Why is dating still so hard even when I’m going out and trying?

Question

I’ve been going out more, attending social events, and trying to meet people in real life. I’ve also gone on dates and tried dating apps, but nothing has developed into a relationship. I have moderate learning disabilities, so I do my best to communicate clearly, but men still don’t approach or things fade quickly.
Why does dating feel so hard even when I’m making the effort?

Mark_Est · Accepted Answer

2 reasons.

1st you are a modern woman, you aren't a virgin, you aren't feminine etc. That is most women these days, most likely you too. Or at least you look like one for men.

Traditional men want traditional women for traditional relationships.

Modern dudes will be the ones that want you, but for modern relationahips only (hookups, flings, one nighters etc etc).

Sometimes modern people try to mimic traditional relationships, but they fail cause they have traditional values needed to make it work.

2ndly you are too old. Men moslty look for 18-25 years old, for a wife.

There are many aspects to picking a 18 to 25 year old woman, not only do they look good. They are also more likely feminine, virgins (men aren't into cucking) and energetic with no drama. Can you find a 30 year old like that, sure, they are rare but exist.

But then comes the time issue. Its not a good idea to start dating a 30 year old for a year and pretty much then get her pregnant right away for her to give birth at 32. And then be tied down a lot with kids. With a 25 year old, 1 year to date and get to know them. 3 years to travel and have fun together, build memories. Then 2 years of working hard and building a home. By the time to have a first kid with a 25 year old she will be 31. 34 with the last kid.

With 18 she would be 26/29 and with a 30 year old woman she would be 36/39.

See how the math doesn't work? How even the 25 year old reaches the age of more risky and harder pregancies. If your plan is to just get pregnant after 3 months of knowing them then that is on you, but that is BS for most men.

That is why you have hard time dating. Your own past poor choices limiting your pool of options and outlook.

exitseven · Accepted Answer

It is hard. It has always been hard. So is finding a job. You just have to keep looking and trust that eventually you will find what you are looking for.

LatinaXv7 · Accepted Answer

I think maybe they feel like you’re going to entertain the idea of giving it up quick. I found that when I was on Dating sites or even being set up (blind dates, friends of friends, family members of people you know, etc.) It still felt awkward and that expectation to immediately jump into bed with them was still there.

A lot of the times I would avoid some of that by not posting any body pictures. Literally just my face. I would also explicitly explain before even meeting them “I’m looking for a relationship that could turn into something stable and long-term, so if you are looking for something casual or for physical interaction immediately after a couple dates, this just won’t work”.

I learned that I had to say that in the beginning because men going in with that idea and only try to pursue you thinking that’s what they’re going to get out of you. And for some reason— I’m not sure if this is what they believe (this is just my opinion), they think that since women are “desperate” to date that she’ll just give it up.

Unfortunately, most of the time I ever really met with anyone face to face because they would get annoyed by the fact that I really wanted to be a friend first before moving to the next phase.

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

Hard things are hard.

Special things take a lot of effort to achieve, generally. When they don't, and they happen too easily, we tend not to appreciate them as much.

It's hard for everyone. Take some comfort in that.

Don't give up. But also try to be mellow and adaptable. Think bend like a tree, not stand firm like steel.

Best of luck to you. There is always some luck and much effort involved...

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Half of the game is out of your control.
Men have a lot to lose in dating, and especially marriage. More than will admit it have already been burned badly and either they’re just going through the motions or they’re looking for perfection. Every little red flag turns them off. More still aren’t really sure what they want or need yet. Unfortunately that makes you a bit of a guinea pig for their experiments.
That’s not even counting the ones who don’t strike your fancy or somehow turn you off in the process.
Dating simply is not easy. It shouldn’t be. The good things don’t come easy. The bad things do.
If you want a good man, keep at it. If you just don’t want to be lonely, lower your standards.
That choice is yours.

DishLady · Answer

Bc it's sincerely difficult to find a good match. For example...

I don't like to date much, however for some reason in the past two years God has sent me a sort of challenge to find a companion. Several different fellows have landed on my path, each one with is own style, own past, own desires... And you either feel a "click and match" or you don't.

Added to that are fellows who are too busy "playing the field" to address the "click and match" once it hits... not valuing how rare it actually is.

As a result, it's often the case that they all have to be tossed back into the dating pool bc they're just not a good match.

It's a tedious process, however there you have it.

ohsheeT · Answer

Maybe you should start going for different reasons to enjoy the moment the time and not think so deeply and so hard about relationships are anything like that just be yourself and be there in that moment for you as somebody will see you in that light and then you never know what happens after that to change your reasoning for doing what you're doing and go to have fun you don't need to meet somebody or even think about that just let things happen clear your mind your energy will bring somebody to you if you're not thinking about it

Finchie40 · Answer

Because so many people today have set higher standards for themselves of what they will accept and not accept , so if you don’t match exactly what someone is looking for , your chances are slim. So many people are brainwashed by social media and things they see and hear about , thinking they only deserve the best , and unfortunately they will be single for a very long time if they don’t lower their standards and preferences period

AviatorTom · Answer

Finding a partner has never been easy. The best thing to do is don't try too hard. Date others for fun and entertainment. You may eventually meet someone that wants more than that. That's the way it's been for decades.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Have you tried asking any of the guys who have taken you on a date?

HawkPerception · Answer

I have so much to say on this, but I'm starting to feel like a broken recorder and it's exhausting. Women just aren't listening to men

MissSunshine2 · Answer

Oh yes, I'm a bit of a misfit myself. I've found that I'm continuously friendzoned by guys even though I've got a bubbly personality and I make friends easily and I'm attractive. Usually, they like me for a while then reject or dump me for 'Miss Right. If that doesn't happen, they live too far away to make it work. I noticed the common issue for me was myself. I wasn't very good at being independent and that showed and repelled guys.

Because of my dependant personality disorder, I got needy and overly intense up until just recently, when I was treated for it. I had a fear of abandonment, so I was subconsciously trying to buy approval and beg people not to leave me, which was scaring them away and causing them to lose respect for me. You may be being too nice and overly needy or sending out needy/desperate vibes. I suggest joining groups to meet people in person, like community choirs. You don't have to reject dating apps, just stop making the guys on them and pleasing them the main focus. Whether or not they please you should be the main focus.

_Lynx · Answer

Maybe having clear criteria and standards eases or even eliminate that failure feelings.

As in, expectations make us swing emotionally both happily or sadly. That's because it comes as a shock totally opposite of how we have been investing our thoughts and feelings to.
Proceeding in anything with expectations only based on feelings with no logic and balance is immature and will always hurt.

So dealing with things just calmly as taking input based on givens, makes us more realistic, more decisive, and actually focused on our actual main goal.
I hope this is clear by now.

For instance, we simply go on the first with nothing in mind but waiting to see what we will experience. We could be decisive as in rejecting based on what happened.. or still need more "studying"/checking so we go on another date until we decide pushing forth or not.. etc.

Whilst, if we go quite in a desparate manner trying our best with an idea of the likes of "This hopefully would be my time as I've got tired of this.. but let me just show I'm okay and cheerful".. and end up seeing it isn't worth it.. we just get more depressed or feel burdened and see it challenging. While it actually was just our expectations betrayed.

You still could be out there saying to the guy that you've got bored of dating, but let's see how things go. Just as a statement if it felt okay saying so and he seemed the type who'd be cool hearing that and interacting with it.

I didn't that as part of the solution.. but an example of how we are there to check if worth or not, so we feel ease to some extent to just express ourselves, rather than having a presumed picture or so.
Hehe.. what do you think? Does it makes any sense to you 🙃

RavVid · Answer

Going back in time, men and women both understood they were interested in each other. Declines were polite and soft and if a boyfriend or girlfriend was invented so what.

It is worse than this though because there is not general good will towards the opposite gender. Lots of reasons for this. In the past there might have been casual conversation between a guy and a gal and a common interest or sense of humor struck a chord between them. That is improbable now.

Divorce rates impoverish unmarried relationships. If marriage results in divorce, is there a point in dating at all? A long duration relationship used to be the objective but it is hard to say it is now.

Partner dancing is nice way of meeting the opposite gender. It is quite retro in that the two genders are nice to each other. Presumably guys &gals are interested in meeting gals & guys or they would go to bent lesbian or gay bop.

Maybe the Town Hall dance needs to revived for those of us who don't hate the opposite gender.

SolitarySolace · Answer

You’re already doing many of the things people usually recommend: getting out, meeting people in person, and trying dating apps. Unfortunately, doing everything “right” does not guarantee an immediate relationship. Timing, compatibility, shared values, and simple chance all play a major role.

It is also worth remembering that modern dating can be exhausting and fast-paced for almost everyone. People often ghost or let connections fade because of dating fatigue, uncertainty, competing priorities, or poor communication, so try not to treat every unsuccessful interaction as a personal failure.

Your learning disability absolutely does not mean men will not be interested. The right person will care that you are kind, honest, and making an effort to communicate openly.

If apps or traditional social events feel too pressured, try focusing on places built around shared interests—hobby groups, volunteer projects, book clubs, gaming groups, church activities, classes, or community events. Having a common activity gives conversation a natural starting point and allows people to become familiar with each other gradually, rather than judging the entire connection after one short date.

You may not be doing anything wrong. Finding genuine compatibility often takes time. Keep building a life you enjoy, remain open to meeting people, and take breaks when dating starts draining your energy.

sawno · Answer

Having not seen you before and knowing nothing about you there is one thing that immediately catches my eye and that is your username.

Of all the things you could have picked to identify as you chose a very negative feeling as your identity.

So if of all things you choose that to represent you I have to wonder, is that also the energy you bring on dates? Because if so and you are just bringing people down then that would be the answer. Nothing you say or try to do will work if you bring really depressing energy to the table. You have to be able to bring joy.

Effably · Answer

Are you focusing too much on the outcome?

If you keep looking at the goal it is very easy to not enjoy the way there. Which will prevent many bonds from forming.

Also, maybe just break the rules? Dating is just you and another person connecting. Only you two decide what that means. If you want to go do something other than having dinners and asking twenty questions, do it.

If you want help here or on some other media you'll have to walk us through the normal situation and where problems tend to happen.

From what I gathered it seems you're struggling to keep interest which is why I went for the whole, stop looking at the goal and see if you can just make each other laugh like piglets going oink oink instead. Much better foundation. But the more you can explain it to us the better. In a sense you are designing your answers in the question.

Sunshinelips · Answer

They say the right person comes at the right time. By what you’ve said, even though you’re trying and nothing wrong with that, what you’re doing is you’re actually forcing. Just relax. Just feel. Just BE. Allow them to come to you when it feels right.
Dating and meeting new people is incredibly hard in this day and age with dating apps, lazy people, men who expect women to make the first move and do everything. Keep working on yourself, keep earning yourself that money, keep up with your day to day life. It’ll happen when it’s supposed to.

samael_kmarty · Answer

It's not your learning disabilities or not going out.
It's the selection criteria, the one you want to go out, don't want you.
And those who agree are only looking for sex.
There are a lot of shy guys who are desperate for love, just someone to give them chance, they are looking at there dating profile form years never getting any likes.
Going to pubs, trying to talk to women, but doesn't have confidence or are awkward, or straight up creepy for most people.
Its just unattractive guys are completely invisible 🫥.
There is nothing bad about them or you.
You just need to win onces in this way.

dragoblack · Answer

Because so many people are insecure, don't communicate well, and don't work on themselves to acquire emotional control, intelligence, wisdom, & maturity. There's too much mind games, testing, unresolved trauma baggage, unrealistic expectations, inability to deal with slight awkwardness, saying one thing only to do the opposite, and people looking for something out of eachother, instead of treating eachother as people. People forget dates are about getting to know eachother & having fun, not getting the most out of the date.

SabinaV · Answer

Try not to look or search hard for it.

Allow it to happen naturally, continue doing things you like, or even normally do, and if you naturally catch fancying someone then that's your signal.

While the rest will depend.

It's better when it occurs naturally than burning out searching.

Screenwriter · Answer

This isn't particularly about your issues, though they likely play into some of your difficulties. Dating and creating relationships with others is difficult for neurotypical people as well. All you have to do is read GAG to know this.

Keep your spirits up as best as you can and keep at it. Good luck!

kitty_404 · Answer

Dating can feel hard even when you're doing everything "right," and sometimes it's simply because you haven't met the right person yet. One thing I'd add, though, is don't get into the mindset that more effort automatically leads to a relationship.

I'd stop putting in extra effort for people who aren't matching your energy. If you're always the one initiating conversations, planning dates, or trying to keep things alive while they're giving very little back, it's okay to step away. A healthy relationship requires mutual interest and effort from both sides.

Also, don't assume your learning disability is the reason things haven't worked out. Sometimes people just aren't compatible, and that's true for everyone. Focus on people who show genuine interest and make you feel valued, rather than trying to convince someone to like you.

jshm2 · Answer

Because one has nothing to do with the other.

Dating is not a numbers game. You're not going to "find your person on the 101th try" or something like that.

Nor is dating purely luck, there is an art and form to it.

Your disabilities will be a hindrance, and it is probably best you don't have children as a result. But as far as good relationships go, you need to not be so eager, and instead be more reflective.

foxsquirrell · Answer

You must be not very attractive as a girl. Attractive girls attract guys effortlessly. And they often have the opposite problem that you have. They get too many guys all the time. Even when they want to enjoy say a shopping session or a stroll around the mall.

Billlewis · Answer

Because very few people are looking for a relationship nowadays. Most of the women seem more interested in having the guy spend as much as possible on them, while guys are mostly interested in sex.

mothefriendly · Answer

Because you aren't letting it flow to ypu naturally. Dont fight hard to meet someone. Attend the events and whatever else but just drop the idea of having to meet someone and it will happen naturally. Be a tumbleweed

ProbablyClueless · Answer

For some reason, it's insanely hard to find people who are present enough in their relationships to match effort. I've always thought it was a burnout thing. People are just exhausted and overwhelmed by life in general.

MysticDevice · Answer

Yeah I'm in the same boat. In the apps I haven't had a match in literal years. In person everyone who's my type is already taken. And I work late so meeting people, especially women, is nigh impossible.

browsingthroughthe · Answer

Dating is hard even for the best of us, for the average of us.  Nobody says it's easy. Is all I can think.

Levin · Answer

Sometimes contrivance can yield poor results. Maybe it's something deeper within yourself?

Miristheiss · Answer

Are you sexually active and having sex with some of them?

Alex-Snow · Answer

It can be stressful, but maybe you are trying too hard? Try to just be yourself and show an interest in your dates life, hobbies and plans. Hang in there.

Guanfei · Answer

Too bad for you, you're trying to date in a time when men heard way too many times that women didn't want them. And they've heard it, so now many are just not even trying.
You're not the only one complaining about it.

Likes2drive · Answer

Seems like people standards have gotten worse and the older people get the more picky they become. It seems because I’m having problems also because of my age

nastyb · Answer

maybe it's because you are socially awkward.

Smileygirl2000 · Answer

Why would a guy want a girl with a disability and communication problem when they can't get a girlfriend that doesn't have those issues?

captain_voidwalker · Answer

Feminism spent 8 decades destroying the bond between men and women. I know a lot of women wanna claim not all women are like that, but you sat thier silent when feminists spoke on your behalf.

_Jenny_ · Answer

@unsteadydreadfeeling I’m sorry you are having a difficult time

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Tell me more about the dates that are not turning into relationships. Maybe I can help and give you advice to improve your success.

whosnumber_1 · Answer

You'll be fine. Don't over think it. Enjoy the ride and try not to be so fixated on finding the perfect man

AngryCarl3 · Answer

"Trying is the first step to failure." - GM Ben Finegold

ernest1 · Answer

Lack of Effort and unreciprocated energy re-state//background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft

Dan_5001 · Answer

If you hot & wealth or emotional unavailable & toxic. Or any of those put together then women will choose you. It when your none of those that avoid us.

blackeagle007 · Answer

With feminism on the rise and we lose a lot after divorce. We are very weary who we meet

msc545 · Answer

Most men are smart enough to no longer feel safe around most women.

Xoirwinkan · Answer

People expect twice as much while putting in a tenth of the effort

Smegskull · Answer

Welcome to the modern world. Blame your mother and grandmother, their generations asked for this.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Maybe your trying to hard just relax and let it happen

Dorothy81 · Answer

Cause people care more about what you can do for them than what they could do for you.

Looser_Shah_98 · Answer

Bkoz hookups n friends with benefits is easy dating is boring

MasterKS · Answer

people don't want relationship, if casual its more easier.

Capplica · Answer

People don't want relationships anymore.

Micheal6918 · Answer

Finding the right one is always hard

Pretendingtobesweet · Answer

they look for sexy girls

canamlusciouslad73 · Answer

It's a meet (and meat) market.

jahaims · Answer

You answered your own question

Alexson_stormzy · Answer

Guess it's sometimes dimensional

LazerBean · Answer

Because of your learning disabilities

robocop666 · Answer

I live in Ireland. Its far far harder here.

Why is dating still so hard even when I’m going out and trying?

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