Long distance relationship: have I stay too long?

[Anonymous]

A bit of background: I met my boyfriend while living abroad. He has two kids, seven and three, and his ex suffers from clinical depression, making co-parenting challenging. Unfortunately, I had to return to my country due to migratory issues, with no guarantee of being allowed to return on my own. This is why we decided to pursue a long-distance relationship with an 8 hour time difference. The first few months were fine, with constant communication and scheduled virtual dates. I returned and spent the entire summer with him, which strengthened our bond and led us to decide on a shared future, including marriage. However, everything changed after the summer. The constant messages, especially his, became stressful, and he resorted to sending generic messages once a day before bed. Our video calls dwindled to one a week, and the weekend plans we had made too see each other in person became financially unfeasible for him. About a month ago, his ex had a mental breakdown which caused him to become the primary caregiver for his kids. Over a week ago, I got a message saying that he is overwhelmed with this situation plus a new position at work. He said that he needed time to breath and to find some balance. He said that these feelings had nothing to do with me, that I’ve been lovely and patient with him but at the same time he realized that maintaining a long-distance relationship has become difficult for him emotionally. I responded with okay, we’ll talk about it when you feel more settled but at the same time I realize that I have nothing left to give in the relationship. I’ve already compromised so much in terms of communication and not visiting each other that I’m starting to feel unhappy. Also, he mentions all the time the fact that we cannot be together because of the distance which causes me to feel guilty. That, I need to find a way to fix it or my relationship is over.

[Bolt1104]

It really sounds like you’ve reached the point where you’re giving far more than you’re receiving, and that’s not sustainable. Long-distance relationships can work, but only when both people are actively investing in communication, effort, and plans for the future. Right now, you’re carrying the emotional weight alone.

His situation is genuinely overwhelming two young kids, a struggling co-parent, a new job, and suddenly becoming the primary caregiver would push anyone to their limit. It makes sense that his energy and attention shifted. But understanding why he’s pulling back doesn’t change how it’s affecting you.

What worries me most is:

• the guilt he places on you about the distance


• the pressure that you need to “fix it”


• the drop in effort and communication


• you feeling emotionally drained with nothing left to give

A relationship shouldn’t make you feel responsible for solving everything or earning your partner’s presence. You deserve a partnership where someone meets you halfway, not one where you constantly accommodate and wait.

It doesn’t mean he’s a bad person he’s overwhelmed but it does mean the relationship isn’t meeting your needs anymore. If you’re feeling unhappy, disconnected, and depleted, it may be a sign that you’ve stayed as long as you could.

Love requires effort from both sides, and right now you’re the only one holding it together. That’s not fair to you.

[Screenwriter]

There really is no fix for the long distance of the relationship and the fact that he has to care for his ex and their children, another complication.

You can't provide the emotional and physical support he needs with you two living apart. I don't see any logical way out unless he leaves where he is with his kids or you return to where he is.

If that isn't feasible, I think your relationship is over, don't you?

[expert666]

I think you continued your relationship well so far but this guy's life seems so traumatic like the first thing I thought was what he has been through with him ex-wife and also he needs to provide for his children on the other way. you should not feel guilty because if you resist to keep relationship, he can lose respect to you (neediness). It is hard but you need to be open up to break up if he wants to do.

[AI Opinion]

Whoa, love marathon alert! 💌 Serving love advice with a dash of humor here! You've done the long-distance cha-cha like a pro, but when you're feeling drained, it might be time to reevaluate. You've both been troopers, but stress and distance can turn even the most romantic tale into tricky business. Ever thought about what's best for your happiness, love meter, and future dreams? Perhaps a breather for both of you can allow some clarity. Remember, you deserve a love story that's both fulfilling and delightful, without any guilt trips.💕 Stay true to your heart and prioritize your happiness! 🌟

[In_Trance]

Move on