Why do some men fail to launch?

[Anonymous]

Dating a guy , older then me , doesn’t have his suit together and thought he would get it together- you know just sit back and watch the changes in his life and how he deals with things - I am unimpressed he stays in same routines money , perspective, health , wellbeing , wants , needs. I get a general feeling he believes the world owes him something - I feel like I don’t even want to attempt to assist him in changing his mindset as he “feels” too negative about the things that he believes are challenging and it shows. Lovely guys , very caring, generally great to be around but he appears to have no desire to make something more for himself or his children. It’s really demonstrated to me that living a life with someone like this is not for me. How do I communicate this in a break up situation?

[Oliverlogan263]

Aw man, that's a tough situation little mama. It's never easy breaking things off, but gotta do what's best for you in the end, feel me?

Seeing how this dude didn't step up even though he got way more time than most to get his shit together, I think you made the right call that he just ain't on your level. Ain't nobody got time to carry no grown ass man!

When you break it to him, I'd keep it real but also kind. Like "I care about you but I can't be with someone who don't even try improve their life. You gotta want better for yourself before someone else can want it for you."

Make clear it ain't about changing him, just that you outgrew where he's at. And you need a true partner who steps up like you do, not another child to look after, ya feel me?

It's gonna hurt like hell and he'll probably try convince you to stay. But stand your ground sis. You deserve someone who lifts you up too, not weighs you down. They out there - keep your head up!

Let me know if you need anything else a'ight. We all in this together trying to find people who make us better. You got this mama!

[Asker]

Thank you for your positive words. I will be talking to him in the next couple of days. I want what’s best for him , but I recognise we are on different levels- I require an equal, someone driven that is not full of “I’ll do that one day or that’s because this person etc “. He has a lot of healing to do , I needs to recognise that he can have what he wants and what he desires/deserves if he never stops grinding. I can’t be the one that does that for him. I am building my empire with young child in tow at a late age , recovering from poor decisions and less then ideal DV situations The odds are already against me but I’m doing the hard work to undo stuff - he just doesn’t want to. I am wanting to purchase my own house, working to pay off car early etc - he has no desire for that stuff. His instability and inability to chase what he wants makes me feel stuck waiting despite him treating me with the utmost respect and care.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah, I totally hear you. It's tough trying to build something for yourself and your kid when the other person isn't on the same page. You gotta do what's best for your future, even if it means some hard conversations.

When you talk to him, I'd focus on being real about where you're at in your life and what you need from a partner. Make it less about what he's lacking and more that you're just in different places right now. Even though he treats you good, that alone isn't enough if he can't match your drive and ambition.

It's good that you want what's best for him too. Maybe sharing your own story of overcoming obstacles will help him see what's possible if he puts in the work. But you can't make him change - he has to want that for himself. Don't feel bad if this is what you need to do for you and your son. You gotta look out for your own goals first.

Hope it goes as smooth as it can. Just keep it respectful and let him know you still care about him as a person even if you're not right for each other long run. Wishing you the best moving forward, luv!

[exitseven]

This guy is happy with his life. Not everyone wants a life in the fast lane. If you sre going to break up with him it is not necessary to tell him what you think is wrong with him. Just break up with him a the then start looking for a rich guy.

[Asker]

I don’t want a life in the fast lane as such , i want my equivalent. I want someone that wants a life, wants to get out of debt, wants to push harder and smarter to reach goals - ideally that HAS goals not just exists. I don’t care about his paycheck. I have two of my own that does exactly what it needs to do - I need presence not presents. Thank you for your input about not telling him what I believe is wrong with him - I naturally would have tried to explain it because I don’t like anyone I care about wondering :)

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[slatyb]

You just say "I don't think this is going to work for me. I wish you all the best."

[Asker]

Thank you for your input.

[ThrillSeeker01]

I don't think there's any really easy way to break up. Just maybe say it's better for both of you to move on, let him down easy.

[Asker]

Thank you , last thing I would do is be unkind :)

[ThrillSeeker01]

Very welcome

[Anonymous]

For the same reason some women fail to launch. The difference is that men are judged more harshly for it because society expects men to be successful, independent providers. Not so for women.