Why do guys have to make first move?

[Anonymous]

Ladies howcome unless we don't make the first move you won't talk to us?

[Anonymous]

For Girls sometimes it shyness and that's understandable. But it seems like a common excuse when its not always the case. A lot of women are very outgoing and quite capable of making a move with a guy. Yet they don't and expect the guy to do so. Guys can be shy too. So whether its a girl or guy if the other person shows interest but is obviously shy, its a no brainer, the other person should make a move because they will be thankful you did because they liked you and wanted to do something but had their tongue tied.

Shyness is one thing. But the girls who make the guy make the effort just because they can because "they're girls" piss me off. I strongly believe women are more picky and indecisive in partners than men and therefore reject more men than men reject women. Therefore men are at the mercy of women rejecting them or not which gives them sort of control. A position I as a man don't like to be in. From my observations its seems like men pursue women and desire them more then women do men. And women were to approach men their chances of rejection would be much lower than men approaching women.

Lastly, the women who don't want to be approached and who are extremely rude and bitchy just because a guy approaches them. If women want men to "blindly" approach them , then how are we as men supposed to know who wants to be approached and who dosent. We don't know if who we are approaching is going to be friendly and social or a ticking time bomb who's going to call the police and cry sexual harassment just because a guy approached them trying to talk to them.

[Absolut1l]

Because nature my friend.

Men, by nature, are programmed to seek out mates. Women on the other hand, are wired to evaluate the men who seek them out as mates. Just take online dating as an example. Go make a fake female profile. You'll get dozens of messages from all sorts of men. If you make one for yourself, you'll probably get very, very few messages over a long period of time. Even if you are handsome, successful and attractive with a well crafted profile. Of course culture also plays a role.

[NanaKy]

Personally I am very shy.. So some girls are too shy to make the first move... On the other hand, there are girls that are 'selfish'. They won't do anything unless you make the first move because they think that this is appropriate and they usually say 'if he likes me he will make the first move'. Plus, some guys take girls who make the first move as granted and lose any interest they have for the girl. Of course, there are some young ladies that have been hurt by a guy (or a girl who knows) and they are afraid to open their heart again and give love, even if they like a guy. Besides, all girls ( I think- or most of them) are afraid of rejection (who doesn't ;p?) and they prefer being alone than taking the risk and give it a shot. There are many reasons why girls don't do the first move, each girl has her own. Plus this shouldn't annoy you. Girls ( I think) like the guys who are not afraid to make the first move, because we know that making the first move, isn't easy, so if you do it means that you are really interested. I get really flattered if a guy shows his interested, and even if I don't like him that much, I find him more attractive than before XD In my opinion the insecurity is responsible for this situation. Last but not least, don't generalise young man, there are plenty girls out there who do make the first move.

[blondfrog]

that is so not true i would not lose interest at all if the girl made the first move if anything i would like her more

[ndzn17]

I usually make the first move, especially when I really really like the guy a lot. Thing is, he just ends up trying to take me for granted so I end up ignoring them and literally act like nothing between us ever happened because I'm not gonna waste my precious time on someone who's just gonna waste mine.. but when it comes to the guy I love, he literally just ignores me and smiles whenever I ask why he's so mean to me /: it sucks and its sad because he just graduated high school and when I contacted hissister and asked if I have permission to have his number, he said he doesn't remember me.. so in my opinion, that is why I actually will not talk/approach any other guy anymore. I will not make the first move anymore but everyone has different experiences and have their own reasons c: but if its not reasonable, then they're just being a b*tch or an A-hole

[FierceMegan2]

A lot of girls do make the first move (eye contact, smiling at the guy, walking by him and slightly grazing his arm, etc.), but most guys have such low self esteem that they don't even notice. Watch Matthew Hussey on YouTube. He gives great insight on relationships.

[slootitup]

wouldnt you say the reason most guys have such low self esteem in the first place is because women never compliment or pay attention to them?

[mantobee]

@stooltup true , its because girls never give average guys a chance and just want good looking guys

[FierceMegan2]

Again, watch Matthew Hussey. He has coached over a 1,000 men on how to get the girl and now he's coaching women.

I don't agree personally with your excuse. Matthew Hussey can explain why too.

[Hamburgers]

Men need to stop complaining about this.

There are pro's and con's to both genders.

Sure, men have to approach first, but we get to have as many sexual partners as we please. Men are then ladiesmen, women on the other hand are sluts.

Girls have the control before sex.

Men have the control after sex.

Also, since we are to approach, we have COMPLETE control of who our partner will be.

Women on the other hand have to wait and hope, and most of the time, the guys that approach them aren't the guys they want.

So, although we are forced to approach, they lose in the end because they don't get who they want but we do.

[mantobee]

BS , we get to have many sexual partners . That only works for good looking guys , been rejected over 200 times now and not even one yes

[Hamburgers]

That's true. But if you suddenly hit the lottery and became a 100 millionaire, you'd be getting laid left and right.

In which case, you wouldn't be a "slut."

With women, your situation doesn't matter. You could have Oprah Winfrey money, look like Jessica Alba, or ugly as Roseanne. If you f*** a bunch of dudes you'll always be a slut.

[snowangle]

You really get it Hamburgers. +1

Also, mantobee is Adamfk1. :P

[Hamburgers]

Haha, are those the two guys I'm accused of being? :X

[TedStar]

I think girls are more comfortable with never knowing that someone likes or is interested in them compared to guys. I mean as guys if we like someone we take responsibilty for our own happiness and make a move on the girl we fancy. Some girls have been waiting. They will have crushes on guys and nothing will come of it because they didn't want to make the first move. I don't know how I could live not telling someone I fancy that I was interested. I don't know how I feel about a girl who doesn't have the confidence or ambition to go after a guy she likes.

It is unfortunate that in 2013 gender roles are still a problem, but on the positive side I've seen more and more girls make that first move because they. Realise that sometimes they will like a guy before he likes them and they want to be in charge of their own potential happiness

[Anonymous]

simple solution is to meet someone online, bigger dating pool, does not cost anything to meet anyone new IE: driving somewhere to meet a person. Dating online you have many more opportunities and if you fail no one knows about it. Online dating doesn't take as much work you can micro manage the work done. You can really get to know someone before the first date. It is really a win win. No approaching necessary! You my friend could stumble upon the easiest dating possibilities when you turn to the internet.

[Anonymous]

"Ladies how come unless we don't make the first move you won't talk to us?" If I had to take a wild guess, I would say their reasoning's for them not talking to guys if they guy doesn't make the first move is the same reasons why a guy won't talk to a girl unless she makes a first move.

Reason 1. They are cowards.

Reason 2. They couldn't care less about meeting someone new even if they find that person extremely attractive. I'll live my life, they'll live their life, and if our paths cross then we'll go from there.

Reason 3. They feel that the opposite s.e.x. should be the one that approaches their sex. Whether it is a female thinking it's the males job to approach or a male thinking it's time to have role reversals and that females should be the one to approach.

Try not to over-complicate their reasoning, especially when this question has been asked a billion times.

[xzinax2]

this has been answered plenty of times-some women do,some don't. also,a user has recently admitted that men want to be the ''men'' (by gender roles) when it comes to paying,proposing,chivalry-basically everything except approaching. some don't even like that. so,either walk the walk and approve of women being assertive and stop supporting male gender roles too,or just stop whining on the internet about something you don't even really want.

[idntlikeu]

Oh but we do!

I for example tend to glance a couple of times and smile if I'm interested (that's my move lol)... and usually if you don't approach after that, (I know it's bad to assume, but..) then I assume you're not interested, therefore I don't make a move.

[lumos]

Eh? I have no trouble making the first move on guys. Making the first move is overrated anyways. What happens afterward is way more important.

Also, nobody's forcing you to walk up to anyone and say hi. But you know, sometimes you have to work for the stuff/people you want, which means you probably have to make the first move. Regardless if you're a guy or a girl. Whining about it won't make it any more fun, though.

[MarilynHepburn]

here's the thing for me i spent FOREVER waiting for one guy in high school and i kept pushing him to ask me out and i realized i missed out on so many opportunities because i was waiting for him so from now on i wait for a guy to make the first move. they way i would explain it with a metaphor is i would leave a door unlocked for a guy just not hold it open and try to push him into it

[Thermia]

Whenever I made the first moves on guys, they eventually used and abused me or didn't take it seriously, but hey, at least I tried eh? My current long term relationship started when my guy approached me first. It probably doesn't matter, the two people just have to be compatible for it to work and someone has to make the first move.

[Olivia9]

Jesus Christ! It's literally the ONLY thing guys have to do that's why. Stop being so lazy

[DaKila]

But why do we "have" be the gender to make the first move? I think that's all he wants to know... -_-

[Vandal]

Welcome to the victimhood Olympics, folks!

[Olivia9]

Well you "have" to because by men's own admission they have the strongest sex drive and can't bear to keep it in their pants so yeah, I guess if you want sex you have to ask. Just like if you want a cheeseburger you order one. 1+1=2. I think it's pretty obvious, plus anyone who knows the stigmas that are attached to women when it comes to that stuff should know why men are to ask. @Vandal what exactly DO men DO? lol

[DaKila]

I am only 16 now so what I say about my sex drive probably means little to you. However, I reckon when I'm older, I would only be interested to have sex with someone I am in a long, committed relationship with. I don't think I would want to just approach a girl to get into her pants :P. As I said, I am 16 so I think my opinion holds little importance because of my age... :/

[Olivia9]

I agree with you DaKila but you are rare for a man unfortunately.

[windyCitysFinest]

since when does approaching a female have to do with sex at all? you olivia9 are a true feminist and I have seen and read many of your posts on question and people like you should quit the ignorance and the prodding that you do at men. only when a man gives an answer you like do you not jump his ass and talk down upon them "@Vandal what exactly DO men DO? lol" no one even brought up the getting into the pants thing except for you. really you need a self check on your attitude honestly

[Olivia9]

Who the f*** are you? Why do I care what you think? You clearly don't know the first thing about me or your wouldn't have wasted an hour of your time trying to form a coherent attack on me as a person. I'll give you a D- extra points for effort though.

[mantobee]

only thing ? hahaha

[Olivia9]

I think it's really funny because all the guys who commented this just quote what I've said yet none could come up with a single thing that they are expected to do besides ask a girl out

[DaKila]

Wtf? I was merely trying to clarify what the asker was asking for which is "why". My intention was to never help find an answer. The problem with what you said just there is that you are generalizing all our comments achieve one objective. The problem with that is that I wasn't trying to do that? I can't speak for the other guys here though...

[DaKila]

But your point still stands though, I haven't giving a one other thing a guy has to do beside asking a guy out though it was never my intention to dispute your argument...

[snowangle]

Olivia9 you are SO right.

[Vandal]

"@Vandal what exactly DO men DO? lol"

Lose the victimhood olympics

[Olivia9]

Thanks for proving my point Vandal... you are officially my echo.

[Vandal]

Thanks, champ. Enjoy the victimhood gold medal.

[Olivia9]

I never once said I was a victim you did. I'm sorry that you cannot even think of ONE thing guys actually do, if anyone should feel bad it's you.

[Jonny_]

It's a whole men roles d*** swinging competition... Girls usually like confidence, and alpha male qualities, which is ironically why they mostly date arrogant knobs then complain about the fact they're cocky arrogant knobs.

[Littletad]

Good answer here.

[Anonymous]

why do women have to deal with guys being rude & disrespectful to us after we reject them?

NEWSFLASH GUYS: just because you approach a girl does not mean she has to be interested in you. get over it.

[Opinion Owner]

i can tell I was down voted by the bitter men who are mad no girl wants them.

[Opinion Owner]

don't be mad at me because no woman wants you.

[kangaru]

I agreed

[Hyped_up_on_coffee]

They don't . It's a societal construct and it's bullshit

[RedThread]

Who said that you have to do anything? Do whatever the hell you want man. If men AND women want to get anywhere with anything they want in life they have to get used to chasing after it. It doesn't matter if it's relationships or personal success. If you want something GO AFTER IT because if you don't you can bet your ass somebody else will. I don't care if you're male or female we can't sit on our asses and expect results.

[Anonymous]

Well for me, I have no self confidence and I'm really shy when it comes to guys! I always have this thought in my head like "Oh he isn't going to like you, no one will"... I know it's bad but I've been through a lot so I have low self esteem, like I said! Lol. I guess part of it too is because I've never had a boyfriend, kiss, or acknowledgment from guys so I fear that I am just going to embarrass myself and he will shut me down. That's just me though.

[Bla4Ublah]

Don't worry, I'm exactly like you. On to of that, often when I would have a crush on some one, I find out that they were allready dating, so I feel like an idiot, AND guilty because I was eyeing someone who was allready taken.

[Vandal]

Well, we don't have to. It's just highly unlikely any guy who doesn't make the first move will be successful with women.

I think the reason women don't really make the first move is that there is very little (perhaps even no) incentive for them to do so.

[kitty4600]

Well I guess becuase we too are afraid of being rejected plus then if we do make the first move than gossip will spread that we are throwing ourselves into a boy.

[MortalShowdown]

Boohoo

Personally, as a guy, I love making the first move

[DanteSparda]

Because we're "supposed" to, which I think is nonsense. It's 2013, not 1950.

[NymphA]

Because we think you're not interested if you don't make the first move.