Why is dating still so hard even when I’m going out and trying?

[unsteadydreadfeeling]

I’ve been going out more, attending social events, and trying to meet people in real life. I’ve also gone on dates and tried dating apps, but nothing has developed into a relationship. I have moderate learning disabilities, so I do my best to communicate clearly, but men still don’t approach or things fade quickly.
Why does dating feel so hard even when I’m making the effort?

[Chazmatazz269]

Half of the game is out of your control.
Men have a lot to lose in dating, and especially marriage. More than will admit it have already been burned badly and either they’re just going through the motions or they’re looking for perfection. Every little red flag turns them off. More still aren’t really sure what they want or need yet. Unfortunately that makes you a bit of a guinea pig for their experiments.
That’s not even counting the ones who don’t strike your fancy or somehow turn you off in the process.
Dating simply is not easy. It shouldn’t be. The good things don’t come easy. The bad things do.
If you want a good man, keep at it. If you just don’t want to be lonely, lower your standards.
That choice is yours.

[unsteadydreadfeeling]

I understand what you’re saying, but in my experience some men aren’t looking for anything serious — they just want sexual access. I’m waiting for sex, so when I don’t show interest in anything casual, that’s usually when they lose interest. And sometimes the opposite happens: when I’m not interested in sex, that’s when they suddenly become more attracted.
So it’s not about lowering standards or focusing on the outcome. I’m just trying to meet people naturally, but dating still hasn’t moved forward for me.

[sawno]

Having not seen you before and knowing nothing about you there is one thing that immediately catches my eye and that is your username.

Of all the things you could have picked to identify as you chose a very negative feeling as your identity.

So if of all things you choose that to represent you I have to wonder, is that also the energy you bring on dates? Because if so and you are just bringing people down then that would be the answer. Nothing you say or try to do will work if you bring really depressing energy to the table. You have to be able to bring joy.

[unsteadydreadfeeling]

My username comes from Splatoon 3 (the Dreadwringer weapon), so it’s not meant to represent my personality. I don’t bring depressing energy on dates — I’m friendly and try to keep things light. Men sometimes misinterpret me, but it’s not because of my username. I’m just trying to understand why dating still feels difficult.

[Effably]

Are you focusing too much on the outcome?

If you keep looking at the goal it is very easy to not enjoy the way there. Which will prevent many bonds from forming.

Also, maybe just break the rules? Dating is just you and another person connecting. Only you two decide what that means. If you want to go do something other than having dinners and asking twenty questions, do it.

If you want help here or on some other media you'll have to walk us through the normal situation and where problems tend to happen.

From what I gathered it seems you're struggling to keep interest which is why I went for the whole, stop looking at the goal and see if you can just make each other laugh like piglets going oink oink instead. Much better foundation. But the more you can explain it to us the better. In a sense you are designing your answers in the question.

[unsteadydreadfeeling]

I’m actually not focused on any outcome. I’ve been going to different social events just to meet new people and see what happens naturally. I’m not trying to force anything or aim for a specific goal. I’m just noticing that even when I’m social and open, dating still doesn’t move forward.
I’m not designing answers in my questions — I’m just explaining what normally happens so people can understand the situation better.

[Levin]

Sometimes contrivance can yield poor results.

Maybe it's something deeper within yourself?

[Smileygirl2000]

Why would a guy want a girl with a disability and communication problem when they can't get a girlfriend that doesn't have those issues?

[Smileygirl2000]

*can get a girlfriend that doesn't have those issues

[Likes2drive]

Seems like people standards have gotten worse and the older people get the more picky they become. It seems because I’m having problems also because of my age

[_Jenny_]

@unsteadydreadfeeling I’m sorry you are having a difficult time

[MasterKS]

people don't want relationship, if casual its more easier.

[Capplica]

People don't want relationships anymore.

[canamlusciouslad73]

It's a meet (and meat) market.

[jahaims]

You answered your own question

[LazerBean]

Because of your learning disabilities

[MasterKS]

@LazerBean point.

[LazerBean]

Thank you lol

[MasterKS]

@LazerBean played smart. LOL

[unsteadydreadfeeling]

@ᗰIᑎᑕᕼᗩᑎ get your point, but saying it’s “because of my learning disabilities” doesn’t really help me understand the situation. I do go out, meet people, and try to communicate clearly. I’ve had dates and made friends, but nothing has turned into a relationship.
I’m trying to figure out the real reason behind that.

[Smileygirl2000]

@unsteadydreadfeeling. What do you mean it doesn't help? Are you slow? No one wants someone with those issues.