Should I consider dating a guy that falls in love with every girl who pays him attention?

[Anonymous]

He is smart, good looking, ambitious and well mannered but lacks dating experience. Since he feels very lonely all the time and due to his low self esteem he worships every girl that shows the tiniest amount of interest in him. I would like to get to know him better but I am afraid that he would only date me because he believes he can't get anyone better and later regret it once he has built confidence and replace me by a woman he is really attracted to. What would you do?

[serious]

The answer to your question is No. While it is good that he treats a woman well and nicely but then if he really goes to the extent that he " worships" every woman who treats him well then that is a very bad sign.

Why? it is simple that is because he likes to put the woman on a pedestal which is never the best way to go about things especially in dating scenarios. This also means he is too nice, way too nice as a guy which in turn indicates that he will ignore the red flags, will accept all the flaws and the bad behavior of the woman if she ever displays this. It indicates he won't have the courage to end things, he won't have the courage to stand up for himself and do what is correct. This is also indicates he is not likely to have much self respect. He may not know his worth.

Being too nice like this is highly unattractive and does not do any good to the person themselves.

I am sure no woman would want a man like that who simply does not have self respect and accepts everything, a man who is too forgiving and nice.

Hence the answer is No.

[Jamie05rhs]

This is a really good question. Thank you for asking.
I've wondered about this before as well.

For me, I try to be very careful about this, for the very reason that you described. I don't want to settle for someone that I'm not really into, and then later on get bored with her because I'm more successful and I've got a big head.

This is why I never date anyone who is not what I am looking for. I know what I'm looking for. I'm very attuned to myself and what type of woman I want in my life. Some people give me grief and they say that my standards are too high. But I don't care. I have to stay true to myself.

Sometimes people say that I'm overshooting my level. Well, maybe I am at the moment [2023], but I'm not overshooting my level long-term. I know my worth. I know the potential that I have. (I know that I haven't quite lived up to it as of yet; and yes, I'm a little disappointed in myself.)

But see, here's the thing: this is also a test. I'm using this position of weakness to my advantage. Because if a girl falls in love with me, I will know that she really loves me for who I am. I don't have to worry about gold-diggers and bandwagoners.

[Asker]

What are the women in your life lacking?

[Jamie05rhs]

Well, hmmmm... haha. That a very interesting question!
I guess I don't really have any women in my life.
... Well, I have a few. But they're just friends. (Meaning friendzoned from my side. Not from her side.)

But what are they lacking?
Well, they're either just business associates, too old, not enough in common, married/taken, or a combination of the above.

[Jamie05rhs]

The women that I would actually be interested in -- that I'm attracted to -- aren't really in my life.
They may have been previously in other era, but we haven't kept up.
Others I'm aware of their existence but I've just never met them personally before.
Still others may be out there but I'm just not aware of their existence.

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks for the MHO!

[Chevy1_kb]

um no incase he likes attention and goes with them i thought my rd was a nice guy that only loved me even though he got a lot of attention for his body cock looks he just through himself at them right away them fuck having a guy like that unless you get to know him first before you dive in to quick and see if he's trust worthy its quit hard to find a trust worthy man now a days wich is why am just stating single for now and dont bother with dating sites not all men are like this a good few are nice and trust worthy but trying to find one is hard especially in Glasgow where I live my ex through himself at every girl 2 girls behind my back then we just called it quits it ended a bad way anyway arguing fighting so basically now we are just friends with benifits still hang out and sleep together but no way getting back together a went through therapy and everything to stop liking him

[Ozanne]

If you like him enough, sure, but take it very, very slow. He has to learn some basic relationship skills and how to respect the relationship he's in. Don't be that easy catch that he might think of himself as. Show him that the best things are worth waiting for, and starting out slow and getting to know each other is how he can realize that you can't snap your fingers and be "in love" so easily.

It sounds to me like he's had some experiences (or issues?) in the past that make him a bit clingy when it comes to love, searching for it, and feeling it very fast instead of nurturing it properly so it's strengthened. Usually abandonment issues and several major disappointments early in life can make someone feel like they are always hunting for love to make up for the things they haven't dealt with.

[coachTanthony]

I would get to know them just like anyone else because everyone has something going on so go see for yourself then make an informed opinion.

[Anonymous]

“ low self esteem he worships every girl that shows the tiniest amount of interest in him”

Well you are making a major assumption about him here. Sure there are signs he might be like this but his actual outlook on things could be much more complex.

I got a feeling he has mommy issues (takes one to know one). While that’s not your problem it’s no joke either.

This is something that society pays little attention to (and often mocks men with this problem) but it has a very real impact on male perspectives of women and relationships.

If that’s the case that is something he needs to work on with counseling. It’s likely rooted in his childhood. He’s not beyond repair but it needs to be addressed.

[Asker]

his best friend told me that about him so it is not just an assumption. also he used to stalk several women he had crushes on obsessively

[Opinion Owner]

Well his best friend really isn’t a best friend if he divulged (is if a he?) that confidential information about him. If my best friend said something like to a love interest I would be furious.

But is his best friend a man or a woman? If it’s a man there could be a different problem going on.

[Opinion Owner]

Just saying no true male buddy would EVER tell his friend’s live interest like that. That’s a number one violation of the bro code. Good chance this other guy might secretly be interested in you and that’s a huge betrayal.

But if his best friend is a woman that’s a sign of a different problem. Men should never be best friends with woman they have platonic relationships with (I am sure you will disagree but there is a reason for this). A man should only be best friends with his wife or long time gfs. So there is another problem of it came form a woman (she might secretly want him too).

[Opinion Owner]

*friend’s love interest.

[Asker]

His best friend didn't know that he was interested in me

[Asker]

His best friend is a guy

[Opinion Owner]

That’s still shitty. Really shitty of his best friend. He shouldn’t be gossiping about him like that. That’s highly confidential information and it damages his friend’s reputation when it got out.

I feel bad for this guy. He can’t even trust his male buddies. Now he’s dealing with betrayal.

[Asker]

They were fighting over another girl and had beef. that might be why he was willing to talk shit about him

[Asker]

He probably doesn't know about anything his friend told me about him

[Opinion Owner]

Well the consider the source. The source has a vested interest in making him look bad. The source is also untrustworthy.

That’s deep stuff he should have never told you. Even if he was pissed off. But it could also be exaggerated.

Nah you make your judgments on how he behaves vs. “what you heard”. That poisoned the well.

But honest with me. Have you messed around with his friend at all? Your anon so tell the truth.

[Asker]

I also heard the same from another guy from their circle of friends who did not have beef with him

[Asker]

I don't know his friends very well and I'm was never interested in them

[Asker]

i also overheard his best friend talk with him about the stalking way before their argument so he didn't just make it up

[Opinion Owner]

Well talk is cheap. You judge this guy on what you see and how he behaves. Not say you should completely ignore what you heard. But don’t let that poison the well.

[Asker]

I also don't seem to be his usual type. He only follows extremely thin and tall white women. I am a woc and petite and curvy

[Opinion Owner]

He “only follows” of course. by the way height does NOT matter to 99% of men out there. Also skin color is also a lesser issue than you otherwise believe. Women think about that a lot more than men do. Especially height.

However to be brutally honest we do pay attention to body shape. Not always a deal breaker but it does factor in.

How about this. Tell him he can be completely honest about what he wants from you and you 100% promise not judge him if he tells you something you don’t want to hear. If he wants just a best female friend he can hit it with when he has the need then fine. Let him tell you the truth. You don’t have to go along with it or course. But just don’t get angry if you don’t like what he says.

[Asker]

he just wants someoen to love him and at the moment he is so desperate that he would even take a girl he is not that attracted to he considers "mid"

[Asker]

i can never get an honest answer of him as long as he hasn't healed. so i don't know if he would just go with me out of desperation or if i was the exception to his rule

[Opinion Owner]

“ he just wants someoen to love him and at the moment he is so desperate that he would even take a girl he is not that attracted to he considers "mid”

Remember you developed that judgment based on others words not your own personal interactions with him.

You can do what you want. But think of WHY he wouldn’t give you an honest answer. Do you think he enjoys being judged by others the way he has? Do you realize what that does to his pride and self-esteem when he gets labeled “desperate”. It’s a vicious form of bullying and ends becoming a self fulfilling prophecy for some guys.

Also you completely assuming he will date you. No guarantees.

I recommend you get to know him better and take it slowly. Also realize your opinion of him was influenced by outside sources. No guarantee they are reliable. His best friend really isn’t a friend at all if he talked of his buddy like that. There is a bro code for that and he completely violated it.

[Asker]

He used to have a crush on me after I smiled at him once …. All his friends teased him about it

[Opinion Owner]

Well remember the truth is in the middle. It’s not like you can read the complexity of his mind or understand his experiences. Sure he likes you but still let’s hold your horses on being certain he’s “desperate”. Lonely and desperate often go hand in hand but not always. It’s possible to be lonely but not desperate.

Also what you are saying about him is VERY harsh judgment. Very. Women can be behave similarly to how’s he’s acting and they might get labeled sad, annoying or at worse pathetic. But men like this get labeled much worse (potential stalkers, losers, creeps, etc.). He gets less societal leeway to show his insecurities vs. his female counterpart.

Anyway I get it that you don’t want to be taken advantage of and left heart broken. But they’re more variables working here than you realize. Try to judge this guys actions and behavior vs. “the feeling” you have about him which is heavily based on other people’s opinions of him. Try to be fair.

[Opinion Owner]

And this guy really needs some better friends. Really. He would be better off being a complete loner vs having dbag “friends” treating him the way you described. Some horseplay among guys happens but his “best” friend did with trash talking him was next level.

Anyway they’re only compounding his insecurities. I feel sorry for him.

[Monalisa77]

Dont u think thats sad if he's desperate to find love? Maybe he's depressed?

[Asker]

@Monalisa77 he is not depressed he just suffers from blue balls

[Opinion Owner]

@asker I think of a part you feels conflicted on all of this. It’s not your job to help him either.

But you are single too and a part of you is interested in him. But you have made a lot of assumptions of how the future could work out like it’s set in stone. It’s not.

My advice is to slowly get to know him. You admitted he’s got some qualities. But you also developed a perception of his faults mostly based on others opinions of him vs. your direct interaction. That’s not fair to him or you actually. It could be a good a thing to get to know him.

[Asker]

Well he developed a crush on me just because I smiled at him once so my opinion is not merely based on gossip

[Opinion Owner]

He found you attractive well before you smiled at him. And don’t count yourself just because you don’t “match” the girls he follows on IG or something. That’s ridiculous.

I’ve had crushes on women who don’t follow the stereotypical profile of my preferences. For example I like petite yet athletic and energy body types (gymnast body). But I’ve had crushes on tall women as well. Just because women obsess about height doesn’t mean men do.

Also I am light colored hair and blue eyes. Sure I would like a blonde girl who looks similar. But I’ve dated attractive latino and Asian women and had real feelings for them. Men are less picky about race than women think (ironically women think more about race when they date although they won’t admit it).

[Siochfhradha]

@Asker - kindly try to think of other people. You have said elsewhere that you don't want to be this guy's friend, you merely want to give him some attention & fuck him. . You're contributing nothing of value to his life so keep moving... let him find a GOOD woman who'll contribute to his life and help him... not some cheap slut that is attracted to his looks

[Asker]

Who says I couldn't add value to his life? You know nothing about me

[Siochfhradha]

Like what?

[Siochfhradha]

When you admit you're merely pursuing him as a fuck buddy saying to someone else "I don't want to be his friend" so what value are you going to be adding to his life that he can't get from a prostitute?

[Asker]

I never said that. You did

[EricSummer]

It's quite understandable that he craves female attention by now. I think you should not hold this against him. Even if other girls have passed him by so far, you may find him a loyal partner.

While he easily falls in love he could then form a durable bond especially as intimacy and sex will be new and intense for him.

Dating always carries a risk but I think if you take it slow you will soon see if he gets properly attached to you.

I think it is a risk worth taking.

[cnj421]

Why would you want to be with someone who is only with you because they feel like they can’t do any better? And why would you want to be with someone that has low self-esteem? Don’t you want better for yourself? I’d focus on your own self-worth and why you think it’s okay to lower yourself to those standards.

[Asker]

That is the problem. Since he is thankful for any girl he can get I can't tell if he would be interested in me even if he was more confident. So I don't know if it is worth pursuing him

[Asker]

I don't want him because he has low self esteem and tbh I don't mind if he has low self esteem, I like him regardless

[cnj421]

I’m not saying you want him bc he has low self esteem. I’m saying you are settling for something less than you deserve because why would you be with someone with such low self esteem that they seek out attention from all other women. This is definitely not worth pursuing. The fact is he isn’t more confident. So it doesn’t matter if he would be infested in you if he were or weren’t more confident. This is about the fact that you’ve realized he has an issue that would cause problems in a relationship. So not material for a partner.

[Asker]

I noticed that he has become more confident lately and most men peak in their thirties.

[Monalisa77]

So I have low self esteem does thT mean I should give up too?

[cnj421]

Okay well if you see that he’s working on it that’s great. But I’m still worried about a couple things: 1) you saying he falls for every girl that gives him attention cause then I’m worried he won’t be faithful. And 2) you feeling like he would only be with you cause he can’t do any better because that’s not a great foot to start a relationship on. There’s just so much in your posts that leads me to believe this isn’t going to be a good situation.

[Monalisa77]

From someone who does the same, it doesn't mean they would cheat.

[jshm2]

Why the hell do you want to inherit this mentally retarded, potential stalker?

He clearly has issues, you clearly are no mental health professional. You've been reading too much of that Twilight shit, in thinking you're going to "change" him. When in fact you're going to cause problems for you both.

Life tip, kid. When you see problems, don't go in thinking you're mother Theresa or Batman. Not every problem you see, is your problem to solve.

[Asker]

He is very smart but has been neglected in his childhood. I've liked him a long time before I found that out about him and I really don't want to change him and I wouln't ask if I wasn't genuienly attracted to him

[Siochfhradha]

@jshm2 - are you are idiot? She doesn't have to be a mental health professional. She merely has to be a good person which is far more than you, with your rotten personality, can say you're capable of.

[blueonblack22]

@jshm2 so you think this guy is beyond hope?

She could be misreading and misjudging him. But even if she right about him, he still seems like he’s got his act together otherwise. It’s not like he’s a bum or living in his parents basement.

There are way worse guys out there than what she described (that many women date anyways).

[Anonymous]

Silly girl. Your own self-esteem is in the toilet too, isn't it? You're missing an opportunity. You're the mama duck, and he's the duckling. You imprint yourself on him, essentially making him love you like no other because he's never experienced real, deep love. Make him crazy for you and he'll never want to leave, no matter how pretty some other girls look. If you're going to ask me, how do you DO that, please don't. You're the female, it's in your nature (when you're not insecure and have confidence). Ask other women who know how this is done. There are also hundreds of books on the subject.

[Nifrayu]

I'm not going to tell you not too, because I believe everyone deserves a chance. Even people with attachment issues.

If you decide to date him, I recommend taking this very slow. Make sure you are always honest with him. People like this tend to get hurt very easily. And absolutely do not tell him you love him, unless you really really mean it.

If he becomes too clingy make sure to tell him. He might not realize that he is clingy at all.

[Asker]

Do you think men like him tend to be or are more likely to be cheaters?

[Nifrayu]

No. I don't think so.

[blueonblack22]

he could end up being a diamond in the rough.

[Monalisa77]

Wow, so I may aswell give up finding anyone. one of the reasons I tend to like guys a lot the minute they show affection is cos I lack affection elsewhere in my life. My parents never give it, it doesn't mean I would cheat once I find someone

[Asker]

would you also like a guy that you would consider "ugly" otherwise?

[Monalisa77]

I have liked really hot guys but I've also liked lesser looking guys too, the one I've started liking recently is good looking but he's not been like other guys I've liked, dont know him well enough yet to decide if its just the attention i liked or him. U should show him he's better than the rest of the girls

[Monalisa77]

*your ffs

[MJtheCoach]

NO! LOL sounds like he's an 0verweight l0zer SIMP with zero options. I think the girls he dates are all 2's at best.

for a lot of guys & girls, you can checkout.. www.milademjay.com

[Asker]

He is athletic actually but that doesn't mean anything if you don't have confidence and rizz

[MJtheCoach]

I know you girls are hard on men because of social media and the fatherless feminie guys who can't stop k1ssing women's a22. But confidence comes from experience and getting burned in life for men. So clearly he's not experienced.

[Anonymous]

Imagine being so fucking privileged that you could reject a woman for being too hot etc.

I have absolutely no sympathy what so ever for all the women out there who are clawing each others eyes out to get abused by the top 10% of men.

You deserve everything you get, except child benefit ofcourse, why the fuck am I paying for you to be dumb as fuck?

[HateyouxD]

Wait until he heals. Go slow suggest therapy for him since you know all of this about him. I'm the same as this guy and I've been in therapy and healing. I feel a lot better about myself and my standards are higher too

[Asker]

Is there a way to find out if he really finds me interesting before he has healed?

[HateyouxD]

Why do you want to know if he's into you before he healed? You can ask him

[Asker]

I don't want to have my heart broken if he turns out not to like me anymore after having healed

[Asker]

And I can't ask him because his judgement is clouded. What if he only wants to date models once he becomes confident?

[HateyouxD]

It's okay. Honestly growing is all about living life. Deep down do you really want to use him because he's insecure. I know you don't but it's coming off that way that you're scared he will discard you. Do you really want to be with someone who won't like you for you? If he turns out to not like you anymore than that's good he won't use you. But that's a risk you might have to do for love. He seems like a good person just extra affectionate I don't think he will discard someone genuinely into him

[HateyouxD]

He might think you're a model girl. Stop it

[Asker]

No I don’t want to use him. And I’m unattractive since most men are not attracted to me at all

[HateyouxD]

Don't be desperate either just because you think he will take you because he may be desperate. Trust me not a good combo

[HateyouxD]

You seem like a nice girl I'm sure he will date you you just have to ask

[Batsy01010101]

@HateyouxD How old is he? How long have you been with him?

[provokeesmokee]

I mean, maybe that happens, but he probably wouldn't?

Also even if he does, is the chance of that happening so big or so significant to you that taking the chance to be happy is pointless?

Probably not.

Date 'im. Then decide.

[FlutteringFeelings]

Listen to your intuition. If you have to question then there’s something that you may have to look into more before invested too much time. You see the signs so if you decide to move forward it’s a choice.

[CaptainOverthink]

I think you should determine from his personality, if he is thinking in longterm about you (is he figuring out your traits) or if the conversation simply goes everywhere.

[Asker]

He really is thinking about longterm about every girl that is nice to him :D

[CaptainOverthink]

Then, I would advice to take it real slow with him. Even if it risks him going for something quick and superficial. In a way, he might go for the easiest, but in the end he will crave quality.

[CaptainOverthink]

Actually, maybe you should weigh your desire versus the risk he will go with whoever decides to grab him.

If he is desirable by others too then if he isn't that easy to get to initiate intimate situations with because of his lack of experience, then who ever will either do that for him or whoever sets up a situation where he can easily comit will be the one that will get to try him on for size.

The risk is that he may be too quick to comit once he does and it may take a while for him to come out of whatever he goes into.
Or, he gets more confidence than he is used to handling and spins off course, if he's not used to being confident then he may do rash and too fast decisions.

It's a skill to learn how to manage your state of mind in different conditions and emotional states, which can only be done through experience and internal vigilance.

I'm currently in sort of an opposite seat from you. Lots of interest around, options. But I lack positive dating-experience which makes me overly cautious to do the right thing in respect to all parties involved. Very open-minded and thinking long-term.
Not necessarily romanticly interested in everyone kind to me but not crossing anyone off the board either.

[Reem12345reem]

there's a million guy other than him , why would u settle for a guy who's most likely to cheat or fall in love with other girls easily? that will be such a headache for u

[Asker]

He crushes on every nice girl because he needs affection. If I would show him that he is a great guy maybe he wouldn’t need reassurance from other women

[Monalisa77]

Im the same as him but i wouldn't cheat

[chrissykerdock]

if you really want him give him lots of fellatio no man can resist a girl who's willing to do that for him

[Anonymous]

Don't do this to yourself. Guys like that cheat at the first opportunity because they think they "deserve" it as low self esteem guys

[Meropatrick]

There was a word that describes a guy like him. Its a Player. This will help summarise the paragraghs u wrote about This matter. Some guys r players and not marriage material. Move on

[Asker]

How is he a player if he falls in love with every woman that smiles at him?

[Monalisa77]

Lol not true at all

[OfMiceandMen]

I would be weary of someone like that. If you aren't paying enough attention to him, he may very be off with someone else in no time.