Is this wrong or am I over reacting?

[Anonymous]

Hi,

I'm 28, I've been dating this guy (27) for about 7 months now. Its recently long distance while he finishes his PhD.

So, it's been a pretty solid relationship. I trust him. He's a good guy.

My current issue though is, this female friend he has. And not even her so much as this situation.

She has been the only decent friend he has had back in the state he's doing school in. His other friends are shitty. He doesn't realize it, but they are. But she has been good to him so I've supported their friendship. She knows about me, etc.

BUT, for Thanksgiving/currently he is on a trip with her and her other female friend. Which I already was iffy about, but I know he needs an outlet because genuinely all he does is work and have no friend time.

So I was like yeah, go.

But my bad was apparently not realizing the 3 of them were sharing a hotel room.

I guess it was *supposed* to be a 2 bedroom suite, but instead he's on the couch, but they're all sharing a room.

I said that it makes me uncomfortable, and that I assumed that he wouldn't be doing that.

Which assuming is always my bad.

But somehow he's the victim here saying that "he wasn't involved in the planning". Like sure, but get another room then?

I don't know, I have such a weird dating history that I can't even fully believe if I'm justified in being upset or not.

I genuinely don't believe he's in it to cheat on me, but it still feels highly disrespectful.

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow that sounds like a awkward situation. Sharing a room with another girl, even if it's his friend, doesn't seem cool while he's dating you. I get he needs friends but there should be boundaries. I'd feel weird about it too if my girl was sharing a room with another guy. Hopefully it was just random planning thing and nothing weird is going on. Maybe have a honest talk with him about boundaries with other girls now that yous are dating. If he's a good guy hopefully he understands why you dont like it and works on making you more comfortable. Just be direct but chill about it.

[bededazzle]

You don't need justification for your feelings. It's a pretty weird situation. It's good you communicated that you were upset. It sounds like you trust him, so just trust him on this one I'd say but like validate your own feelings. Maybe have a talk with him when he gets back and make it clear that you are really not comfortable with that at all. It's pretty reasonable.

[Asker]

I do trust that nothing bad has happened.
But I guess my decision here will depend on how he handles this after and moving forward.
If he apologizes, good. I'll make it clear that's a no for the future.
But, if he argues with me about it, I am likely done with the relationship

[bededazzle]

personally, i think it’s good to stick to your own limits. i think that’s part of trusting yourself that you’re not overreacting

[BoopBoopBeep]

Unless the hotel is sold out there's no cause for him to not get another room, just out of respect.

[Asker]

I fully agree.
I said my part, and left it at that. I haven't heard from him since. So I guess I'll get to decide how to handle this depending on how he did/does.

[Raaj4you]

No, I can't trust a guy or girl who shares a room with a person from opposite sex. Sooner or later they will definitely have sex if they are so close to each other.

[Asker]

I don't think that is necessarily true.
But, it's definitely still disrespectful while in a relationship, without warning me ahead of time at that.

[Raaj4you]

Yes, when you are already in a relationship then you should not get closer to another girl / guy.

May be he is telling the truth that he was not involved in the planning.

[Asker]

I do believe he wasn't involved in the planning. But he should have said something

[Raaj4you]

It's okay, give him a chance.

[ThrillSeeker01]

Yeah, I get it. It would rub me the wrong way too.