but it's not true. It has to come from within them and a decision to do it, or else they will be stuck in this "love limbo" indefinitely. What's worse could be when the partner says " I feel like you're holding back from me for something I didn't do", and they decide to leave, thus fulfilling the fear that they would get hurt again without realizing it's their own doing.

You have to decide to go all in, or not, because that's what love is about - it's a decision you make at this point. 10 years is long enough to get over that heartbreak, or in my opinion, it should be.

[SexyRedd1966]

You need therapy to get past relationships with people like that and one rule I have is never go back to old relationships my dad told me that and that's the one advice I follow from him because he said you broke up for a reason I always keep it moving

[coachTanthony]

Time solves everything when it comes to matters of the heart so tell them that.

[TheSpaceGnome]

You stop being an asshole.

I know that might sound like I'm being mean or trolling or whatever. but I'm not.

It's morally wrong to stereotype every guy on earth because of your experience with one dude. You can't sit there saying "but this guy was toxic, so I can't date anyone else" and then not admit that you are the problem at that point (even if the original problem was him).

If it was a woman just replace the appropriate words, my point still stands.

Admit that people are individuals and stereotyping is wrong.
Admit that missing a toxic person makes no sense.
Admit that the toxicity is gone from your life.
Then your ptsd will go away.

[slatyb]

"... you gave them everything." That sounds like you gave too much too soon. How to get over it? Can you see a counselor to help you recover and avoid repeating the same behavior?

[RavVid]

I think it is fairly natural to have reservations after your first love fails. You know it does fail now and it is not together forever.

[Bklynbadboy12]

I'm sorry to be the one that tell you but the only thing that's gonna help you with that is time. It takes time to get over heartbreak but I'm sure you'll be fine you seem like a pretty strong woman

[Juicyred921]

Oh it’s not me. It’s someone I know. They seem to have a hard time getting over it. There over the person. But not over certain things that happened. Now they seem like they can’t fully connect on a romantic level. For the last 10 years they’ve been in friendship type relationships. Now, for the first time sense there ex, they have a real relationship with someone that they love and loves them. But have a hard time connecting romantically. So they treat them like a best friend.

[Bklynbadboy12]

That's because there afraid of getting hurt again

[HippieVeganJewslim]

I ain’t a psychologist, but might take a deep breath, and hold it for a minute. Meditate. Think of things that make my love angry.

[Fryday_Knight]

I don't want to be that way with anyone again. I was young naive and stupid. I will be better with the next person.

[Shamalien]

Wish I had better advice…all I can say is that you have to be willing to be hurt again. Don’t be afraid of it, you can get through it

[LimitedBenefits101]

It's been freaking 10 years get over it otherwise you have major issues.

[KrakenAttackin]

The term PTSD is so overused and you do not have PTSD from not getting Chad's cock anymore.

[Dav1dTh0ma389]

You move on

The hardest part of letting go, is moving on

[Guardian45]

Self-care and Time are the BRST remedies. Sometimes CBD is necessary.

[Date_a_Snob]

by getting under someone new

[Keishio]

I'd advise thicker skin

[Alex8736]

I've been there I know too well

[boggboss]

Therapy

[Anonymous]

I'm still trying to figure that out myself

[TJ1892]

Smile and move on