Guys, Post first date communication?

[Anonymous]

I went out on a date with a man on Friday and it went really well (it lasted about 6 hours) and we kissed at the end. He made a few references to subsequent dates. He’s a little bit older (early forties) and I noticed before his texting was pretty cut and dry but he would wish me a good morning and ask questions about me etc.

He asked me to let him know when I made it home and I did and told him I had a great time etc. he texted yesterday morning as usual and yesterday evening but both were shorter interactions which happens when he’s busy. He didn’t text this morning so I reached out and he responded but that was it.

Is this an indication that things are fizzling out? Or is it normal for communication to die down to some degree?

[SteveSmith1985]

Of course... It's hard to say without knowing all the details... but...

I wouldn't necessarily say that it's "normal for communication to die down" after an excellent first date. To me, this sounds like a guy who is interested in you. You two clearly had an excellent date. You aren't questioning whether or not he enjoyed your date as much as you did.

In fact, (much to his credit) this guy was very upfront and clear about hoping for future dates. Surely you must know how rare it is for people to be that upfront. Typically the big question after a first date is:

"Do they want to see me again? If so, then why didn't they SAY so? I'd like to see them again... but I'm not sure they want to see ME again... So I'm not going to take the risk of asking to see them again... I'm gonna wait, worry and wonder... and wonder."

You have all of that stuff settled already. You KNOW that he had a great time. You KNOW he wanted to see you again at the end of your date.

So the big question:

**What could POSSIBLY have changed in his head since the end of your date?**

The answer is that it is extremely unlikely that he feels any differently than when you saw him. It doesn't make any sense that he would go from happy and excited about seeing you again to "fizzling out" for no reason. I cannot imagine many reasons his feelings could possibly be different.

My guess is that your drop off in texting is a combination of two things. The first thing is likely simply the "busy day" thing. The second thing is... added stress and pressure (for both of you) to figure out how you two are supposed to relate to each other over text... now that your relationship has "grown" extremely fast during your six-hour date. You two covered a ton of ground in terms of "your relationship" during the date.

You two related to each other in a way that "clicked" perfectly when you were in person. Now you can't "go back" to relating to each other over text the same old way... because... so much has happened between you two when you were in person. Now you're both sorta... overthinking things trying to 'recalibrate' how you two are going to 'click' when you are talking... but not face-to-face.

Think of it as a sorta mutual performance anxiety. You're worrying about "what it means" that you two haven't texted as much. He is probably worrying about the exact same thing.

You had this wonderful date. Then... both kinda though: "ok... so... what can I text... that recaptures the way we clicked in person?"

My guess is that you are both overthinking it and worrying about why things are a little weird. Worrying will make each of you "act weird" over text.

In other words this is the adult equivalent of:

'The little boy flirts and teases the little girl he has a crush on in class... until her friends tell him that his crush likes him back. All of a sudden... they are super awkward with each other. They all-of-a-sudden don't know what to say and sit beside each other in awkward silence. The ONLY thing making it weird is too much pressure.'

I really think that you shouldn't read anything into the change in communication.

I do have advice for you. I'm not overly confident that you'll take the advice; but It's good advice.

You should explicitly ask him about this change. Acknowledge that communication seems to have changed since your date. Do it in a half-joking way. Do it in a serious way. Whichever way you'd like.
Hell... you might end up in a great conversation about how you two seem to not be having so many great conversations. Just be honest about how you feel. Put your cards on the table.

There are very good odds that he feels EXACTLY the same way as you do about... the whole thing. He probably has the same worries and frustrations about the recent communication. Talking about those worries will (should) actively help you both realize that you are both on the same page.

Overall, I think you have nothing to worry about :)