How do you get over a relationship that you stuffed up?

[Anonymous]

I went away for the weekend and a friend of mine got unexpectedly sexual with me after I'd been sharing my concerns About my boyfriend (we'd just started seeing each other again after a break up.. )

As soon as I realized what was going on, I stopped it. (Drunk...)

I decided not to tell my boyfriend. There is no possible way that can happen again. He doesn't live around here and yeah. It was a mistake - a moment of weakness on my part, and pathetic at that - that I decided could never happen again.

Things continued back home. Me and the boyfriend went back to bring official. everything going well for a month Then bam, he goes through my Facebook messages while I'm sleeping. Finds out from a brief and non explanatory comment I made about to my friend who is overseas at the moment.

Everything ruined.

He wasn't interested in my explanation which is OK. I stuffed up.

But now I'm depressed. I feel guilty and anxious and I need to move on. But how?

The thing that's bothering me the most is that he hurt me so much in our initial breakup that all the concern and hurt that I was expressing to my friend... and then to have it turn into this?

Someone help - please

[rudy37lee]

For a lot of people, cheating is a mess up you can't get over. That special physical bond between the two of you is damaged and so is the trust, two things which in many cases, cannot be restored which means the relationship is over. Blaming him for your infidelity, by saying it was grief from how he wronged you that put you in the situation, is pretty messed up. I'm sorry but I chuckled a bit when I read that. Admit your fault and own up to your mistakes. This may be a painful lesson learned, by losing someone you love, due to your so called 'moment of weakness'. Moments of weakness arrive when two people have been skating on those lines for awhile, feelings like that don't pop up out of no where. Cheating is deal breaker for many, myself included.

[Asker]

I'm not blamming him for my infidelity and nor have I posed it to him that way.

And if you didn't notice I have said it's OK for him not to want to discuss with me and have ended it - but it's very hypocritical with some of the emotional infidelity he committed it out first break up.

In any case, you didn't answer my question and obviously just answered to slag me off. How wonderful of you.

[iNeedYourAdvice]

In a situation like this the saying "time heals all wounds" is very applicable. Remember that the heart of a relationship is: love, trust and forgiveness. If he couldn't forgive you then you obviously cared more for him then he did for you. You know that it was moment of weakness and that you are remorseful. It's his choice to not forgive you.

Something that will definitely help is talking to someone; a professional.

[rudy37lee]

Just because he chose to end the relationship due to her being unfaithful, does not mean he cared less for her, that just doesn't make sense. Couldn't I argue that she didn't care as much for him, as he did for her, because SHE couldn't be faithful? Yes, I could, but this explanation is just as unvalid as yours. She messed up, he can no longer trust her, the right thing to do was leave the relationship.

[Asker]

You are so right. After the display I heard about on Facebook last night - him saying how great his life is and all his mate's making statuses about how they were taking there single mate out to get some ladies ... I think you're right. Who's capable of that after one day?

Yeah I'm booked in... it is tomorrow night. It just feels like a really long way away with the way I'm feeling right now.

Thanks for your response

[Asker]

Also thanks for answering my question rather than seeing my mistake as an opportunity to javelin a go at me.

[iNeedYourAdvice]

You're welcome. :)