I can't get over the guilt after being dumped, help?

[kat1012]

It's been 4 months since my boyfriend of 8 months broke up with me. He was my first boyfriend, I loved him and it took me quite a while to stop crying about him. My life's back to normal, I've been meeting new people, got a new hobby and loving it, going out with friends and having fun.

I know I don't love him anymore, but it's just from time to time, I got reminded of how I might have screwed up and caused him to break up with me in the end. I kept thinking how I was this "crazy drama queen", "unsupportive" (one time I told him I would text him to see if he really woke up early the next day, since he drunk texted me at 2am saying he will wake up really early to go to the gym, he replied saying how I was a good support and why did he date me), and "full of myself" (we were texting and talking about my day and he sent "had an interesting day" in the middle followed by responding to what I was saying, I stupidly read it the wrong way at first thinking it's about me, until he's like "oh wow I thought we were just talking about you" when I then asked him how his day was after he stopped replying to my texts)

whenever I thought of the moments I possibly screwed up, I just felt so stupid, embarrassed and cringed at these moments. I looked back at the stuff I bickered about, I realized they are not that much of a big deal. I know back then I was upset about sth he said/did, but I may have overreacted by bickering about it (aka being a drama queen)

It's not like I still love him. Seeing him or his Facebook is fine, they don't trigger me. I've been at the same event with him twice and talked to him a bit and I am totally fine. It's just sometimes at night or when I saw words like "drama queen" "crazy bitch" "supportive", I will be thinking of all the stupid things that I have done which might have caused the break up.

Why is it so hard to completely get over a relationship?

[Anonymous]

Well firstly, it's too late to change anything you said whether it was good or bad.

So don't beat yourself up over it, of your not happy with how you did or said things, remember it for the future.

Don't feel stupid, everyone says and does things they regret sometimes.

I have been a total B***h to a couple of boyfriends sometimes for no real reason. The first I said to myslef I wouldn't do it again and I did! But now I have learnt the lesson.

I never plan on doing it again I talk calmly about how I feel when we have misunderstood or said the wrong thing to each other.

Your entire life, the ups, the downs are about learning and choosing how to map out your future.

Some people enjoy a fight or drama, that's fine if they want that ( not saying that's you )

Relationships if they don't work and you were in love are the most painfull things.

Almost like grief sometimes. It is hard especially if you keep going what you think you made mistakes with. Or feeling silly for doing or saying something.

In time it will feel easier, OK or maybe even not bother you at all. Sometimes that can take years to fully move on, not as your still in love or want them... but when you are blaming yourslef it is hard to let that go sometimes.

Be kind to yourself, accpet you did somethings in a way you regret when you look back at it.

Tell yourself how you would deal with it in a different way next time. And tell your self you are a nice person and beautiful.

There will be someone one day who will abosolutely sweep you off your feet and how you feel now will be so irrelecant. It was just learning.

Live your dreams, Laugh and don't punnish yourself for your mistakes, learn from them and move on. Much love xx

[kaylaS91]

The best cure for heartbreak and these feelings of guilt is time. It took me over a year to get over someone whom I was seeing for about 1/2 a year so don't worry, it's perfectly normal.

Another thing that I found helped me was to just have a little fling with another guy. Nothing too serious, but just date around. It'll be nice in that it will help take your mind off of the original guy whenever you get reminded of the situation, and it always helps to see that there are other boys who will see something special in you as well. All hope is not yet lost. :)

Also, your first love or first boyfriend is always the worst. Whenever you get upset or start feeling guilty and blaming yourself for how things ended, try to redirect your thinking to how in a sense it's good how it happened as you are much more aware and prepared for whoever you develop something with next.

.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

It sounds like you're beating yourself up over the relationship. Yeah, you made mistakes, and if you learn from them, you'll be that much better off next time. Learn how to forgive yourself.

[Belgie]

"Why is it so hard to completely get over a relationship?"

It gets easier. The first one is always hard, because it's new and you've not done it before.