She cancelled our fourth date because she became ill, but is that really why?

Hello all, first post here. :) I recently came out of a relationship of 2 1/2 years back in May, and started seeing this girl who's in a similar situation. We're both 21, final years at different universities. I have a huge crush on her, and we kissed on dates 2 and 3 (okay date 3 was a snog!) and spoke to each other through the night afterwards. We haven't had sex yet.

To cut it short, everything was going so well - we both made it clear that we really liked each other and couldn't wait to see each other again. When she smiled at me her face would light up in this beautiful way I'd never seen it do before. We'd made plans to meet up on the weekend.

Throughout the week we were texting every day but then the day after our third date she fell silent. I asked her what was wrong over the phone and she said she was feeling ill and had to cancel our next meeting. I offered to bring her something to make her feel better through the recovery but she refused. A whole day passed without any communication. The next morning my friend convinced me to text her checking in if she was okay, and she replied a very short but quick text saying she was still ill. I wished her well again and joked (stupidly I guess) that I hoped she hadn't forgotten about me. Since she hasn't said anything back, and it's been a couple days.

Am I being paranoid? Is she really too ill all of a sudden to drop me a line, or has she lost interest? I find it hard to believe, as we really had something special the last time we saw each other. Or maybe heaven forbid she's scared to tell me it won't work out. I'm not by any means the perfect guy.

Either way, I wish she'd say something. It's made a huge lump in my stomach the last few days and I've been getting really sidetracked from my work! She's really all I can think about. Lame, I know, for a 21 year old. I've seen it all before, yet for some reason keep getting caught in the love trap!

Thanks in advance for any advice. :)

I should mention that nothing at all went wrong on the third date. It really was out of the blue...
Thought I'd give an update on how this went. In the end, she really was ill, but also was having second thoughts. Apparently me getting her flowers and surprising her deemed me 'immature', reminding her of her ex. So that's that then...


Most Helpful Girl

  • It sounds as though with "Date 3 being a snog," that something isn't koshore Or Sure in Denmark. I sense that she is uptight about something, is making some lame excuse to put this off, avoid talking to you about it and even Has----Put you on her pay no mind list.
    You have every right to be concerned. And even if she is 'Too ill' as she claims, anyone who isn't on their deathbed, if they care enough, they can still send Their very best.
    I don't feel "She lost interest' but perhaps also Hasn't 'Lost track" herself of something here that she May be afraid to tell you or Be with you now because of the way she is feeling. It may have Something to do with sex and the Third time "Time's out" deal.
    You both need to sit down and have a long talk. If everything was Great before the third date, and now there is trouble in paradise, open lines of convo are one of the most important factors in any new or old relationship and you Need to face her down with it.
    If you don't hear anything in a few more days, buy some flowers and go over to her house. I am not going to believe that this would go dead over nite with her Suddenly having "I don't like you anymore Itis" and bringing her something as special as 'Something" from your own heart, Might just be what the doctor ordered.
    End your madness, save the day... Go get the girl that very well may be the girl of your dreams. This may be just a misunderstanding so don't get caught in a web of your own mind's deceit.
    Good luck. xx

    • Thanks for this, though I've already bought her flowers! Perhaps it was a little too early, I certainly don't want to be pushy, thus the lack of communication. I'll hold off a few days first to let us both realise what we really want. Fingers crossed, Thanks :)

    • Okay, so you beat me to it... No, not early but very considerate... I do think there is more than an 'illness' and it should be talked over... I think it might have to do with sex and this third date deal... I will keep my fingers crossed and even hope she gives you both a chance to talk... xx

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What Guys Said 2

  • i would give her the benefit of the doubt and just leave this one be. see how things progress from here.

  • This is a test in confidence and interest. Now don't read me wrong she's not doing the testing but this is a test. Are you truly interested in her as a human being and not just and emotional filler? Are you being dependent upon her to fufill your needs of closeness and acceptance? If so you may need to do some soul searching. It sounds like you guys went to hard to fast and it's made her nervous. She's probably somewhere wondering if she really likes you or if you really like her or if she's even ready for a relationship yet. The possibilities are endless so give up on wondering what she's doing. Take a break and focus on yourself. Why are you paranoid? Why do you need her to text you back? Why are you fearful? Look at those questions and work to understand yourself and if you can truly say you still want this girl after a few days or maybe even a week or two shoot her a text or a call.

    • This is an eye-opener of a comment, as really I can't answer a single one of those last questions. I'll have to camp it out and see how it goes as you say. Huge thanks for this one.

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