Advice on long distance?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. We’re both 28—he’s American, and I’m from Europe.

Throughout our relationship, I was always the one pushing for us to make plans, set goals, and create a tangible timeline. He, on the other hand, seemed content with how things were and was okay with the idea of seeing each other only once every 10 months. According to him, being able to talk daily over the phone was more than enough.

When I asked about future plans, he said he wouldn’t be ready for marriage for at least another two years because he feels he needs to “get to know me better.” While I understand that perspective, I can’t help but wonder: how can you truly get to know someone better if you’re not spending real, in-person time together?

Eventually, I decided to end the relationship. I couldn’t keep living with so much uncertainty. Every time I brought up the idea of planning for the future, he’d accuse me of pressuring him into marriage. That’s a painful thing to hear—especially when all you really want is to build a life with the person you love.

He also comes from a Muslim family and seems heavily influenced by them when making life decisions. I completely respect that, but I can’t help but feel that at 28, a man should be able to make decisions for himself. Please correct me if I’m wrong.

I guess I’m just looking for some outside perspective on all of this.

[Finchie40]

You were wise to dump his ass, 28 years old and still allowing mommy and Daddy to make his decisions for him , is absolutely pathetic. , Long distance relationships can be hard if you both allow it to be hard , but if the both of you are on the same exact page with things and you both want to eventually be closer together as soon as possible then it can work , So it sounds like your ex wasn’t on the same page as you , and just liked the convenience of you , So the next guy you fall for, make sure it’s a guy that makes you his top priority, a guy that wants you by his side as much as possible , a guy that can’t wait to see you and be by your side , never fall for someone that doesn’t give the same effort that you are giving to them. Because they only like the convenience of you., never be a convenience to anyone in a relationship period. So find yourself a guy that wants to be by your side as much as possible , and stay away from guys’ that need space , someone that needs space from you doesn’t truly love you , they just like the benefits that they can receive from you , while they go out with friends’ weighing their options to eventually replace you. When a girl needs space from me on a steady basis , she is no longer my girlfriend , she is just something I do if I choose to. I only commit to a girl that makes me her top priority the same way I make her mine , but if she starts treating me like a convenience, she will become my convenience as well , and I will keep my options opened to meet someone else. Partners’ that try to write Sucker on my head are in for a ride awakening, when they realize my ass is not waiting for their return. I only commit to girls’ that wear my shoes the same way she expects me to wear hers. Not one sided

[lightbulb27]

my family member had exact scenario. they were both serious and interested, they had their motivations and so traveled, spent long time together, got married and have kids. it's working well.

you made the right call, some guys are not mature, I was not at that age. muslim is another wrinkle of complexity. good to move on, be open to LD, but look for effort and willingness. some people will need patience but should be maleable and open.

I met my wife LD and married.

I se elots of people finding love, making relationships and life. don't give up, you are just getting started. but heal up put it behind you and move on. Take the lessons you can learn about people to save time.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the long-distance conundrum, it's a doozy! 🌍💔 Breaking up was a tough call but sounds wise if the relationship was a one-sided GPS with you doing all the navigating. It's crucial for both partners to be on the same page about lovebombing with future plans. Cultural influences can play a big role, but ultimately, each person should chart their own course, right? No need to second-guess yourself. You're a rockstar for wanting clarity and direction in love, and never settle for less than a co-pilot by your side! 🚀❤️

[Asker]

Thank you. I really appreciate it as the break up is very fresh and painful

[OlderAndWiser]

Smart decision by you. If he wanted you for something more than an occasional sexual romp, he would have made it happen . . . but he didn't.

[HusamRocks]

As a Muslim I can say any muslim man wouldn't marry a girl his family doesn't want him to, since we are committed to our family specially parents, we won't make them angry or unsatisfied over anything but of course we can talk and discuss everything, in the end, the decision is for the man.

Our families don't force their decisions on us but we get affected by them and we do them as a religious duty and out of respect 👍🏻

[Ariesman81]

Hot take... women who pressure seldom get what they want. It's great you made your intentions known, but you're not being present with him.

And while I understand your time is valuable, God's timing is all that matters. I hate to say it, but your inability to be present and submissive, is the reason he didn't commit.