Long-distance: should I give up or keep going?

[Anonymous]

Recently started talking to someone online, we shared we liked each other and I do love talking to him. I believe we can have multiple soul mates. Not sure why, but he gives me soul mate vibes… we just found out how far distant we are… he hasn’t really respond since.. I feel abit worry/insecure that he’s probably very hesitant about our far distance, maybe my bubbly personality is a lot for him, or both? I know we are single and I’m sure we both are exploring others as he’s following new women online and I’m going on dates with guys locally. But I always think back to him.

Should I stopped replying/pursuing him and give up? Should I keep going and try to see where this goes even though he might not be fond of distance?

[HollyK21]

I think he recognizes how doomed this situation is and that’s why he’s backing off. Long distance is not for everyone, so while yes he may like you the situation isn’t for him even if on your end you’re willing to do the work.
There’s so much to factor as well, like loneliness, being unable to create memories in person, the expenses for travel plus costs and accommodations when you get there, not to mention being able to take that time off from work. Missing one another, feeling depressed by the distance, etc.
LDR needs to be short term from the start, and you can’t even think about relocating yet as you’ve just met. I don’t think he’s a soulmate, just a guy you’ve connected with and it sucks a lot that he lives so far but you’ll save yourself some real, deep heartache by wishing him well and moving on.

[Asker]

You literally wrote my whole thought process… um he message me twice yesterday and eventually I decided to reply today.. but he just seem active and not even reply to me… so maybe he’s just toying with my feelings or I don't know if he’s feeling neglected but I guess I should just move on since he’s not really trying… it’s only making me scare and wanna run away from being hurt, so I know I deserve better even though I like him and gonna miss it…

[HollyK21]

It appears as though he’s backing off without actually saying that much due to the distance. I know naturally the first thought is if you like someone you make it work, then you see successful LDR stories and feel like ‘why couldn’t that be us? They made it work’. Well, coming from someone who’s been in an LDR twice I’d say the idea is nice but the reality is not.

There has to be a probable silver lining, even if you just met and it’s like one of you is already planning to move closer, or the distance is temporary while they travel for work or something. To start talking to a guy and he lives far makes it so hard to establish anything. It’s not like you met on a night out or has a single face to face interaction, you’re just building on hopes and dreams. It’s impractical for someone who wants to go on dates, go to each others place, make memories. You two wouldn’t even be looking at a first date within the month, you know? There’s just a lot to consider and some people don’t even want to try that arrangement.

So while yes, I know this is hurtful, walk away. This is still so new, even if you started making attachments quick, they will go away in a few days. Have your future self’s back and prioritize not breaking her heart.

[Asker]

Is it possible I can message you if you change your messaging setting just for a minute to allow me to do it?

[HollyK21]

Sorry I thought I already responded to this lol of course, I changed my settings so feel free to shoot me a message, I’ll change it back by the end of the day to give you some time to send it🤍

[Nikki1989]

The problem with LDRs is if no one is prepared to move locations, there is never going to be any real future in it.

[Asker]

I don’t mind relocating in the future if he can show me he’s serious and loyal. Just not now.

Do you think he’s not really responding because he’s thinking about it or trying to move on? Okay… so are you saying I should stop replying and give up?

[Crankor]

Thing is, if one of you isn't willing to leave your current location then it would never even be considered a long term relationship. The other thing is it, not everyone can visit enough times to keep it alive. For me, every 3 months is bare minimum which even then can suck depending on your life situation/wants from a relationship. May not be something he is interested in doing

[Asker]

I hear you. I don’t mind relocating in the future if he can show me he’s serious and loyal. Just not now.

Do you think he’s not really responding because he’s thinking about it or trying to move on? Okay… so are you saying I should stop replying and give up?

[Crankor]

Well if he hasn't been responding, he's prob turned off by the distance. Depends how long you've been talking I guess but doesn't sound like he finds it worth his time

[Crankor]

But guess it couldn't hurt to play it out a bit longer but again that would depend how long you've already been talking. For me it was I knew the type I was looking for didn't exist in my area. But that's from a guy's point of view... a bit different if the guy thinks he has closer options or doesn't really know what his type is or doesn't care about that, etc... sooo yah either play it out a bit more and make it obvious to see how he reacts or just give it break

[Asker]

Okay I guess I’ll see how I feel rather he respond or not……

[ThrillSeeker01]

Yes, I would move on. Like he doesn't seem enthusiastic

[Asker]

If a guy hasn’t respond much after some hours after finding out about our distance yet active on social, does that mean he lost interest or hesitant thinking about it?

And if he does respond, should I just ignore it and still move on?

[ThrillSeeker01]

It sounds like he doesn't want a long distance relationship, so yeah maybe move on.

[Asker]

I wrote him big thoughtful messages that included the distance, but he finally replied back with only a short and sweet message and didn’t talk about the distance… since he did reply a short, sweet message… does that mean he’s bored, to be polite, or like me and keeping distance? I do like him and he makes me happy when we talk where I could consider distance if we ever become serious, but you’re right he may not want distance… I’ll follow what you said… I won’t reply and just move on. I’ll miss him from a distance and he won’t even know.

[ThrillSeeker01]

If he messages you all the time that might mean something but if not it shows a lack of enthusiasm. Just depends how often he gets back to you, I think

[Asker]

He is very responsive if I reply, but after my thoughtful messages including the discovery of distance… he took some hours.. he kept it short and sweet.. I didn’t reply thinking about what you said I should move on… plus he didn’t seem attentive to my thoughtful message, so it feels like he cares less by keeping it short… and he did send another message again… I didn’t reply again… since I feel like maybe I need to move on? I am just sad and confuse by him..

[Asker]

I feel like if a guy is interested, why would he take so long to reply… and not even explain himself… it will make a girl feel neglected and he’s not really thinking of her…

[ThrillSeeker01]

Right, a guy who really likes a girl will text her all the time, I think

[Asker]

Does that mean even if he gave me a second message that was also short and sweet even though I didn’t reply to both of them, I should ignore it and move on? Why would he even message me again.. because he’s bore, lingering me on, or what?

[ThrillSeeker01]

You can try to chat with him and see if he replies quickly. If you keeps a conversation going for a while and he gets back to you fast that might mean he likes you

[Asker]

He did told me he liked me, usually if I reply he is responsive except for the time we mentioned how far we were… he took a whole day to reply, but as I said I didn’t reply.. so he messaged me twice in one night… I still haven’t reply… but I don’t know… what if I reply.. he’s responsive like he used to.. but he has days he does this again… what’s that mean, he’s playing games, bore, or don’t know what he wants?

[Asker]

Why do you think he took so long and message me twice at different times in one night even though I haven’t reply? I’m confuse by his actions….

[ThrillSeeker01]

Maybe give him a second chance. See if he keeps up a steady conversation with you

[Asker]

If he do keep a steady conversation, but there are times he does this again… what does it mean… he’s taking it slow, it’s how he texts, playing games, or just in the field of talking to different girls?

[ThrillSeeker01]

If he doesn't get back to you quickly then there's a lack of enthusiasm. That's the real test

[Asker]

What if some days he does reply quick. Then other days he doesn’t? Does that mean he doesn’t like me?

Why do you think he message me twice even though I haven’t reply? Both of it was short and sweet, but he didn’t talk about our distance and my other questions about him.

[ThrillSeeker01]

Thanks for the MHO. And I would wait and see what happens. 🙂