I cheated on my boyfriend. How should I overcome this guilt?

Question

I deeply love my boyfriend and our relationship has always been healthy and strong. However, I made a terrible mistake when I got drunk and spent the night with his friend. Though I initially lied about what happened, I felt immense guilt and confessed, leaving out the worst part. We moved on, but when his friend returned, I made the same mistake again. Overcome with guilt, I broke up with my boyfriend, knowing he didn't deserve my betrayal. I didn't tell him the full truth, but I couldn't continue the relationship. Now, I'm struggling with the aftermath, unsure of how to cope. I realize my actions were driven by a need for excitement, but I know it wasn't worth losing someone so special. I’m lost and seeking advice, but I can't bring myself to tell him everything.

bobalife · Accepted Answer

full on agreement with @yannae and @aviatortom ! To answer your direct question, you can overcome this guilt by being honest with yourself about what you have done; the consequence of the aftereffect on you, your exbf & the relationship; and recognizing it was not okay to cheat on someone. We are humans, we make mistakes that we aren't always proud of, and what's important is learning from this experience to treat your next partner with respect, loyalty, honesty, and find new ways to bring "excitement" (or what is lacking) into the relationship instead of falling into temptations. Then, when you are ready, find ways to forgive yourself for your mistakes. Another option is telling your exbf the truth that you cheated. Even though I know it is scary and hard to do because you probably don't want to hurt him and feel ashamed, he does deserve to know the truth. Loving and respecting your partner also means being honest even when it's not easy and could potentially hurt them - suggestions: you could write your confession about cheating on him on a note and then read it to him if it makes it a little easier to vocalize it or writing a letter and give it to him when you meet him. I know a lot of people will probably shame you for cheating, but what's done is already done. I think what's important now is that it already happened and you gotta focus on how to move forward: you were able to recognize your actions, the reasons why you did it and feels bad, and hopefully now learn from this experience to not repeat it. You could confess to your exbf why you broked up with him or move on and treat your next relationship better.

coxoabean · Accepted Answer

This is a messy situation and I'm sorry you've cheated on your boyfriend and I'm sorry for your boyfriend. He deserves the truth and nothing but the truth. He will likely feel very hurt, betrayed and angry as he should and his feelings would be valid. He will likely need space. You will feel guilty as you have made a mistake. This is simply why I don't drink nor agree with drinking. I've seen this happen so many times where people make a mess of themselves for getting into drinking. Not good, but it's ok. You've made a mistake, we all do them. You need to first make things right with him. Tell him the truth, give him space. He will probably feel really hurt and that's really sad and I'm sure will make you feel more guilty. As for you feeling guilty, it's simply a consequence of the action, but to feel better, you need to make it right with him and then understand that if this was a mistake, it was a mistake.

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

1. "I deeply love my boyfriend and our relationship has always been healthy and strong." That is all a lie. This is not what you do when you deeply love someone, and it doesn't happen if your relationship is healthy and strong.

2. "I got drunk and spent the night with his friend." Being drunk is not an excuse and, if you do things like this simply because you are drunk, then you have a drinking problem and you need to take your ass to AA.

3. "I felt immense guilt and confessed," You didn't confess because he deserved to know the truth; you confessed because you wanted to make yourself feel better.

4. "We moved on, but when his friend returned, I made the same mistake again." Calling it a "mistake" is a way of minimizing your culpability for what you did. Stop it!

5. "I broke up with my boyfriend, knowing he didn't deserve my betrayal." Good decision.

6. I realize my actions were driven by a need for excitement, but I know it wasn't worth losing someone so special." And you knew that before you hopped into bed with his friend, but you did it anyway.

7. "I’m lost and seeking advice, but I can't bring myself to tell him everything." Why do you need to tell him anything if you already broke up? Is this one of those fake break ups for dramatic effect? Whatever the "worst" part is, what good is done by telling him now? You want to crush his ego even more just so you can pretend to atone for your guilt?

8. If you want to start feeling better, accept responsibility for what you did and stop playing games with yourself.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

There is nothing you can do , the damage is already done , the truth is , you didn’t truly love your boyfriend , cuz if you did? You wouldn’t of cheated on him , so the best thing for you to do , is move on and realize you made a huge mistake , hopefully , it’s a lesson learned for you , to never cheat again. Cheating doesn’t get you anywhere in life , understand you threw away someone that stood by your side , for what? 10 minutes of pleasure? And now you have a reputation of being a cheating whore? Was that 10 minutes worth all the drama you will probably receive , once your ex boyfriend tells everyone how much of a whore you are? And the fucked up thing is? You really can’t be mad at him , because you dug your own grave. Think how you would feel , if your boyfriend cheated on you?

hannah · Answer

I know this must be really hard for you right now. The fact that you feel this guilt shows that you care, but you gotta be kind to yourself too. What happened can't be undone, but you can focus on learning from it. Take some time to reflect on why it happened and what you need moving forward to avoid repeating the same mistakes. It’ll take time to heal, and that’s okay. Forgiving yourself is important so you can grow from this and make better choices. You’re human, and everyone messes up, it’s all part of learning.

AviatorTom · Answer

We all make mistakes. What's important is what we do after the mistake. Breaking up with your boyfriend was the right thing to do. You don't owe him anything, he is now your ex. Best thing to do now is to find a new boyfriend, and concentrate only on him, learning from your earlier mistakes.

jewel · Answer

Yeah, you made a huge mistake, and it's hard to come back from that. You probably won’t fully get over it, especially since you hurt someone you truly care about. Guilt can be a tough thing to shake. What you can do now is reflect on why it happened and focus on learning from it. Growth takes time, but by understanding your actions, you can work on becoming a better version of yourself and avoid making the same mistake again.

DishLady · Answer

There’s no need to tell him anything anymore. You’ve broken up and came clean to him (for be most part), which is the only fair and correct thing to do.

What’re you doing with this new guy, then? You messed with him and dissolved your relationship because of him. Any interest in pursuing that? It’s a logical option.

Or just step away from that entire group and find someone new.

coachTanthony · Answer

"I deeply love my boyfriend and our relationship has always been healthy and strong."

Tell him right away he needs to learn a lesson that he is a cuck in this relationship, not a leader, not a protector but a cuck.

Account · Answer

You don't deeply love your boyfriend. It really sucks when people lie to themselves.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

You need to realize you do not love your boyfriend deeply. If you did there is no way you would put your relationship in jeopardy. I really wish people would understand the difference between  love  and  like  lol. You  like  your boyfriend and he was probably a good partner and treated you good but no way in hell would you cheat not only once but twice with his friend if you actually cared or were in love with him. Realize that and stop being a hoe also if you can't behave yourself or you blackout stop drinking.

RHK36 · Answer

You only want to tell your truth to him for selfish reasons and not to make him feel better. So it sounds like you still aren't ready for anything real. Stay single and focus on yourself unless you're content with who you are. As you stand now you'll definitely cheat on him and the next poor guys. You can't feel that guilty when you do it multiple times and instead of leaving that broken man alone you wanna keep bothering him. Stop being toxic and leave him alone completely. If you really want to change then do it.

msc545 · Answer

You could do yourself and your boyfriend a favor by breaking up with him and letting it stayv that way. You clearly have a bit of an impulse disorder and until you get a handle on that and learn to control yourself, you're going to keep having trouble like this. Here's the bad news. If you get together with his friend and actually work out some sort of relationship you will then subsequently cheat on him too. You also haven't told us about all the other guys you've cheated on, but I'm sure there's a lot of them and this has become habitual with you. That should tell you something about the seriousness of this problem. Get professional help.

sawno · Answer

The issue was that you made choices to hide the truth rather than speaking the truth. And you betrayed yourself in a way by doing it. All I can advice you is to life with it and find peace in the growth that comes from this, become a better person so you can find healing in no longer being the same way.

JustinTheGreat · Answer

“I’m deeply in love” and sleeping with his friend TWICE are contradicting with each other lol.

but maybe if you confess all the truth, it will help you feel better. At the end of the day, you’re gonna continue feeling guilt no matter what. That’s usually what happens when we do shitty things…

Unit1 · Answer

"I cheated on my boyfriend" "I deeply love my boyfriend"

Anonymous · Answer

What is worse, whenever anyone asks if you have cheated you will at least repeat this to yourself and worst lie about it. Why can't people just man up and end a relationship first? Alcohol is no excuse.

Will this guilt prevent you from doing it to someone else? That is the question.

Anonymous · Answer

You deserve to feel guilty

The pain of being cheated on is unbearable and you did this to this poor guy twice with his fucking friend

Stay away from him please
look for excitement somewhere else , you are a dopamine addict

If you had sex with his friend again , it will not be the same

Even if you became in an open relationship you will still find ways to cheat , because it is the excitement that you are after

I have been in his exact situation and I am telling you , if you really care about him stay away from him
Let him move on

Billlewis · Answer

Don't feel like you're any less worthwhile because of this. Assuming you were undetected, don't be surprised if your lovemaking sessions with your husband are significantly more pleasurable.

Cheerfull009 · Answer

It is not mistake, you have intentionally had sex twice with other person , cheating your sincere boyfriend, you just bluffing the readers. you don't deserve apologize at all but if your boyfriend have some honor, he should kick on your ass and leave you

itsannalee · Answer

If you love him, you won’t cheat. You never love him enough, you just love your own self.

DryGermanGuy · Answer

„Oh, I fell over! Oh, I fell over again!“  - Austin Powers

katiesmuff · Answer

Your either a TROLL or one of the stupidest people on earth!

FreyaRed · Answer

"I deeply love my boyfriend..." and then you cheat? This makes this story even more sad if it's true.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Many lessons to learn which is the fruits. Take those and learn so wasn't a waste. No more alcohol other than w boyfriend.

LiamJHayden · Answer

"I made the same mistake again." No, you made the same  choice  again. The honorable thing to do would be to break up so he can find someone worthy of his attention.

Jackblue · Answer

Well the first time arguably the friend took advantage of you when you were drunk. Second time, women often feel close to men they previously had sex with sometimes even when it wasn't 100% consensual. Do you want your boyfriend back?

Yannae · Answer

You overcome it by confessing. If you TRULY love your boyfriend, confessing it is what you do. And you tell him everything.

EmmaMary · Answer

Congratulations on winning a  Troll  of the day award.

Firestar01 · Answer

1) you don't deeply love your boyfriend. Cheating is never a "mistake". It is a conscious decision. 2) You are a bad person and you should feel bad. Period.

Staximus · Answer

You don't love that guy. If you really loved him, you would have been thinking about him when you were drunk instead of just thinking about getting your muffin buttered.

Nikki1989 · Answer

You have dug a very large hole for yourself here.

DrPepper12 · Answer

If it's eating you up inside tell him.

Anonymous · Answer

To love means never lying or cheating. Now you know that a fleeting moment of lust was not worth it, and you must live with the repercussions.

Anonymous · Answer

There is no need to tell him anything. I recommend you repent and turn to God and seek the Kingdom though.

dazzafromoz · Answer

You are just a normal person who made a mistake. Find out how to make peace with that and move on. You can't take it back.

missindiana93 · Answer

Deal with the pain of losing him. You made the choice to cheat.

SoJust · Answer

You can get out of this situation by accepting your behavior.

leiley · Answer

The truth is, you probably won’t fully get over it. Guilt sticks, especially when you care deeply. What you can do is try to grow from this so you don’t repeat the mistake.

gorydetails · Answer

You break up and let him find a decent woman.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Tell him everything and begin the healing process. The past can't changed now.

Crazzyyworld · Answer

that’s good. It good for both of you. You should find more excitement and leave him alone.

Hotboy_booblover · Answer

Same mistake repeated twice doesn't qualify as a mistake

jaythewhoo · Answer

Some Time the biggest turn on can be cheated on you should of offered to tell him the details while he gets off

sparkybaby · Answer

I think you should tell him that you cheated on him, because either way he’s going to hear it from someone else.

MyBrainsInsaneReign · Answer

What was the worst part that you left out? That you cheated with his friend? Or something else?

Anonymous · Answer

LOL breakup with him, you would feel a lot better when you get rid of him. Trust me. It’s hard, but you will!! It will linger when you stay!!

MasterKS · Answer

Accept what you are rather than being a different person!

ThatDuckling · Answer

Leave him, you don’t deserve him and you’ve done a horrible thing

Anonymous · Answer

Well, you could start by telling him what you did...

HawkPerception · Answer

You'll get no sympathy from me.

SugarSugarplum · Answer

Once you cheat, you are no longer a girlfriend.

snowboarder720 · Answer

Sounds like you didn’t really love him.

WhitneySnow · Answer

That depends. What was the worst part?

Agape93 · Answer

You betrayed him twice, you owe him the truth

Anonymous · Answer

I've done that as a teenager. Not cool at 40.

Anonymous · Answer

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I cheated on my boyfriend. How should I overcome this guilt?

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