Is it ok to go clubs alone while in a relationship?

[Lilibet]

I went for 3 weeks to visit my family back home while my boyfriend enjoys his life when I’m not there. Go clubs, seeing his friends etc. Is this ok that he’s acting this way? I’m actually thinking his more happy on his own than when I’m there and I told him that, but we barely have time to talk when I’m away. Do I have right to be jealous that he’s clubbing, go for parties etc, or I’m overthinking and overreacting. Tbh I don’t even know if I trust him cuz we are at the beginning of our relationship and I just feel like when he’s gonna go clubs he’s gonna meet someone else

Updates

+1 y

Because he never did this before, that’s why I’m with him, he was with his guy friends all week and today his going to the club and I just don’t know what to think about it, cuz I was never in situation like that before

[Finchie40]

No it’s not , that’s a huge red flag and something I won’t tolerate in a relationship anymore. , So if he is consistently going to the club with his friends without you, I am sorry to say , but he is more
Than likely being up to no good , he is probably flirting or hitting on other girls behind your back or even hooking up with other girls’ behind your back So yes You have every right to feel the way that you do , it’s pure disrespectful behavior and it shows your boyfriend only really cares about himself, if he actually cared about you and loved you , he wouldn’t be putting himself in those environments without you what so ever , especially, if you don’t go to those places without him. I don’t care what anyone says , clubs are not a place for people in relationships to go to, unless your partner is with you. So whether he did anything or not , he is still disrespecting your relationship, by not giving a fuck about your feelings and only doing what he feels is best for himself. I was in a relationship with a girl that started pulling this same shit on me , going to the clubs with her friends consistently out of the blue , when she never did it before , she started making her toxic friends her priority and that right there is a sign your relationship is not good , you should always be your partners top priority , if you aren’t , than you aren’t in a real relationship , you are just a convenience to them and they no longer care about how you feel , I was in relationships with girls ‘ that pulled this shit and would tell me I was being insecure and I didn’t trust them it has nothing to do with trust , it comes down to respect for each other, so do yourself a favor and kick him to the curb where he belongs , i use to work as a bouncer at a club and the shit I witnessed there was all I needed to see. So my advice to you is move on from him and realize you deserve better than that. Again, I don’t care what anyone says clubs are not a place to go to without your partner period. Clubs are for single people looking to hook up and mingle , A cheater will say they go there for the music and the drinks and they like to dance and that cracks me up, because it is the biggest bullshit excuse what so ever. If you like to drink wouldn’t you just buy your own alcohol and drink at home with your friends where you are safer and it’s cheaper? Ok so you like to dance? So you like to dance by yourself or you like to dance with your friends? Wouldn’t
You rather dance with your partner instead? So tell me what other Reason would a partner want to go to a Club consistently without you? One
Thing I learned in relationships is don’t fall for this bullshit, kick him to the curb , he clearly doesn’t value you or love you , a real man would not put himself in those environments without his partner out of clear respect for her because he expects the same from her in return. So find yourself someone that wears your shoes the same way they should be wearing yours , if not you are only hurting yourself , A loving partner doesn’t write Sucker on your forehead , remember these words

[Lilibet]

Thank you for your advice. I think the same. Clubs are not for people that are in relationship, they can go together but not separate. From the day one he showed me so much love and respect but then I left to visit my family back home for 16 days, I’m here only 4 days and I’m just exhausted and just so sad because of the way how his acting. I love him, no one ever treated me so good like he did, but then I went for this trip and he just started doing this shit. I’m just overwhelmed, crying myself to sleep. I stayed alone in the house today for an hour cuz my family is al the time with me, and I just broke. I started crying so hard and I couldn’t stop. I have so much love for him and then he does this stupid shit. I’m just so sad that I have this weird feeling in my body, like I have nausea all the time because of this whole stress. And then I always hear that I’m overthinking

[Finchie40]

It’s ok to feel the way you are feeling don’t be told otherwise , I know it’s hard big time , I been in your shoes and it’s one of the worst feelings to experience, when you give your heart to someone that doesn’t give you their heart back the same, I can’t tell you what to do , it’s your life and your decisions, so please don’t take this the wrong way , I am just giving you advice based off of my own personal experiences with love and relationships , My experiences sadly have molded me to how I am today , when it comes to love and relationships Ito a point, I can probably write a book on it lol So as much as you are hurting right now I know it’s easier said than done, but my advice to you, is to not allow someone to write Sucker on your head , which your boyfriend is clearly doing to you , because your boyfriend is a selfish person that only cares about himself , his actions are clearly showing his true colors of what kind of person he truly is , a person that only thinks what is best for themselves. He basically took your trip to see your family as an opportunity for himself to be single , I’m sorry to say but that isn’t love , that is just an excuse for his selfish actions , he probably is pointing fingers at you for going away for 14 days , probably thinking you are being up to no good as well , so his reaction to that is selfishness,, sadly right there shows he doesn’t trust you and only cares about himself , This sort of things happens a lot in relationships and pretty much why most relationships don’t make it because most people assume the worst case scenario when their partner goes away for a long period of time , they automatically think their partner is being up to no good and assume their partner is lying to them , so he more than likely doesn’t trust you so he is putting himself out there in clubs with his friends hoping to find another girl to make himself feel better about himself. Do not let him use that as an excuse for his actions , which he is

[Finchie40]

More than likely going to use if you see him again and try to play a victim for his own selfish actions Sadly most relationships face this issue when a partner goes away without them, they automatically assume their partner is up to no good , so instead of loving and trusting their partner that is away they reciprocate and go be selfish with their friends. For any relationship to survive both partners have to make each other their top priority and choose each other over everyone else , sadly your partner doesn’t trust you , so be thankful you caught this now instead of 5 years from now. Your boyfriend is with you out of convenience, he doesn’t wear
Your shoes the same way he expects you to wear his , do yourself a favor and dump him

[Anonymous]

No, my wife would be furious and probably divorce me. I would the same for her. You can say nightclubs are for dancing and drinking, but people conveniently leave out that the main purpose of going to a club is to be social with strangers and have fun, which almost always goes in a sexual direction. If you go you go knowing you are probably going to get laid or at least grind on/make out with someone.

A bar on the other hand, entirely different. Knock yourself out.

[Lilibet]

I totally agree
All my friends when they are going to club they are going with intentions to meet someone
Bar is totally fine with me, boys night, beer etc etc, obviously he can go out to see his friends but clubs is totally different thing

[IslaTheWitch]

I prefer to have some time for myself in a relationship. I think it's essential to align with each other and not overlook the time when your partner might need you.

Currently, both of you have an ideal situation to catch your breath. From my perspective, he simply takes advantage of it. He enjoys his life when you're not there, allowing him to focus on you when you return. Wouldn't you prefer him to thrive rather than wither without you?

Focus on your family and recharge your batteries. It's healthy to miss each other and take breaks from one another from time to time.

Also, consider that you are different, and you will feel and react differently to various situations.

[Lilibet]

If course I want him to miss me and be happy when he sees me. The problem is, that he’s just having fun while I’m not there, we barely talk, when we do is just weird, I don’t even know if he will be happy to see me tbh, and I’m slowly starting to think that I will be not happy too. I love him, but I feel like I’m just unhappy
I can’t be at the end of his list, I should be a priority or at least be one of his priorities

[IslaTheWitch]

It's all in your head.

Accept that people are different. You are his priority when you are with him, and you know this. When you are not there, why can't he catch his breath and recharge his batteries? What is so wrong with the fact that he is not you and feels and reacts differently?

[wiltingrosepetal]

The idea is fine, but you should communicate some boundaries when clubbing. Don't flirt with other people, don't get black out drunk, etc. there's nothing wrong with the distrust around a club scene- especially if they're a lightweight- as long as you communicate through it

[Summeroflove]

Depends on what you’re doing. He’s allowed to do what he wants to do. Now as far as both of your standards go for relationships maybe you’re not compatible. Some people need to not be controlling and just figure out that it’s not meant to be.

If he’s out cheating on you then yes that is wrong and you’re not stupid. If you can tell something is wrong then it probably is. It also depends on what kind of parties. Some people define a party of sitting around mostly talking. Sometimes it’s a kids birthday party. Other times it’s drugs and sex and alcohol parties. That would be much more questionable.

I think you’ve lost trust and someone needs to end the relationship before it gets worse.

[Lilibet]

I did, I went to Poland and he said he’s at his friends playing games and he went club. I think if he would say it straight that he’s going there without lying I would be fine. I’m not big fan of clubs anymore, there are weird situations happening there. But he goes with his friends, alone, and o don’t mind at all. But that time he lied about it and it was suspicious

[Summeroflove]

He lied then and when he lies it means he’s hiding something from you. If he just went to the club without doing anything. Then why would he need to lie?

I think you know what he’s doing you just don’t want to admit it to yourself. People go through cycles with people like this. They seem really good at first. Then you see them for who they are. But then things get going good again…. And eventually you’re miserable

[Summeroflove]

He’s cheating on you. He’s using you for money. What are you getting out of this?

[Summeroflove]

Yeah…. Exactly people lie because there is something they don’t want you to know. Cheaters lie about where they are all the time. Many of these people believe if you’re silly enough to fall for their lies. You deserve it even if you just genuinely want to see the best in him.

Sure he’s not obligated to tell you where he is or what he’s doing all the time. But at the same time lying is wrong. It’s pretty clear hee hiding something even if you can’t prove it yet. I think your gut says he is

[Lilibet]

The thing is, he lied that one time… the rest of the time he is where he says he is, at least that’s what I think, I don’t follow him to work etc. He doesn’t go much with he’s friends, usually we go together, but that one time, I’m almost 100% sure something happened because he would just say he’s in the club.

[lightbulb27]

sounds like an immature brat. no. he needs to wake up and grow up. Some guys are just stupid, some have idiot friends.

There's a reason why "golf" exists and other sports. tell him to get a life... he has a girlfriend... or he's going to lose one.

[molonski2]

OMG , you just described exactly what I used to do hahaha , and yeah , I really enjoyed breaks like that. I think its harmless , he has a right to enjoy himself surely.

[Lilibet]

I don’t mind him going outs with friends, but clubs just to meet other people, mostly girls, how I can be ok with that

[molonski2]

He is probably going to the clubs with the same friends I would think.

[Lilibet]

Yes, he has lots of friends, so he goes with the same group but still, it’s not gonna stop him from meeting new people

[Miristheiss]

Not in my life.

That is single behavior. That is shady. I would not commit. If my girl dressed up in some skimpy, tight dress, went to the club, drinking, talking to guys all night then she is single. I am done with her. Do not ever contact me again.

[Anemone978]

I'm not sure about this.. because my sister used to do this all the time because she loved dancing but her boyfriend/husband didn't like it so she would go with her friends and his one bestfriend and his girlfriend.. She never cheated on him and he trusted her.
But when you think of it most people are up to no good, so it is just how loyal your partner is and if you trust them, but if it is too soon to know then it is questionable behaviour.

[Ms_Facesitter]

It could be okay, but let him know that you go and don't flirt with anyone or welcome flirts. Don't get drunk. Get home safely, and on time. But a lot of things can happen at a party so to honor all those rules every time you go out to a club? It'd be better to just stay home with your man. I would be worried if he went out somewhere alone when it's late.

[Bossbuddy1969]

If you're in a relationship I don't think you should. Because that leaves you open to being hit on or the temptation of hitting on somebody yourself.

You have to remember that the most important rule of life is most important role in relationships treat the other person as you would want to be treated. And in a relationship what you wouldn't want your partner to do or not though make it the same for yourself if you wouldn't want your partner in a certain situation make it the same for yourself

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Hey my friend, this is a huge red flag, tell him how you feel about this with him and maybe take sometime off from seeing or communicating with each other. I wish you the best of luck !!!

[worldscolide]

Its not okay for either gender to do that in a committed relationship. you're absolutely right to be jealous.. His behavior is an indicator that he doesn't take your relationship seriously and that he is not mature enough to be in an adult relationship.. to quote a friend of mine "when we pair bond, we put away childish things" Going clubbing and partying are definitely childish things.

[desperatelyhungry]

I think the clubbing stuff is just asking for trouble. Me personally I woukd only want my partner to go if I was with him, and I would only go if he was with me. However Idgaf about clubbing so I don’t have that issue lol

[Anonymous]

If you lack that much trust, your relationship is doomed anyway.

[Lilibet]

Well we are dating for 2 months, I’m just getting to know him, how I can trust 100% someone that I’m just getting to know

[Djaay]

Lilibet... Club together or don't club at all. Simple.

[JacobJordan]

no one should be going to clubs period. but in a relationship infinitely worse

[Sasha0426]

If you can find a way to ban clubs, let us know how well that goes.

[JacobJordan]

@Sasha0426 no need to ban them people can always decide to not go

[Filthy_Immigrant]

obviously. people go to clubs to "have a good time with their friends"

[manhattan_betsy]

I would go to clubs with girlfriends, but not totally alone. The only reason to go to a club alone is to meet someone, so no.

[Drumlin2001]

If you trust him it shouldn't be an issue. If you don't trust him, you have a bigger problem than him enjoying a night out

[boggboss]

Are u upset that he is having fun or doing u think he is doing somthing shadey

[boggboss]

Or was u looking foe a pat on the shoulder?

[Lilibet]

I just don’t like that he’s going to clubs while I’m his girlfriend
Also when we are together we are going out, cooking but we don’t party, but seems like he’s having more fun when I’m not there, and if that’s true then how we can be in relationship if he’s more happy without me

[boggboss]

OK so first do u think he is doing somthing shadey as that's the only issue I can see from him going clubbing with friends as to him having fun did u want or expect him to be miserable whilst u was away as that seems mad odd to me is he not allowed to have fun with friends in your absence

[Lilibet]

Not miserable but why he would go to clubs, for me is like he just want to meet someone that’s it. He doesn’t have time to talk to me or text me but he has time for everything else

[Lilibet]

For me, if I’m in relationship, I wouldn’t go alone to club, if I’m single that’s fine, but what’s the point if I have a boyfriend

[boggboss]

If in your mind clubs are only gone too to meet women gair enough at which point why are u even with him if u think that's what he is doing

[boggboss]

I dont go out frequently but my friendships didn't just end because I have a relationship so if my friends wanna go to a club why wouldn't I yes I might ask my fiancé but if she dont want to come or can't that don't disqualify me from having fun with friends lol

[Lilibet]

Because he never did this before, that’s why I’m with him, he was with his guy friends all week and today his going to the club and I just don’t know what to think about it, cuz I was never in situation like that before

[boggboss]

Never did what went out with friends?

[Lilibet]

Of course if she’s ok with that you can go alone, but that’s my point, you would ask first if she wants to go, and if you would go alone would be when she’s ok with that
He doesn’t go clubs, but now I went away and he’s just having a time of his life. I want him to be happy because I care about him, but he just behaves differently now and just seems like I said, he has more fun while I’m gone, which makes me wonder if there is a point of us being in relationship if he’s more happy without me

[Lilibet]

Never went clubs, he went with friends before of course but not clubs while we started dating

[boggboss]

So it seems like somthing u guys clearly need to talk about instead of u enquiring by your self if this relationship is worth it speak about it clearly its bothering u Does he know u are feeling this way

and no its not to do with my partner being ok with me going out as she knows she dont have the ability to tell me I'm not allowed to go out the same way I would never tell her she can't we respect how the other feels but fundamentally the issue someone has with their partner going out without them at its core is u thinking they will cheat at that point why are u even with them as the only thing stopping them is the ability to go out not u trusting them

[Lilibet]

I tried talking to him but there is the time difference and we barely talk, he doesn’t respond my texts, and promises to call the he doesn’t. Then like last night he just said that he was busy with work. He always showed me so much care and love, but I left on Wednesday, and during this few days he’s totally different. And I don’t want to lose him, but on the other hand I don’t like what he’s doing. I barely left and he was at the party same evening. He didn’t even called me when I was waiting for my plane, didn’t even cared if I arrived safe 😂 I guess I’m just hurting and trying to figure things out cuz I will be away for 2 more weeks

[boggboss]

Then it seems u need to call him and have a conversation about this not text or wait for him to call u

[Fromdusktilldawn]

for many guys who enter a relationship, they have much less contact with their male friends because they focus so hard on the girl. As soon as she is away for some time its time to see the guys again.

[WatchedPot]

We judge each other on past behaviors don't we? Trust is earned.

[KrakenAttackin]

NO! Going to clubs (without your SO) when in a relationship is unacceptable.

[Peter_Penetrator]

A woman should never go to the club alone. Many things can go wrong for her.

[Sasha0426]

Stuff like that is for single people. If he wants to act single, make him single. He won’t care 🤷‍♀️

[Djaay]

Actually your the one carring on like your single. Right then you'll be single wether or not you like it or not. Bon Viaggge...

[ThrillSeeker01]

Does he text you all the time? He should if he likes you.

[Lilibet]

Nope, he does not, he says he’s at work and then there is 6 hours time difference
So we barely talk

[ThrillSeeker01]

That's not cool. It shows he doesn't care that much about you. A deal breaker, in my book.

[Raaj4you]

No, it's not if you are going with your girl friends.

[Lilibet]

I don’t go clubs, girls night is different, having drinks at home, dancing watching movies
But his in club with guys and girls
There is no comparison

[Raaj4you]

Ok, if it's only girls night. Then your boyfriend should not stop you. Girls/ women too deserve fun and entertainment in their life. Don't go to clubs bcoz your boyfriend is doing it. Tell him that, you should not hangout with girls if he wants to be in a relationship with you.

[Lilibet]

I did tell him, but does that mean he’s not gonna do it? I’m not able to check it so I can say it but still he can do that

[Raaj4you]

If he repeats then leave him.

[Djaay]

Sure... but you won't be coming home and you'll find all your belongs on the side walk.

[Teabaggin]

It's a red flag 'cause a lot of shit is happening in there.

[AliceM611]

I don't see a problem with it.

[Tim-loves-it]

Yes, but alone? thats no fun!

[Jamie05rhs]

Question: does he actually LIKE to dance?

[Lilibet]

He does but seriously there are not much of the dencers in the clubs, more drinking and just meeting new people

[Jamie05rhs]

@Lilibet "Meeting new people". Hmm... 🧐

[Lilibet]

Girls, well so many people goes to clubs, get drunk and hooking up

[Jamie05rhs]

@Lilibet Exactly. That's what I'm afraid of.

[whistlingwh0res]

well he is a jack ass for sure. what more?

[whistlingwh0res]

Bitch should be a bitch. Be yourself why fake?

[SolitarySolace]

If you don't want a boyfriend anymore, sure

[Rahulaj]

Depends how your into your partner

[888theGreat]

she would be alone for good. Well not for long.

[In_Trance]

Ask your SO; they'll tell you

[Anonymous]

What's the point in doing that?

[Lilibet]

In doing what

[SpaceGalaxy]

no,. it is not O. K.

[BLP11520]

Are you married? If you are not go ahead

[Jupiter1]

I wouldn’t.

[Anonymous]

yeah that is hot

[Anonymous]

Yes it is.

[Joker_]

nope!

[Anonymous]

Go for it girl...