Online dating first message?

[eddie83]

Ladies I don't get to go out much at all to meet anyone, so I've been trying to do online. What gets your attention when a guy messages you.

[AmandaYVR]

Here's some random suggestions:

• Specificity. It's better to be specific than to be generic. In the fiction writing world, it's recommended to not worry too much about alienating some readers because of specificity. It actually does the opposite. Others feel your passion, and can become interested in something that is new them. (In theory, lol. I'm like this. I watch documentaries on things I wasn't interested in before. And occasionally a person's interest/passion influences me. Not often, but it can happen.)
• Give something about yourself, then ask something. Don't do one or the other.
• When you ask qs, ask open-ended ones, preferably. Not ones that can be answered with a yes or no.
• I hate to say this, but compliment them. But it has to be genuine, you have to really mean it. It's better to comment on something that is NOT about how they look. They probably get that too often from the lowest common denominator guys who aren't that smart. Try to garner what you can about their interests, personality, etc. by what they post.
• I, personally, like people who message me fairly lengthy and involved paragraphs. It piques my interest much more. If all I get is a "hey" I will feel like they're pinging to see what mood I'm in, and they don't want to be intrusive, or to waste too much time on people who may never respond, so they start small. I get it. If you don't know the person, there's some logic to that. And if they do know me, they're checking in, and want to see if I'm up for a conversation. But generally speaking, I like more of a, "Hey, I was thinking about this thing lately. Wanted to get your thoughts on it." That's fun to me. Or, "I came across this, and really liked it. Though you might too." These are obviously for when you know each other a little or a lot, but I find most people don't do that, but it's the most enticing to me. The shorter the message, the more I will wait to respond until I am in the right kind of mood to be upbeat or can be responsive to whatever they seem to want to talk about.
• Also, send media. Pictures, links, videos, something cool, beautiful, funny. As long as the videos are not too long. Don't give them homework or a commitment that they have to process to respond. Just things that are easy. It pulls the attention off of you, and them, and it's a way to see if you have any common interests.

[eddie83]

Thanks

[AmandaYVR]

You're welcome.

[catarecute]

i am doing online dating atm cuz i am being stalked and dont go out much cuz of it. i think what i like to see in men is when they dont put pressure on me to meet them. when they dont ghost me. when they dont ask questions like as if i am in a job interview.

[eddie83]

I don't like to pressure either. I'm just trying to get them to actually respond. 😪 I have been taking care of my sick mom for 2 1/2 years and now she's on hospice and it's like my brain is dead from lack of socializing and meeting anyone

[catarecute]

same i am recovering from trauma cause by some stalker. i want to get married and have kids but i think as long as i have kids i am ok with not getting married cuz i have lost hope in men.

[eddie83]

Not all men are terrible. Some of us are actually pretty awesome!! Hell I cook clean work take care of people I care about, and still get the short end of the stick.

[catarecute]

well dating sites are not the best place to meet men but unfortunately i can't go out anywhere because i am stalked by some guy and possibly his wife as well and it seriously freaks me out.

[Anonymous]

If he’s willing to know me and my family and asks questions about it that would get my attention because it means he wants to make a longterm relationship with me!

[eddie83]

What about initial message?

[Opinion Owner]

Say “ I like you” 😂

[Opinion Owner]

You can also say “ You’ve bewitched me body and soul”