Should I even initiate plans for this date if he hasn’t texted back in two days?

[Anonymous]

We match on tinder, he texted me and asked me if we matched on tinder. We ended things back in February ( a talking stage) because of stuff he had going on mentally. We planned to go to the movies today and he hasn’t texted back since this past Friday even though he said he would stay in touch to make sure he can go to the movies this Monday (today) . What should I do with this?

[MrOracle]

I'm going to take a wild guess and say that the reason you matched with him on Tinder is because he is handsome. Clearly, his personality and his priorities are lacking, so why would you even consider him... oh, that's right, he's handsome.

The lesson here is that handsome guys are used to getting a pass for everything because of their looks, and if you don't go on a date with him, there are 500 other matches who will... because he's handsome.

If you pick guys for shallow reasons - especially if you are doing so on Tinder of all places, I'm not sure why you would expect any other results. But let me tell you what would happen if you went on the date: he'd be pressuring you to have sex, and if you didn't, you would never hear from him again. But he would make it known that he has other options, and would do his best to manipulate your desire not to "lose him," so you would probably give in. And then either you don't ever hear from him again, or you get added to his rotation until some friction develops and he replaces you.

Good thing he's handsome!

[Shanigal313]

She never brought up his looks and if that’s the case why aren’t men giving unattractive women a chance? There’s plenty of unattractive women with great personalities that can’t find a man because they’re chasing more attractive women.

[MrOracle]

Setting aside the top 10% men - who can get the hottest girls - most guys are definitely willing to go down in looks to get a girl with the right morals, values and life goals. The problem is that even girls who are average or even below average looking all think they can get a top 10% guy (and by "get", I mean get a serious, long-term relationship commitment from), and "refuse to settle" for average guys, even average guys who are clearly above their level. And they usually have no idea of what men want and no desire to learn. The exceptions rarely have a problem getting a relationship.

[Asker]

@Mroracle yes he is attractive and looks so matter to me but he is definitely not top 10% . He has red flags to him in regards to physical looks but I set those aside. His personality is a huge turn off but again I gave him the benefit of the doubt because no one is perfect. He is officially crossed off my list now.

[Asker]

And side note, no one should settle for someone they are unattracted to. I take care of my looks and I don’t care for men that don’t take care of theirs. I feel like a lot of men that don’t take care of their looks feel like women should settle for an “average man” whatever that means. Looks so matter.

[Asker]

Do matter*

[MrOracle]

You said that he had red flags that you ignored - why would you ignore them? It's because of his looks. Instead of making a man's morals, values and life goals your top criteria, you focus on his looks. And as long as you do that, you will get used and discarded, again and again. Of course, you will blame that on the men, but it will be your own fault.

You think you can find everything you want in one perfect package, but that doesn't exist. No one gets that. To get more of something, you inevitably get less of something else. You clearly aren't willing to go down in looks, so get used to guys with low morals and values and incompatibile life goals. Keep racking up more bodies and more emotional trauma - that will increase your market value, right?

I'm trying to give you advice to achieve success, but you don't want to hear it. Fine. Keep doing it your way. Just don't expect your results to change.

[Verdepaws]

Im sorry. I can understand your bewuilderment. I've been divorced for several years and been on/off online dating apps and conclude that its a hellish jungle. I've been there, done that, felt that, and have found my own way of handling.


First off i had to make peace w the fact that OLD is RIFE w flaking, ghosting, dry texting, bread crumbing, scammers, married people. And it gets worse as you age.


Sounds like you have a flaker n ghoster situation. And its nothing youve done my dear. Working on a mental condition is just one of thousands of excuses people think up to remove themselves from accountibilty. Youve been ghosted and flaked on, and he knows exactly what he did.


One poster assumed he was good looking and that LESS-goodlooking men would have better manners.
WRONG! They dont.



I have found helpful:
Growing a thick skin
Persistence
Patience
Text thoughtfully while remaining authentic
Stay emotionally unattached until you become exclusive
Stay on the app message system until you have an actual date.
Chat w several men at the same time and dont be averse suggesting a meet up at a nice well lit affordable place.
Keep dating several men (so sex) until one wants to go exclusive. And be 100% present on each date.
Keep plugged into yourself until you become exclusive w someone responsive, accountible, and who treats you like you matter.
Those are a few strategies tgat helped me navigate the on line dating jungle

[Verdepaws]

**NO sex rather than (so sex)

[Ozanne]

Nothing. Move on. He's already shown you once that he's got some problems, and now he's not interested enough to contact you about a date? If you're hanging on to this, hoping things turn out, then think about what will your relationship be like if you get involved. You'll likely be in for a lot of ups and downs and it will all be stressful, with you always wondering what to do. You'd be dodging a bullet if you just end things before they start.

[Inbox]

In my experience, man or woman, if someone doesn’t go out with you the first time, it’s usually a dud and you’re better off with someone who actually respects your time.

Understand, if someone blows you off, it is THEIR responsibility to explain. If they don’t have the maturity or common sense to do that after trying to reach out to you again, that’s a major red flag.

There are always exceptions: I had a girl who I approached at a grocery store text me a whole month later explaining that she had a family emergency (father was at the hospital), which is why she never got back to me - normally, I would have dropped the girl, but regardless, I we had a good time that night 😉 Why didn’t she just tell me that from the beginning when I texted her I’m not sure and never asked.

[OlderAndWiser]

The guy has mental problems and they aren’t resolved. Keep looking.

[coachTanthony]

We deserve what we tolerate in life. So here we are.

[fuddly]

You said it

[Changiis07]

I wouldn't he said he would stay in touch so you want to see if he will do what he says

[Asker]

Agreed, thanks for this. Second time where he hasn’t stuck to his word

[sennorita]

No don't text him. Because bo man is ever busy for his girl. And as you said he hurted you mentally, girl just his dumb ass and leave him. He doesn't intended to take things forward with you; if he wanted to be with you he wouldn't have hurted you at the first place. My girl I'm telling you from own experience let him rott in hell. And you just focus on yourself and upgrade yourself not only physically but spiritually also. All the best for your future, may universe help you to make the right decisions for you sweetie.

[Asker]

I love you ❤️

[sennorita]

Love you too sweetheart ❤️

[PatientZeR0]

Plan on going to the regardless movies. If he doesn’t contact you just go by yourself…movies are way fun alone!


Just shoot him a text that morning and tell him that you still on going and would like him to come with. If he doesn’t respond text and say you enjoyed reconnecting and that you hope he’s ok and that you’re not taking it personal.


Then go have a self care going to the theater and seeing any movie you want stress free.

[Asker]

Thank you for the idea! Next time I’ll definitely do that, especially because it’s a movie I really wanted to see

[Peter_Penetrator]

Text him and ask how he is doing. Let him know you were concerned about him.


Then see where the interaction leads. If it is in a positive direction, ask if he is still interested in a date.


This way you show him some empathy and by doing so you are doing a good thing.


Hopefully he will appreciate your gesture.


This world needs more empathetic people.


Maybe he needs it too.

[PatientZeR0]

I agree. Empathy is missing especially in the dating world, and everyone takes everything so personal.

[Nikki1989]

Didn't you read her post? Texting is a big reason why she is in this mess in the first place.

[Peter_Penetrator]

Yes. I read her post. By her showing empathy, and him reading it, there is always the chance that he will text her back knowing she is concerned for him.

[ShadowYamihiro]

Nothing to be honest, don't plan anything until you talk to him and really confirm things. But also tbh if he didn't text you once even though you should go out together kinda feel like that date ain't gonna happen. I mean lets be honest, it isn't that hard to say something in a text or simply say hello, talk a tiny bit and end with have a nice day or see you on Monday

[StormChaser838]

Don't jump to conclusions, try and find out what is going on with him first, but don't bug him but coming on too strong. Give him a little time and space,,,,, but after that, move on. Fuck him, there is an ocean of fish to fry.

[Asker]

I’ll jumping to conclusions because it’s the second time he has done this lol right after he said sorry for doing exactly this. He is on my “hell no” list now

[Anpu23]

Text him, saying. "Are we still on? If I don't hear back I'll assume that its no. Thank you."

If you don't hear back just move on.

[crystalline0909]

No. If you don't cross his mind even once a day... he is not that into you. No one is too busy for a simple text or call

[Nikki1989]

Tinder, texting?

You might as well give up now. Jeez!

[Nikki1989]

Doesn't anyone on this site know how to actually talk?

[Asker]

Personally I don’t owe him a response. I don’t want to talk to someone that is too pussy to say how they feel and actually do what they say. I’ve talked enough

[Malaika99]

he makes plans that he doesn't honor in the short term, will he respect them in the long term? I do not think so

[provokeesmokee]

Check in to see if you're on, it's good to check in for sure.

[ShesRad80]

block him and move on, he is class less, sounds like he more or less is ghosting you

[pethouse]

In all honesty it sounds like he’s ether not ready or that he’s looking at other options. Both are possibilities.

[Asker]

Well so am I lol so he’s out. The lack of adult communication on his end scares me

[ponybabies]

I would since you guys had something planned. Maybe say you have something going on and wanted to confirm the day still. Is he recently single?

[Jkgordon]

HELL TO THE NIIIZZZZOOOO
YOU LOOK PATHETIC AND DESPERATE @ @

[Areis]

No. Do not initiate. He’s not interested. If he were interested he would text back and wouldn’t have left you hanging. For some reason he wasn’t brave enough to tell you but no. Don’t text him. If he wants to he’ll get on contract with you

[OddBeMe]

Was it a question you texted and he hasn’t responded? Two days is a lot, and I’m schizoid. Lol

[okquy]

Wait for him to text you. If he does not text, seems like he’s playing games. Take confusion, hesitation, procrastination as a no.

[Anonymous]

Send him a text and ask if he is still interested in meeting. If you get no reply, then move on.

[Runningmc]

Nope


Don’t waste your time and emotions, that’s a sign it’s not gonna lead anywhere

[pianogirlmeow]

why would anyone do that

[ohmyguy]

nah... they lost interest in u..

[Sparkie460]

Forget him and move on. He's unreliable

[Christoff92]

Wait until he text back. Or just call it off.

[shades777]

do what you want to do and see what happens

[LunarEclipse433]

Wait if you want or forget him and move on

[BigRed1987]

Nope. He’s not interested, move on

[CubaPirate]

Forget about him and move

[ritz_]

he's not interested.

[Asker]

Yeah thankfully I’m no longer interested in someone that says sorry and does exactly what they are sorry for again the same day lol

[Unknownuser38282]

I guess it's a red flag

[no_feet_pics]

Of course not.

[zillllll]

Lol nope

[fuddly]

Delete him