Am I wrong to react like this?

[Noredcarpet]

Someone Ex/dated in my past one day told me long after us parting ways that now he had gotten help with the one thing I had struggled to get him to realize he needed help with and left him over. He gave credit to one person I know did not lift a finger to help me out helping him whe we were still on. He told me basically that other people in his life has tried to break through to him, but it was this one moment when this person, who he had clearly put on a piedestal for reasons unknown, walzed in and told him in one sentence or two he needed help that he took it serious. The only thing I can imagine this person doing this must have been because everyone else had in vain tried and now this person felt pressured to do something. Im sorry but that is what I think.

My ex sort of shouted to the world giving this one person the award, all the credit.

I did not know at first if it was a slap in my face for having left him but it did feel like a slap in the face no matter.

I said the usual stuff sort of good for you, keep up the good work, wishing him well, at the same time trying to end the conversation and be on my way.

He would try to later on reach out to me, I could tell he wanted a second go, now that he was free from his issue, as if I would do that.

I have always felt it is important to give credit to team work.

I had felt unvalued during our relationship over this, seen our potential bright future go up in smoke.

I could not even shape a word, less a sentence to him how it made me feel and I can imagine the rest of the people still active in his life when he did this. I felt sorry for them. I felt I had made the right choice to walk out when I did.

[Bitter_Sweet94]

You’re not wrong for reacting that way.

Anyone would feel hurt if they spent years trying to help someone, only for that effort to be ignored until a ‘special’ person said the exact same thing in one sentence.

It’s not about wanting credit, it’s about feeling unseen, unvalued, and dismissed.

And when someone you cared about suddenly changes ‘after you leave, it naturally feels like a slap in the face, even if that wasn’t their intention.

Your reaction makes sense.

It also shows you made the right decision by walking away.

You supported him for the right reasons, but you were not obligated to stay until he finally decided to listen.

Sometimes people only grow when the relationship is already over, and that has nothing to do with your worth or effort.

It just confirms that you did your part and then you protected your peace.

[Noredcarpet]

Yes, I was let down not only for my own sake, I understood he couldn't announche my old part in it as I was his ex, it was the usual I'm sorry, something I heard before, meaning different things. I knew he had trouble processing our break up as I think the on going addiction numbed, haltered him. I was worried about him after I left and had to learn how to mentally put up a wall. Funny thing is when I was with another ex, most likely bipolar, jealous out of ration, I had all the sign of someone emotionally abused. With this guy I had none as he treated me always well on or off his addiction except when it came to just that, the addiction. It was difficult to explain to others what he was up to when effected and being still able to get to me as I knew he was teared up, vulnerable, he wouldn't remember afterwards what he had said or done. But no matter what he still wouldn't get help. Until of cource his special someone told him. After this I have always made sure when I can that everyone who pinch in gets credit, may it be at work, may it be some other situation. I know what a big operation it took of all the good people still in his life, but he made the story about that other one who in my opinion did the least. Wow.

[Noredcarpet]

Thank you so much for verifying my feelings about this.

[Bitter_Sweet94]

It makes sense that this still stings for you.

You carried the weight when he was at his worst, and you saw sides of him no one else ever had to handle.

That kind of effort leaves a mark, even if you don’t want recognition for it.

Addiction complicates everything, the memories, the responsibility, the way people retell the story later.

But you were there in the real moments, not the edited version he now shares.

And your takeaway shows growth instead of bitterness.

You learned to protect your boundaries, to give credit where it’s due, and to not let someone else’s healing rewrite your part in the story.

You’re not asking for praise.

You’re just acknowledging the truth.

And you’re allowed to do that.

[Noredcarpet]

Thank you. Really, I've learned about addiction because of him. I was naive before. I knew he was in the ring with it, my mistake was me thinking I was there too with him, when it was my job alone to just say some positive words etc in the breaks. It was his fight, it wasn't ours. I knew the more time that passed the bigger the opponent would get, the weaker his inner organs, brain would get if he did not start doing the right thingd. I once tried to sell him the idea that after rehab, which we had arranged for already back then, we could get married, something he had said he wanted to. I knew he was scared and feared judgement but I knew the only people he, we needed to benefit us in life would be the ones supporting us, the rest had to go or accept the rules. I knew some would be gone on their own, good, those who didn't like me, I was not enabling. His dream he would say was our wedding. Kids. I would throw in a bonus, his hobby, something to build. This was my vision. Telling him yes it would be dark, bad, raw now, in the tunnel, but when he got out good things, good life waited for him. I would be there for him every step of the way. I was not ashamed of him. This could have happened to anyone, life's circumstances. After I would have no trouble saying no to it, stand by his side at any new social function. We did not have to reveal the real cause. You can say so many things. As boring as some may think you are they soon forget, don't care. We would be fine..

[Noredcarpet]

I suppose I had this vision of what it would be like when he got out, who he would be, had we still be on then. That was not who he was. I would wonder what it would take, if anything, if not too late, to get him to understand he needed help. Loosing me did not do it. That was for sure. He would instead use that as an excuse to increase. People would buy that. Give me looks. I did not tell them nothing. They were not worthy.

[Bitter_Sweet94]

You saw the reality that everyone else could afford to ignore.

And when you love someone who’s fighting addiction, you end up carrying a weight that was never truly yours to lift.

Your vision wasn’t naive, it was hopeful.

You weren’t trying to save him, you were trying to build a future with the version of him that wanted to get better.

But recovery only works when the person chooses it for themselves.

You weren’t in the ring with him, you were standing at the edge, offering every bit of support you had, and he still wasn’t ready to step out of the darkness.

That doesn’t make your effort misplaced.

It just means his capacity didn’t match your commitment.

And the judgment from others?

People always create simplistic stories when they don’t know the truth.

You kept your integrity, you didn’t expose him, you didn’t defend yourself, you didn’t broadcast the pain.

That’s strength, not silence.

Losing you didn’t wake him up because addiction numbs accountability.

It twists the narrative, and it gives him excuses that others can easily accept.

But you walked out with clarity.

You saw what the relationship was, what it could have been, and what it would never become.

Not everyone has the courage to hold all three truths at once.

You didn’t fail him.

You simply reached the point where loving him and losing yourself were becoming the same thing.

[Noredcarpet]

That is so good of you to write that. Thank you.
I think his words back then effected me not only because it was not fair on the rest of us who had tried to save him, but something else I've thought of only recently. When my dad failed my mom. When he chose in his future a woman who gave me a bad feeling straight away. Who I knew did not, would not love him for real. Who was only after superficial high status like his suits, etc. I knew in time she would put a knife in his back. I would wonder why my instinct was not my dads as I would say before in his life he and I were the same way. With my ex who fought his addiction I felt the same way, by him giving the "hero", trophy story, the one of all of us who I knew was someone who did not really care for him, this, it has created this unsafe spot for me, what it was with my dad, folllowed by me ex, to do this. My other ex, the likely bipolar, jealous, changed too, in his case he was drawn to I think a group of men who were not I suspect like his orher group of friends, guys, I knew, who were good. Their instincts changed while mine was the same. I have been afraid my partner would do the same thing now that I have catched some of the signs he's not doing too good, but so far it hasn't happened, as one I have not told him what my instinct tells me, it is after all someone he has in his life, but he slipped out on his own what he thought, and it was the same I had thought. The feeling I've experienced is when they don't see you as good enough, don't see what you offer, but they see these other people in a different light, it hurts.

[Bitter_Sweet94]

It makes sense why this hits you on more than one level.

When the people you love choose others who aren’t safe, it doesn’t just hurt in the moment, it teaches your nervous system to expect the same pattern every time someone you care about starts slipping.

Your dad, your ex with the addiction, the bipolar ex, you weren’t imagining things.

Your instincts were sharp, but the people around you weren’t in a place to see what you saw.

And when that happens repeatedly, it creates a fear that your value will always be overlooked in favour of someone louder, easier, or more reckless.

But what you’re describing now with your current partner is different.

He came to the same conclusion you did without you having to guide him there.

That’s not a small thing, that’s alignment.

Your fear didn’t come out of nowhere.

It came from experiences where your intuition was right, but you still ended up being dismissed or replaced.

That leaves a mark.

But this situation isn’t repeating the past.

This time, someone is seeing what you see and that matters.

Your worth was never the issue.

It was the timing, the people, and their own brokenness.

You’re not “not enough.”

You’ve just been surrounded by people who weren’t ready to meet you at your level.

That’s a completely different truth.

[Noredcarpet]

Thank you once again so much :) it has helped a great deal, your words. I now get why my dad slipped with that woman, her energy was bad but so were the energier from his first family and now I get that they represent someone from their past, something not cleared up, therefor still part of them and when they do get to a stage when they are not feeling, doing good this part of them can fire up. Years later after everything that had happened with my dad he and my mom got to see one another because of me. I could tell he still had feelings for her, so bad, at the same time knowing she was out of his league. And what he had done in his past. Mom wasn't there. I thought eat your heart out dad. (But still loved my dad). He had gone from good when with my mom to ceashing, bad, and then after a long time back to good. And that is when he saw her for her good.

[Noredcarpet]

It has been strange thinking, writing so much of my past love life while being in a present one, that is a no, no, but for both myself and my partner it has been a neccery Journey as we have taken unsolved and other bad experiences with us into our present time, relationship. Not knowing what else to do, closing the door, trying to avoid is not the solution. Things could happen that triggered something for me, in my past, at the same time it triggered something else for him, when he did not check things with me before coming to the wrong conclusion. Collision. That is when I shut off, thinking he'll never get it anyhow. Now we are starting to get that previous experiences, may it be with a parent or ex, need to be adressed, treated the right way for it to go away, peace, to step 2 treat it in a new, good way concerning one another now, future.

[Bitter_Sweet94]

It sounds like you’re finally connecting the dots instead of carrying them alone.

That’s growth.

What happened with your dad and your past relationships didn’t make you “broken,” but they shaped how quickly your alarm system goes off.

And now you’re starting to understand the pattern instead of reliving it.

What matters most is what you and your partner are doing now,
actually naming the old wounds instead of pretending they don’t exist.

That’s how a relationship becomes healthier, not by avoiding the past, but by giving it the right context so it stops controlling the present.

You don’t need to apologize for reflecting on your history.

You’re processing, not going backwards.

Just stay grounded in this,
you’re not repeating the same story.

You’re rewriting it with someone who’s willing to grow with you, not against you.

[Cuminginside]

I guess you weren't special enough or effective enough to get through. Thankfully the other person did the job that you could not do. There's a therapy session for today would you like some Prozac with that?

[Anonymous]

Don’t u have a boyfriend?

[In_Trance]

Ridiculous