Why don’t men make the first move?

Question

PoliteSpeaker · Accepted Answer

95% of people don't have an expectant attitude toward life aka a bad attitude. It's a lack of self-esteem, self-worth, self-image, awareness, and faith. All which are held in the paradigm except awareness. And the only way to change the paradigm is to do something outside the paradigm, which still requires repetition. The paradigm controls 95% of our habitual behavior and almost all of our behavior is habitual.

When we go to do something outside the paradigm it CAUSES FEAR. Fear activates the stress center of the brain which is the opposite of the reward center of the brain. It causes a lack of motivation or a lack of action. The word flee might be a good one.

If I ask you to sell your house and use the money to start your own business... How would that make you feel? If I ask you to drop out of college and start a business because you'll make more money doing that than whatever job you're planning to do, how would that make you feel? You see that is a sound idea but to most, it's not quite in harmony with their paradigm.
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Metaphysical perspective:

When you get emotionally involved with an idea of doing something that is not in harmony with your paradigm it sets up a uncomfortable vibration. Lets say you paradigm holds X ideas in it and the new idea is a Y idea... When you go to impress that Y idea on your emotional mind, the subconscious mind, the paradigm doesn't want to accept it. Thus the uncomfortable vibration.

Emotion = Conscious awareness of the specific of vibration you're in

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American Philosophy of Great Achieve by Napoleon Hill student of Andrew Carnegie
"ACCURATE analysis of over 25,000 men and women who had experienced failure, disclosed the fact that LACK OF DECISION was near the head of the list of the 30 major causes of FAILURE. This is no mere statement of a theory— it is a fact. PROCRASTINATION, the opposite of DECISION, is a common enemy which practically every man must conquer.

Analysis of several hundred people who had accumulated fortunes well beyond the million dollar mark, disclosed the fact that every one of them had the habit of REACHING DECISIONS PROMPTLY, and of changing these decisions SLOWLY, if, and when they were changed. People who fail to accumulate money, without exception, have the habit of reaching decisions, IF AT ALL, very slowly, and of changing these decisions quickly and often."

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

I'm assuming it's when "you know somethings up", but they don't act. they aren't men but wounded little boys inside. That was me for a long long time. For whatever their reason, they know somethings up, but choose not to... self worth, fear, priority... like too much going on, they are with someone else.

For most of my life, it was fear from bad emotional programming/fear/shame and selfishness. The more attracted I was, the more I'd shut down. Otherwise, I'd come up with reasons to avoid or reject. It came from my inner emotions.. to protect my inner lack of self worth. Rather than think about her and how I could make her life better, I thought about myself... I'm talking about how I reacted/thought over most of my life, not one instance.

Emotional Abuse as a child lead to me feeling like I wasn't worthy, I'd run if I liked a girl and I'd freeze if one talked trying to get closer/intimate in that way. The few girls who tried to reach out were left baffled, rejected and confused. I recall feeling good when I'd reject her emotionally.. it is what I got, so I gave it to others. This was my sadness coming out as some other low emotion.

Lack of experience, self confidence and handling rejection is a factor as is shyness.

I put curses on myself. For example, I cursed myself that I never wanted a family after hearing about a man who lost his whole family in a car accident (high school).
Another root would be my family in that I didn't get support to talk to girls, have family of my own from my mom or dad as I can recall. I got ridicule from them, lots of put downs and as a sensitive kid, it dug deep into my psyche. It took to long to recover from all that as I avoided it all. So I stayed away from girls.

This is why I don't buy the concept of the book "he's just not that into you". That thought is a simple explanation for a complex emotional topic. Sure, maybe he's not... but he's messed up. Unless he can give you a clear confident answer, somethings messed up in him emotionally.

you may think it's all about you... your hair, nails etc.. I rejected girls for those reasons, but that's not the real issue.

I have a girlfriend now whom I love. I wouldn't if she hadn't put so much effort into understanding me and challenging my flawed self perceptions.

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

Yeah right. That's the stupidest thing I've heard in a long time.

Why don't GIRLS ever make the first move?

The guys are stopping because of the climate today. And girls' reactions, when they do.
And other guys don't, for the EXACT same reasons that girls don't. Who wants to put their neck out there and risk being rejected?

devilish-cutie · Accepted Answer

because all they teach as is wrong.
men are actually afraid and only make movies if a woman makes it very clear she likes him and only cause its expected of him to make that move
other men that make move on you usually do it cause they dont really care about you and only want sex

JSmuve · Answer

Say it with me boys and girls: Because women don't put themselves in positions to be approached and asked out.

How many times a day do you go out where you can honestly say that this would be a very good time for a guy to approach you and make a move? My guess is 0 or 1.

And even then, that time for someone to approach you likely wouldn't last for more than 10 minutes before it's gone.

The fact is, women spend the majority of their days when they're not at home either on their phones, with their earbuds in, with their friends, running errands, buried in their laptops, or moving somewhere, generally completely disengaged with the outside world. And do they ever let us know that they don't wanna be approached when they're busy, which is the majority of the day. Mercy to the guy who tries to inconvenience a women when she's busy.

So it's no wonder that guys don't make the first move. You don't give guys the opportunity. Then when a guy does decide to be bold and try to pull something from nothing, he's at best met with a tepid, uninspired response from you or a flat out cold reproach at worst. Maybe he might succeed once out of every 20 times. But who's got the inclination to try that many times? We have lives too.

If we don't take the initiative and instead wait for indicators of interest, we could be waiting a bloody long time because lots of women suck at giving out their indicators, largely because they're so used to ignoring guys that they don't know how to signal interest or they're too self-conscious and don't want to appear "obvious". The end result is that your indicators wind up being either too subtle or too inconsistent for a guy, who's been conditioned to assume women do not want to be approached, to pick up on and act (assuming that you're even in a position where you can be reasonably approached).

Then there's the women who proclaim that guys should stop "annoying" women by approaching them because if a woman was interested, she'd make the first move herself (which we all know is a crock of shit or else this question, and all the variations of it that have been asked ad nauseum, would not exist).

So that's it in a nutshell.

Novacane · Answer

I would say blame 3rd wave feminism. We have really pushed this idea that women don't want to be approached and many women have come and complained about being approached by men. Don't get me wrong there are men that catcall and harass women and nobody is saying it's right, we can all agree that they are in the wrong but also understand not every man is like that if anything in most cases it's not but those are extreme scenarios.

As mentioned so many women have opened up about how they hate men even approaching them and start labeling them a creep, weirdo, etc. Even on social media, you can see all the women talking about the men that try to court them. We all know that there is a fine line between creepy and romantic and it all depends if the girls find you attractive. So men are finally fed up with the accusations that now you see men not even bothering with making the first move because let's are honest the likeliness that a man will get rejected by a woman is fairly high compared to the chances a woman gets rejected by a man which are very rare.

There are also many instances where women go out of their way to reject when not necessary, I once opened the door for a woman and she told me "I don't need a man opening doors for me" when I open doors for anyone man or woman. I've seen instances when a man tries to ask a girl a question and she replies "I have a boyfriend" before even hearing the question. Women just really went out of their way to make men feel bad for approaching and then complain about why they don't approach. We understand that not all women are like that, but all you need is one bad experience and that seals the deal.

Finchie40 · Answer

I think today’s world with social media has been fucking people’s heads up and brainwashing people to believe that every girl is a whore and every girl is a cheater same goes for men , most guys are scared to get into a relationship or they feel she won’t be interested in him cuz he doesn’t compare to these ripped fit guys that are posted all over the internet that she is probably glued to so most people’s confidence levels have been shattered , I lived in a time where social media really wasn’t a thing , we didn’t have smart phones by our sides, so when you actually met someone you were attracted to and liked them , you had a better chance of getting that person’s interest cuz you weren’t being bombarded by tons of other options , with smart phones people tend to have a lot of options , This world to me has been going to hell in a hand basket , it’s sad to see , it’s like tables have turned so it’s ok for a girl to make a move on a guy instead of the other way around , if she really likes a guy she honestly should make a first move as well because nowadays no one really knows and feels confidence about themselves

Diodoro · Answer

Either we are not attracted,
you're giving off signals that we shouldn't,
we were thinking about how do it,
we don't notice you,
or just scared..

For me I'm not really thirsty about it. It mostly depends on the location, and occasion on whether or not I'll even approach so to speak. I'll set up opportunities for something to happen, but I just expect opportunities to come by so I don't go chasing them

I prefer to deal with girls who are engaged, rather than girls who are averting their gaze for whatever the reason may be. Maybe their social anxiety, maybe they don't wanna get caught staring. I don't know or care

I'll talk to the girl that's already looking at me with good eye contact and smiling which is one of the best invitations you can ever give a guy.

As a girl you can't be avoiding people, avoiding eye contact, looking away, sitting with the shoulder shrug posture and at the same time be wondering why guys aren't coming up to talk to you. All of those behaviors exhibit not wanting it lol

globetrotter22 · Answer

Most men do NOT like approaching women but we do it because we HAVE to. Very rarely do women approach men also women don’t handle rejection as well as men do (guys grow callus over time). I’ve had some women be extremely rude and I’ve been publicly humiliated a handful of times. It was horrible but I was told to “man up” and I have to. That’s not going to change but I wish women had more respect for what it’s like for guys in those scenarios.

Also I’ve been called “gay” more than once by a frustrated girl I turned down. How do you see guys labeling women lesbians for when they get turned down?

Then of course came along #metoo which immeasurably screwed this all up on entirely different level.

Ladies true equality requires work and risks from women as well (surprise surprise). The guy you like may have no idea your interested. We can’t read minds. Also the chances of him being rude to you is exponentially lower than vice versa. Even if you find out he isn’t interested, so what? At least you know where he stands and you did what you could.

If more women approached men then we wouldn’t have half the frustration we have now in society. All you need to do is say hello to him and smile. You don’t even have to lead the conversation like men are expected to. He will get the hint and take it from there.

TDDMS · Answer

I will speak for myself on this issue and I will draw from my experiences between American and east Asian women primarily Korean and Japanese. Here's what I've encountered with American women:

Very combative
Extremely arrogant
Too many have drank the feminist Kool Aid whether consciencly or not
They don't take care of their bodies.
They make dating and relationship insanely difficult
Too many exhibit symptoms of the Cluster B Category (narcissistic, psychopath, BPD)
When I engage w/ an American woman, I feel at too many times I need to keep a lawyer on retainer and keep said lawyer on a 30 second standby.

Here's what I've experienced with east Asian women:

Very easy to approach and ask them out. They generally make it easy for a man to approach them.
Flirting with them is easy.
Expressing my relationship and sexual desires is easy.
They keep their bodies in shape
If I brush up against their tits or ass, I don't have the sudden need to call in my army of lawyers to defend myself
The vast majority of them have not drank the feminist Kool Aid. And in fact mock women who do.
Many of them are on the level
When we have differences, unlike American women where I feel like I'm in a locked cage with a Bengal tiger fighting for my life, differences are easy to work out and navigate.

So that's why I rarely approach American women.

crazy8000 · Answer

There are other thing's to life than female's and their laziness on this point.

You can't attract them by just being a female.

You have to put some real effort.

To much villainizing of a gender.

Get accused of horrible thing's that isn't true.

Get beaten because of your unrealistic fear that they are gonna do thing's that has low likelihood of happening.

Female hate of males.

Bad attitude.

Repulsive/no attracting signals.

Feed up by all shit.

Have enough with themselves.

Can't get attracted to female's that doesn't take first initiative and keep on taking them to get him.

...

There can be many different reasons.

I give this advice.
Take a look at yourself and the primary group you belong to.
Is it something you would do if it was reverse.
If not. begin to think of becoming a better person yourself.

People usually want change but doesn't want to do the change.

People that usually have to do thing's and get shit tends to stop doing it. even the same when getting used.
it have nothingto do with weakness. only narcissistic individuals say that to keep someone at bay and not change.

cth96190 · Answer

Why?
Because women have made it too dangerous for men to have interaction with them, let alone make a sexual advance.
The list includes, but is not limited to:
1. False rape allegations.
2. Sexual harassment allegations.
3. Title IX.
4. #MeToo.
5. Anti-catcalling laws that make it an Orwellian thought crime and a hate crime to have any form of interaction with a female.
Women, as a collective, have made themselves so toxic that only a man who had a death wish would be in the same room as one.

CarolineW · Answer

I think a lot of them are just nervous. I imagine that if you are not a super confident guy, then approaching a girl is a big, big thing. Getting knocked back must affect their confidence as well, which is why, if a guy approaches me, and I am not interested, I try to be sensitive and polite when I say no.

nice-girl · Answer

If they don't make the first move it means that they don't like enough the girl. Second, they might fear rejection.
Also, the woman must have an open energy to be approached by guys. When someone shows some closed body language signs she communicated in a non-verbal way that she doesn't want to be approached, even that she is not verbally talking. Studies show that 70-90% of communication is non-verbal. Guys who are better at getting social clues understand this and avoid rejection by not approaching her.

Kiss_Me · Answer

Its called limiting beliefs. There are TONS of articles and videos on the subject. I suggest giving some of them a read/ watch.

Guys have things happen to them. Their brain attempts to lock onto why it happened. Since negative things are easier to remember, they lock onto some (often false) reason why it happened. Over time, these limiting beliefs can accumulate and cause significant confidence problems.

To directly answer your question: Guys falsely feel the chances of success are slim to none, so they do not even try. - OR - They feel the social penalties for even making an attempt is way to high. Its much lonelier but safer to just being perceived as a friend.

daisy_jones · Answer

Sometimes they are just completely oblivious to girls flirting with them. I had few of my guy friends tell me that unless a girl is flirting REALLY obviously with them, they wouldn't think she's interested. Usually, they will make a move if they are sure a girl likes them cause they don't want to get rejected, just like us.

Effably · Answer

Why should we? Get me right, we often do the whole approaching and asking the other one out and all. That said I want a go-ahead, sign of interest prior to this. If a girl isn't giving me any go-signs I am also not going to approach, barring some special circumstance.

So well, if you are not flirting it and making your own interest clear, of course most guys won't try to make thing awkward for both of you. Even the hardcore experienced player type will look for some sort of signs of approval.

dragoblack · Answer

I don't because of my history of constant rejection of being told, "I'm not interested", "I'm already with someone" ,"i don't find you attractive at all", "i don't think of you that way", "eew, no!" And having women walk away ghosting mid conversation, Along with my unwillingness to play bullshite mindgames, use manipulation tactics, and play "the chase" (which can be dangerous because men don't understand if women who play the chased are playing hard to get, or actually meant "no")

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Why don't women make the first move?

The answer to either question is some do, some don't.

I don't becuase the women always do it first. it takes me a long time to figure out a person's true self (usually about 3 years), and until I know them fully, I won't know if I even wanna make a move.

Most of the women I hang out with on a daily basis that like me tend to make a move on me within a few weeks or months, long before I would have, and long before I'm ready to give an answer.

godfatherfan · Answer

Men should be asking that of women. Young women seem to be ok with making the first move. Very very few women of my age will make the first move. I am sick of doing it. I want to know she is actually interested in me, not just going along until she finds someone better just to get some free meals or drinks.

DonkeyDan · Answer

We do, ok not all of us, but most first moves are by men. Many men won't make a first move out of fear of rejection. Traditionally women would never make the first more as it wasn't seen as ladylike, but in recent years more and more women are taking to the first move which in my eyes is great, it shouldn't have to be all on men.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Because it's been beat out of us from a young age. Social conditioning. The brain learns that certain behaviors are good or bad. It's kind of hard to overcome.

Even if 75% of women want us to change, we're still going to defer to the 25% of women who don't. Because the more conservative viewpoint is what shapes the standards of society.

hahahmm · Answer

What's in it for the guy? Women are dangerous to men because she can accuse him of sexual assault/harassment and destroy his life without evidence. Plus the average woman today thinks that life is all about herself. She has nothing to offer that he can't get from every other woman. There's nothing special about her that makes him focus on her.

ThoughtCatalog · Answer

Hello 🙂

First, let's define taking the first step. Taking the first step is a disgusting gamble. When a man takes the first step, he tramples on his pride, disregards his ego, chains his self-confidence to his feet, and thus engages in gambling.

Think now. A man got a urge to gamble. He trampled on his pride. He ignored his ego. He chained his self-confidence to his feet. In short, he sacrificed a lot of things. He went and gambled and opened up to the girl. The girl refused this quite nastily. Do you think it would be easy for a man to return all this? Of all the sacrifices gone to waste? That his ego, pride, and self-confidence were shattered?

So to sum it up, the first step is a disgusting gamble. It's a risky and disgusting gamble. The man who doesn't take the first step is smart and isn't stupid to take all the risks.

Dragonpurple · Answer

One could ask, why don't women make the first move?

Likely many of the same reasons.

That and nowadays, it could be considered microaggression if a unattractive guy asks to buy the first drink, but not considered that if a attractive guy offers to buy her a drink.

Best bet is if you want someone to make the first move, do it yourself.

molonski2 · Answer

I have always made the first move , but Im not frightened with regard to consequence , so any for of rejection doesn't bother me , just never has , I just always felt that if you dont ask you dont get.
Plus , I do like being the one initiating things , same when I was younger.

Interstate · Answer

It is a known fact Women are a much more out-spoken and assertive people. They generally jump at the chance of a Guy when she gets the chance, and by the time the equation is worked, they are already sitting in a Coffee shop or Red Lobster getting to know each other.

MCheetah · Answer

This required its own MyTake.

boggboss · Answer

They do this conversation comes up a lot yet males are still the primary initiators of interaction for dating the difference is now many guys these days are not as confidant and believe that part of equality is women having to also make the first move

Jlegacy · Answer

Many times, a man is safe if the woman makes the first move. He gives his best when she does because she initiated it and would bare the cost if things go south.

All my previous relationships are exactly like that. The ladies made the first move.

When you find the one from God, there is no fear. Anyone can move first.

ChiTown33 · Answer

I can't speak for all guys but I've asked enough women out in my lifetime. And I've been rejected enough. That quite frankly I really don't want to waste any more energy on it. Some women will read this and conclude that I hate women. Oh contraire! I have MANY women FRIENDS. And that's where it ends. I like them and want to keep them in my life which is why we are friends.

Johnagain · Answer

It's safer. Men in majority, are less gracious about being embarrassed by that possibility of being shot down if they break the ice. They've learned (well, a lot have) that trick that (most) women have used for years; let the other pursue you and just lead them in; make it easier as you see fit.
I get that from an ex of mine, and I've talked to men who are "players," for lack of better word.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

Woman are cold, indifferent and unapproachable. I’ve been glared at for holding the door for a woman.

pink_and_inlove · Answer

Some men still do but in my case I had to and that’s a bit tough as an extremely shy girl but it was worth it

Anonymous · Answer

Easy. A man could be arrested or lose their job just for approaching a woman nowadays.

It's a scary world for a single man simply wanting to talk to a woman in that context.

Let alone the age-old nervous butterflies fears. Nuh uh. It's more like, I don't wanna be labelled a potential creeper or potential stalker or potential harasser and so on and so on.

What's a man to do but just sit quietly and ignore said woman. And play video games instead 😋😋😋👏👏👏👏

Anonymous · Answer

Ma'am. It's usually the men who do make the first move. and it doesn't have to always be men to make the first move but making the first move shows confidence and confidence is kinda cute sometimes. but as a shy introverted person, I would probably just never even try tbh.. ima just wait until marriage lol

Anonymous · Answer

99% of the time the women will use your attention for the ego boost. Don’t deny it you know it’s true. There’s that 1% of girls who will actually reciprocate back. But how tf are we supposed to know who is and who isn’t in that 1% pool. So we won’t approach or make a move.

Anonymous · Answer

Nervousness about rejection. Pretty standard.

Frustration with the lack of fairness in that situation.

The risks perceived with it due to cancel culture, feminism, toxic female culture, etc.

Like, why risk it? Especially when women won’t make the first move? I’m not stocking my neck out for someone who expects and demands that I do so.

Celtero · Answer

Because fuck that shit. In this day and age, apparently telling a woman she's pretty or asking her on a date is sexual harassment. No thanks, and maybe women can stick their neck out for once.

knightly92 · Answer

Because most of us don't want rape charges and of course y'all can't just make it known that it's wanted for example a simple kiss from y'all can tell us yes or no but being silent and just staring at us like we were supposed to read your minds bored if you have ulterior motives I ain't catching a case and he'll wtf happened to the real women that aren't afraid to make a move y'all don't wanna be called a hoe then make it known wtf you want

Questyunurazhol · Answer

Because we're not interested in you girls anymore... Back in the days when you was nice friendly people there was a point in trying to persue a girl we like... Now your all jus big bitches, with a guarantee brutal rejection and possible sexual harrassment accusations... It's not worth it anymore... You make the first move... I'm not risking getting kicked in the balls or going to jail for a 1% chance of success in getting a girlfriend...

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Make the 1st move for what? So she says oh sorry i'm taken? So she says, don't harrass me call the police? So she ignores me? So she shows off? 🤣 I'll approach a girl who deserves to be approached!

Lionman95 · Answer

Because I´m normally not getting when a woman is flirting with me until someone tells me.
I´m not always sure if I really love a woman or if I just like her.
I´m generally not good at starting a conversation in generally.

MarkRet · Answer

A lot of men DO make the first move, but then there are a lot of men who are too nervous, figure they don't have a chance, so they don't even try.

Siren777 · Answer

Maybe you're not approachable or he thinks you're taken. He assumes. Men make the first move for the women they want.

Tiptoetamm · Answer

They want to be respectful and it's super sweet so I make the first move a lot

Curmudgeon · Answer

Because the rewards of doing so have fallen, and the risks and costs of doing so have risen. When something rewards less and pays off less, you get less of it.

Vikkrram · Answer

You know what... I am answering it all straight... We all wanna play safe and we all fear from Rejections... that's it. Wether it's a man or women.

K-I-S-S · Answer

Not many women are worth it these days.  So guys tend to want to make sure the woman is a great catch first, the ones who actually want to hang out with you between sex sessions.

Avicenna · Answer

We do, but sometime the first move comes in other ways. For example, a young lady spoke to me yesterday to see if I was single so she could hook me up with her mom.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

It's just not worth the effort. The women aren't offering what we actually want/need emotionally, so it's not very compelling to get after a girl just to get laid, you know?

007kingifrit · Answer

they used to. but left wing politics are so disgusting and vitriolic and feminists are so overwhelmingly unpleasant to be around and 70% of women vote democrat under 30 so; its the democrat's fault

Anonymous · Answer

Because men are terrified that a first move would be interpreted ad some kind of sexual assault or harassment, and land him in prison, and ruin his life. Making the first move is literally the most dangerous thing a man can do with a woman.

genericname85 · Answer

Because today nothing a man can do to approach a woman is considered ok. It's all considered offensive or abusive or rape-is... That's why. Thank feminism for men not approaching Girls anymore.

Anonymous · Answer

Same reasons why women dont make the first move. If you like a guy, approach him. Who knows- you may meet your soulmate.

ChiPaPa · Answer

What planet are you on? Men ask all the fucking time. I spent fourteen years looking for a girlfriend, making the first moves.

Renegade_Sailor · Answer

Because society started punihing men for being classically masculine.

Jem38 · Answer

Some are conservative. some are shy to make the first move.

Grubhub · Answer

I don’t because most girls I come across are either nervous or avoid eye eye contact with me so I don’t approach. I don’t approach because I don't know if they find me attractive or find me creepy or perhaps they’re scared of me.

TheBigGuy9 · Answer

Men are currently being turned into what it’s like to not be a man. I see it when I talk to people. It’s like they have gaps missing in their brain of what makes a man, a man.  You’re fucked!

moviedude714 · Answer

Maybe a lot of guys are getting tired and resentful of having to be the initiators? But lots of them still do since society and nature or the world still dictates that of guys

KingofCups · Answer

In reality, women always signal to men when they want to be approached and then men take the initiative. A 'cold approach' without a subtle invitation almost always ends in failure

Mortdikeuu · Answer

A guy that I've liked for years just told me he liked me. I actually want to burst with happiness.

_no_one_ · Answer

It's been a while since I made the first move coz honestly i don't really feel like doing it anymore.

Why don’t men make the first move?

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