Did I say something wrong?

[Anonymous]

i went on a date hiking with a guy in the mountain. We were walking and talking. But then I saw that he got out of breath and looked a little like he was really tired on the verge of collapse. I asked him " are you ok? do you want me to carry you?" Then after that, his body language and vibes changed and it looked like he began disliking me. Towards the end of the date, he asked "why did you ask to carry me?". I replied: "because i felt really bad... you looked like you were about to collapse". He said "I was just gasping for air because we were going into higher altitude (harder to breathe). I just felt so bad for what I've said. He was a scrawny guy. I think emasculated him by asking to carry him. It hurt his self esteem. He might not have taken it so offensively if he were a bigger guy

[WindAtMyBack]

There is nothing wrong with asking if he is OK or wants to rest. If it was me and you asked to carry me though, I would have assumed you were joking. But if he is scrawny, he might be self-conscience about it and thought you were making fun of him.

He's probably out of shape, or just not used to higher altitudes. Even people in good shape have to acclimate to altitude. How high was it? And how high where he/you live?

Anyway, it's done and nothing you can do about it now. Trying to make up for it will likely just make it worse. So it's probably better to not say anything more.

[Asker]

I don't know but it just really upset me. i didn't realize it until after the date ended that i hurt him. should i text to apologize? or would it not matter anymore?

i really never intended to hurt him

[WindAtMyBack]

I wouldn't apologize for it. You can't take it back, and bringing it up will just continue adding salt to the wound.

Asking if he wants to go on another hike should do the trick. It subtly lets him know it's not a big deal without actually bringing up the subject. If you see him puffing and panting, stop to examine a flower, or tree, or bug - or just sit and chill by the river for a while.

[BoopBoopBeep]

"Yes, I feel it is thinner now". WTF, no, you're breathing the same shite he is.

He should have picked a different date if he doesn't have any cardio. You don't have to be big to have cardiovascular stamina and I've seen lots of big guys who are winded walking up the stairs more than a flight.

Your inaccuracies aside, if he's so sensitive that he's going to be butthurt about that you dodged a bullet.

Also, the air doesn't get thin until up around 2500 meters so I hope you were more than a couple hundred above sea level, because then he's also an idiot.

[bededazzle]

nothing “wrong” but sounds like his reaction was being bothered. probably just not a match. if it didn’t happen on date 1, it might have on 2 or 3. i’ve upseta person on a date before too. it sucks because usually i think you can’t really help by apologizing or anything

[Asker]

I don't know but it just really upset me. i didn't realize it until after the date ended that i hurt him. should i text to apologize? or would it not matter anymore?

[Asker]

i really never intended to hurt him

[bededazzle]

it might make you feel better if you text to apologize. just you know be prepared for no response is all. you didn’t do anything wrong—a second person has their issues you don’t know about on a first date

[Billlewis]

No, you didn't say anything wrong, but I think he was embarrassed.

[Anonymous]

Any comments or behavior from a woman that is not of a feminine nature has a higher chance of being unattractive...

[Joker_]

potentially