Why do guys have to make first move?

Ladies howcome unless we don't make the first move you won't talk to us?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • For Girls sometimes it shyness and that's understandable. But it seems like a common excuse when its not always the case. A lot of women are very outgoing and quite capable of making a move with a guy. Yet they don't and expect the guy to do so. Guys can be shy too. So whether its a girl or guy if the other person shows interest but is obviously shy, its a no brainer, the other person should make a move because they will be thankful you did because they liked you and wanted to do something but had their tongue tied.

    Shyness is one thing. But the girls who make the guy make the effort just because they can because "they're girls" piss me off. I strongly believe women are more picky and indecisive in partners than men and therefore reject more men than men reject women. Therefore men are at the mercy of women rejecting them or not which gives them sort of control. A position I as a man don't like to be in. From my observations its seems like men pursue women and desire them more then women do men. And women were to approach men their chances of rejection would be much lower than men approaching women.

    Lastly, the women who don't want to be approached and who are extremely rude and bitchy just because a guy approaches them. If women want men to "blindly" approach them , then how are we as men supposed to know who wants to be approached and who dosent. We don't know if who we are approaching is going to be friendly and social or a ticking time bomb who's going to call the police and cry sexual harassment just because a guy approached them trying to talk to them.

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What Girls Said 40

  • A lot of girls do make the first move (eye contact, smiling at the guy, walking by him and slightly grazing his arm, etc.), but most guys have such low self esteem that they don't even notice. Watch Matthew Hussey on YouTube. He gives great insight on relationships.

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    • wouldnt you say the reason most guys have such low self esteem in the first place is because women never compliment or pay attention to them?

    • @stooltup true , its because girls never give average guys a chance and just want good looking guys

    • Again, watch Matthew Hussey. He has coached over a 1,000 men on how to get the girl and now he's coaching women.

      I don't agree personally with your excuse. Matthew Hussey can explain why too.

  • Jesus Christ! It's literally the ONLY thing guys have to do that's why. Stop being so lazy

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    • But why do we "have" be the gender to make the first move? I think that's all he wants to know... -_-

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    • Thanks, champ. Enjoy the victimhood gold medal.

    • I never once said I was a victim you did. I'm sorry that you cannot even think of ONE thing guys actually do, if anyone should feel bad it's you.

  • Personally I am very shy.. So some girls are too shy to make the first move... On the other hand, there are girls that are 'selfish'. They won't do anything unless you make the first move because they think that this is appropriate and they usually say 'if he likes me he will make the first move'. Plus, some guys take girls who make the first move as granted and lose any interest they have for the girl. Of course, there are some young ladies that have been hurt by a guy (or a girl who knows) and they are afraid to open their heart again and give love, even if they like a guy. Besides, all girls ( I think- or most of them) are afraid of rejection (who doesn't ;p?) and they prefer being alone than taking the risk and give it a shot. There are many reasons why girls don't do the first move, each girl has her own. Plus this shouldn't annoy you. Girls ( I think) like the guys who are not afraid to make the first move, because we know that making the first move, isn't easy, so if you do it means that you are really interested. I get really flattered if a guy shows his interested, and even if I don't like him that much, I find him more attractive than before XD In my opinion the insecurity is responsible for this situation. Last but not least, don't generalise young man, there are plenty girls out there who do make the first move.

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    • that is so not true i would not lose interest at all if the girl made the first move if anything i would like her more

  • this has been answered plenty of times-some women do,some don't. also,a user has recently admitted that men want to be the ''men'' (by gender roles) when it comes to paying,proposing,chivalry-basically everything except approaching. some don't even like that. so,either walk the walk and approve of women being assertive and stop supporting male gender roles too,or just stop whining on the internet about something you don't even really want.

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  • Eh? I have no trouble making the first move on guys. Making the first move is overrated anyways. What happens afterward is way more important.

    Also, nobody's forcing you to walk up to anyone and say hi. But you know, sometimes you have to work for the stuff/people you want, which means you probably have to make the first move. Regardless if you're a guy or a girl. Whining about it won't make it any more fun, though.

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  • Oh but we do!

    I for example tend to glance a couple of times and smile if I'm interested (that's my move lol)... and usually if you don't approach after that, (I know it's bad to assume, but..) then I assume you're not interested, therefore I don't make a move.

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  • here's the thing for me i spent FOREVER waiting for one guy in high school and i kept pushing him to ask me out and i realized i missed out on so many opportunities because i was waiting for him so from now on i wait for a guy to make the first move. they way i would explain it with a metaphor is i would leave a door unlocked for a guy just not hold it open and try to push him into it

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  • Whenever I made the first moves on guys, they eventually used and abused me or didn't take it seriously, but hey, at least I tried eh? My current long term relationship started when my guy approached me first. It probably doesn't matter, the two people just have to be compatible for it to work and someone has to make the first move.

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  • They don't . It's a societal construct and it's bullshit

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  • Not all women wait. But those that do mostly fear rejection, nothing hurts more than rejection. Or they just don't want to risk getting hurt.

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  • It's easy for a girl to simply be in love and gossip and show it, but guys are to manly, and if the guy is willing to do something to get her, we know to give it a try with them

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  • Because we think you're not interested if you don't make the first move.

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  • This is something I HATE, guys and girls should do an Equal amount of "first moves". When girls get mad it's the stupidest thing ever!!

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  • Because girls think that when a guy doesn't make a move then he does not like her . Hah we are just too scared incase you dont like us that way ??

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  • I usually make the first move, especially when I really really like the guy a lot. Thing is, he just ends up trying to take me for granted so I end up ignoring them and literally act like nothing between us ever happened because I'm not gonna waste my precious time on someone who's just gonna waste mine.. but when it comes to the guy I love, he literally just ignores me and smiles whenever I ask why he's so mean to me /: it sucks and its sad because he just graduated high school and when I contacted hissister and asked if I have permission to have his number, he said he doesn't remember me.. so in my opinion, that is why I actually will not talk/approach any other guy anymore. I will not make the first move anymore but everyone has different experiences and have their own reasons c: but if its not reasonable, then they're just being a b*tch or an A-hole

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  • It's just how it is. We don't want to seem like we are dying over you and what not. :)

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  • Why? It's very simple. Because we don't need to.

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  • Because we never want to get turned down and if we do its far more embarrassing than a guy doing it. For me at least

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  • It's how it's been for decades. We're still judged today, so maybe if we had more respect for ourselves back then, we would have more respect now

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  • Iv always made the first move on a guy its never the guy making the move with me, i guess its a sign of confidence and also being a gentlemen something like that

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  • Because we don't want to look like a easy-pick girl.

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    • This question is older than the Sun, which is why it doesn't really have a date on it, nor on the best answer. Sometimes if you want to get something done, then it's reasonable to step forward.

  • I get that guys are as shy as girls when it comes to that, but when a chick gets rejected its all chocolate fudge Ben and Jerry's and Rom coms and a whole lotta ranting

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  • Idk about the ladies you've met, but I know I made the first move on this guy and now he's my boyfriend.. I went for what I wanted, maybe they just wanna know you actually want them

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  • Because we think it's Embarrasing for our friends to see that we are making the first move , your the man ... Come to me ! ?? .

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  • Historically that's how it's always been.

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  • Personally I feel uncomfortable being the one to try to talk first. It reassures me the guys into me and then I have an easier time talking and being myself

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  • They don't have to

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  • Because we're afraid of what your reaction will be and I knows it's probably the same for guys but girls like when a guy takes the lead, it makes her more comfortable. Kissing for the first time for example, that can be super nerve racking and girls will keep it off unless the guys does it first.

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  • Because we want a guy with the balls to approach us. We like a guy who's not afraid.

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  • Because no one likes being rejected, that my man is a true story.

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    • then why are we forced to get rejected ?

    • Bc some people just don't love us.:(

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What Guys Said 20

  • It's a whole men roles d*** swinging competition... Girls usually like confidence, and alpha male qualities, which is ironically why they mostly date arrogant knobs then complain about the fact they're cocky arrogant knobs.

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  • Who said that you have to do anything? Do whatever the hell you want man. If men AND women want to get anywhere with anything they want in life they have to get used to chasing after it. It doesn't matter if it's relationships or personal success. If you want something GO AFTER IT because if you don't you can bet your ass somebody else will. I don't care if you're male or female we can't sit on our asses and expect results.

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  • Well, we don't have to. It's just highly unlikely any guy who doesn't make the first move will be successful with women.

    I think the reason women don't really make the first move is that there is very little (perhaps even no) incentive for them to do so.

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  • Men need to stop complaining about this.

    There are pro's and con's to both genders.

    Sure, men have to approach first, but we get to have as many sexual partners as we please. Men are then ladiesmen, women on the other hand are sluts.

    Girls have the control before sex.

    Men have the control after sex.

    Also, since we are to approach, we have COMPLETE control of who our partner will be.

    Women on the other hand have to wait and hope, and most of the time, the guys that approach them aren't the guys they want.

    So, although we are forced to approach, they lose in the end because they don't get who they want but we do.

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    • BS , we get to have many sexual partners . That only works for good looking guys , been rejected over 200 times now and not even one yes

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    • You really get it Hamburgers. +1

      Also, mantobee is Adamfk1. :P

    • Haha, are those the two guys I'm accused of being? :X

  • Because nature my friend.

    Men, by nature, are programmed to seek out mates. Women on the other hand, are wired to evaluate the men who seek them out as mates. Just take online dating as an example. Go make a fake female profile. You'll get dozens of messages from all sorts of men. If you make one for yourself, you'll probably get very, very few messages over a long period of time. Even if you are handsome, successful and attractive with a well crafted profile. Of course culture also plays a role.

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  • Because we're "supposed" to, which I think is nonsense. It's 2013, not 1950.

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  • I think girls are more comfortable with never knowing that someone likes or is interested in them compared to guys. I mean as guys if we like someone we take responsibilty for our own happiness and make a move on the girl we fancy. Some girls have been waiting. They will have crushes on guys and nothing will come of it because they didn't want to make the first move. I don't know how I could live not telling someone I fancy that I was interested. I don't know how I feel about a girl who doesn't have the confidence or ambition to go after a guy she likes.

    It is unfortunate that in 2013 gender roles are still a problem, but on the positive side I've seen more and more girls make that first move because they. Realise that sometimes they will like a guy before he likes them and they want to be in charge of their own potential happiness

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  • Boohoo

    Personally, as a guy, I love making the first move

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  • tradition, yeah it's unfair but oh well, that's part of life

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  • cause you girls said so

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  • me being a guy I hate that I was dealt this card

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  • Because guys are too ugly to approach so we had to approach them

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  • Because men have made women feel like they are entitled to get approached first. Dumb men of the past took the bait and screwed up everything for men in the present in the future.

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  • the world is crafted to give advantages to women in every situation

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  • simple solution is to meet someone online, bigger dating pool, does not cost anything to meet anyone new IE: driving somewhere to meet a person. Dating online you have many more opportunities and if you fail no one knows about it. Online dating doesn't take as much work you can micro manage the work done. You can really get to know someone before the first date. It is really a win win. No approaching necessary! You my friend could stumble upon the easiest dating possibilities when you turn to the internet.

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  • "Ladies how come unless we don't make the first move you won't talk to us?" If I had to take a wild guess, I would say their reasoning's for them not talking to guys if they guy doesn't make the first move is the same reasons why a guy won't talk to a girl unless she makes a first move.

    Reason 1. They are cowards.

    Reason 2. They couldn't care less about meeting someone new even if they find that person extremely attractive. I'll live my life, they'll live their life, and if our paths cross then we'll go from there.

    Reason 3. They feel that the opposite s.e.x. should be the one that approaches their sex. Whether it is a female thinking it's the males job to approach or a male thinking it's time to have role reversals and that females should be the one to approach.

    Try not to over-complicate their reasoning, especially when this question has been asked a billion times.

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  • 'cause

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  • Because women are lazy and not that attracted to guys physically

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  • because

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  • Gender roles. It's stupid. I wish I could meet a girl who would come up to me and be like.. "hey want to go have sex and date after? I'll be the bread-winner".

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